Who was your “one that got away”? How did/how does it still affect you?

Question

Recently after 3 years, i had a guy i considered my soulmate just up and leave, vanish into thin air. Never would i have thought in a million years this man would have left, but after reflecting and taking a closer look at the sitatuion, i realize i was always scared he would leave. Therefore I was constantly gaslighting, never giving straight answers, playing mind games to just fuck with his head, and just overall just treating him terribly. I was sure i had him wrapped around my finger for the longest (which i did), but as of a few months ago i guess he finally got sick of it. Just completly vanished from my life without a trace. Its crazy to think of all the men who want me, but i would give anything/ do anything for just that one back. Just to re do that entire thing...

so what about you, do you have someone who got away? How did it affect you? And does it still affect you?

Answer 1

Grond21

Guru

You're back. And I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling after losing this guy. But I have to say, having been the recipient of gaslighting, I don't blame him for leaving. It's incredibly phycologically damaging, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I sort of had a girl who got away, when I was in college. I was interested in her and didn't really know what I was doing. Now she's married with kids. Although looking back, I don't think she and I would have worked out that well. At the time though, it was really hard for me

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
Yeah i got busy with life and got bored with the app, but yeah im back;) And i guess i shoulve been more clear in the explanation. The guy was a major player, known for cheating, gaslighting etc. Thats why i continued to do it all to him, i didn't want to get played. And like i said it worked but didn't last in the long run, i think i just got too into the game.

And awwh, sorry to hear. Always makes it worse when they are married and have kids versus finding out they are still single.
Grond21

1 y
Happens to the best of us. We all get bored and go away for a while.

Oh, I see. That's interesting. I can understand more now why you were trying to be careful you didn't get played.
But I can see also why it didn't work out in the end, because the only way you have a successful long-term relationship is with real vulnerability and trust. And if you both were keeping the other at a distance so you didn't get played then no trust could form.

Well, she was single at the time. She's married with kids now. But yeah, it wasn't fun
Asker

1 y
Yeah he actually poured his heart out multiple times, wore his heart on his sleeve. Vulnerability is not my fortay, so im just going to start seeing a therapist for all of that.

Thanks for the responce, you always give some of the best advice👍
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Grond21

1 y
Ahh, one of those guys. And I suspect that it was endearing in the moment, and tugged on your heartstrings. But at the same time you didn't know if you could trust it, and you felt like you also couldn't reciprocate.
Going to a therapist is a smart move. Just make sure it's a good one.

My pleasure, and thank you for the compliment!

Answer 2

Asker

Yeah i got busy with life and got bored with the app, but yeah im back;) And i guess i shoulve been more clear in the explanation. The guy was a major player, known for cheating, gaslighting etc. Thats why i continued to do it all to him, i didn't want to get played. And like i said it worked but didn't last in the long run, i think i just got too into the game.

And awwh, sorry to hear. Always makes it worse when they are married and have kids versus finding out they are still single.

Answer 3

Grond21

Happens to the best of us. We all get bored and go away for a while.

Oh, I see. That's interesting. I can understand more now why you were trying to be careful you didn't get played.
But I can see also why it didn't work out in the end, because the only way you have a successful long-term relationship is with real vulnerability and trust. And if you both were keeping the other at a distance so you didn't get played then no trust could form.

Well, she was single at the time. She's married with kids now. But yeah, it wasn't fun

Answer 4

Asker

Yeah he actually poured his heart out multiple times, wore his heart on his sleeve. Vulnerability is not my fortay, so im just going to start seeing a therapist for all of that.

Thanks for the responce, you always give some of the best advice👍

Answer 5

Grond21

Ahh, one of those guys. And I suspect that it was endearing in the moment, and tugged on your heartstrings. But at the same time you didn't know if you could trust it, and you felt like you also couldn't reciprocate.
Going to a therapist is a smart move. Just make sure it's a good one.

My pleasure, and thank you for the compliment!

Answer 6

monkeynutts | 120 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Guru

Yeah it's a lesson well learned because people are one in 7 billion, or what ever the worlds population is, I have done similar shit in the past like forget my fiancee's birthday. It's was a dick thing to do, but truthfully I was not ready to marry and have kids. It would have been better to be honest and just tell the truth to her in the first place. I think we all can behave irrational sometimes because of fear. It's a tough lesson.

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1 Person

Answer 7

winterfox10

Master

Mine was a girl from high school. It turned out that I never stood a chance with her, but she was still my "one that got away" because I am still 100% convinced that we would have been perfect together 10+ years on. Especially the way our life paths have ended up going; we would have been great. It doesn't really effect me... I learned the lesson (s) I needed to learn. I would like to think I'm a better man for it.

By the way, a while back, you asked a question on here about some comments your girlfriends were making about how you treated a guy. Was that this guy?

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
Hmmmm, i checked my page and not sure if i deleted it? I did do a post on him once but i did another post on another guy I've known for years. So im not sure which it was or id answer🤷🏼‍♀️
Asker

1 y
Is she single? If so you should reach out, ya never know. Especially if y'all have a lot in common
winterfox10

1 y
I don't know if she's single, but she actually wants nothing to do with me. I've reached out over social media a couple of times since then, but she hasn't accepted my friend requests. I made some mistakes with her (I didn't realize that "I don't think we have anything in common" when we totally do, actually just means that she doesn't find you attractive), and I sort pushed for answers when the ones she gave me didn't satisfy me. It was the silliest thing. We were great friends for a long time, always had a lot in common, still do; so I asked her out. When she said "no," I took the answer for the no that it was, but I was confused so I tried to learn more. Sadly, curiosity killed this cat 😂
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winterfox10

1 y
I should say, it seems like we still have a lot in common. You can only tell so much from from a woman's social media, but I've known her for long enough that I can kinda tell when she's actually vibing vs when she isn't

Answer 8

Asker

Hmmmm, i checked my page and not sure if i deleted it? I did do a post on him once but i did another post on another guy I've known for years. So im not sure which it was or id answer🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer 9

Asker

Is she single? If so you should reach out, ya never know. Especially if y'all have a lot in common

Answer 10

winterfox10

I don't know if she's single, but she actually wants nothing to do with me. I've reached out over social media a couple of times since then, but she hasn't accepted my friend requests. I made some mistakes with her (I didn't realize that "I don't think we have anything in common" when we totally do, actually just means that she doesn't find you attractive), and I sort pushed for answers when the ones she gave me didn't satisfy me. It was the silliest thing. We were great friends for a long time, always had a lot in common, still do; so I asked her out. When she said "no," I took the answer for the no that it was, but I was confused so I tried to learn more. Sadly, curiosity killed this cat 😂

Answer 11

winterfox10

I should say, it seems like we still have a lot in common. You can only tell so much from from a woman's social media, but I've known her for long enough that I can kinda tell when she's actually vibing vs when she isn't

Answer 12

normalice | 134 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Master

A girl i met in undeegraduate physics class. She was really hot but I was intimidated because she was impossible to get off. She wanted me to keep doing her, anyway, but i found excuses to back out. I still think of her, but apart from that it doesn't really affect me.

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
Haha thats actually a lot of girls/ most. We dont get off easily, if you think they do they are faking it
normalice

1 y
She told me she can't get off at all. I didn't try anything creative with her, though. Probably should have, but we were also working together on a project and it kind of piled on complications I didn't really want to deal with.

Answer 13

Asker

Haha thats actually a lot of girls/ most. We dont get off easily, if you think they do they are faking it

Answer 14

normalice

She told me she can't get off at all. I didn't try anything creative with her, though. Probably should have, but we were also working together on a project and it kind of piled on complications I didn't really want to deal with.

Answer 15

lightbulb27 | 364 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Master

There were two..
My 5th gade teacher..
Whom i had a chance at eventhougb she was married and had 3 kids and i was like 12... but love is what it is. The other is a girl from hs whom was the only one i recall having strong feelings for. But i only touched her once and beyond was all fantasy in my mind.

I think yoi see yourself well. I can relate to that guys feelings... we dont handle that emotional chaos well amd feel better to jimp off bridge than feel that. Romeo and juliet...

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1 Person

Answer 16

Apope16 | 113 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Guru

Rachel. She introduced me to Indie Rock music. She also taught me to never take sex for granted. Ever. If you love her. Fuck the shit out of her. Fuck her like you will miss her someday.

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2 People

Asker

1 y
Love your profile pic? Is that californication?
Apope16

1 y
Yes it is. Haha! In real like I'm a black dude.
Asker

1 y
Lol well i knew u werent david duchovney lol. That shows the best!
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Apope16

1 y
Yeah. I used the pick because the guy is a bit of a tragic ladies man like I am

Answer 17

Asker

Love your profile pic? Is that californication?

Answer 18

Apope16

Yes it is. Haha! In real like I'm a black dude.

Answer 19

Asker

Lol well i knew u werent david duchovney lol. That shows the best!

Answer 20

Apope16

Yeah. I used the pick because the guy is a bit of a tragic ladies man like I am

Answer 21

Finchie40 | 329 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Guru

Yes , my FWB’s from when I was in my mid 20’s she was my best friend and had amazing sex together , I was dumb considering I didn’t want to settle down and I feel she did but she didn’t want to lose me so she kept her mouth shut , the second I met another girl I told her and the look of jealousy was all over her face and she disappeared, She still crosses my mind and wish I could go back and kick myself in the ass lol

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1 Person

Answer 22

chriscdi

Master

a girl that was completely different than all the women nowadays, i let my paranoia get the best and fucked it up for myself but i trust god with everything so it must have happened for a reason, ill just let god to his job and ill blindly walk 🤷🏽‍♂️

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1 Person

Answer 23

Anonymous

basically you want what you can't have. you acted disrespectful towards him treating him terribly and like complete crap and now you come on here whining about how you want him back? why? so you can treat him terribly and like crap again? thanks but no thanks

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Asker

1 y
Im asking a question and stating what happend to me. There wAS 0 questions asked about the sitution. Im aware. Moving on

Answer 24

Asker

Im asking a question and stating what happend to me. There wAS 0 questions asked about the sitution. Im aware. Moving on

Answer 25

SuccessfulHornDog | 390 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Master

Sorry to hear that. Its a good thing for all of us to reflect on what we have every so often, before we lose it

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
Its okay, its just one of those things thats worse some days more so then others, im basically over it at this point. I bounce back quick. A therapist is actually who told me to reflect and it actually helped to show what i did wrong, i’ll just accept it and try to not let bad habits be brought into the next relationship:)

Answer 26

Asker

Its okay, its just one of those things thats worse some days more so then others, im basically over it at this point. I bounce back quick. A therapist is actually who told me to reflect and it actually helped to show what i did wrong, i’ll just accept it and try to not let bad habits be brought into the next relationship:)

Answer 27

perfectchaos

Explorer

Mine is a bit of now I'll never know. Too afraid to take the leap to ask her out.

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Asker

1 y
Then she's definatly going to get away. Stop being scared and do it
perfectchaos

1 y
Yeah she came right after someone convinced me to ask out another girl and I got rejected hard. Mixed that with being a natural super shy person
Asker

1 y
Andd? You need to put yourself out there for the next one.
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perfectchaos

1 y
I can't I freeze and make raj from the big bang theory seem normal
Asker

1 y
Omg🙈😂 probably have a drink first to settle nerves
Johnastronomy113

1 y
or become howard wolowitz

Answer 28

Asker

Then she's definatly going to get away. Stop being scared and do it

Answer 29

perfectchaos

Yeah she came right after someone convinced me to ask out another girl and I got rejected hard. Mixed that with being a natural super shy person

Answer 30

Asker

Andd? You need to put yourself out there for the next one.

Answer 31

perfectchaos

I can't I freeze and make raj from the big bang theory seem normal

Answer 32

Asker

Omg🙈😂 probably have a drink first to settle nerves

Answer 33

Johnastronomy113

or become howard wolowitz

Answer 34

whybnormal

Xper 3

I didn’t ever tell her how much I loved her. We were always just friends. I think she was attracted to me too, but neither of us made a move. I think we were afraid of the mess it would create. She moved away and I miss her like crazy.

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1 Person

Answer 35

namelessking1

Xper 4

To re do that? U really like to tease and fuck with minds 😈

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
I meant re do differently🙈😂
namelessking1

1 y
Hahha yea sure i see ur repentance in your eyes 😂😋🤣
Asker

1 y
Lol whatever you know what i meant🙈🙈🙈🙈
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namelessking1

1 y
I know i know just playin , sorry for your loss of so we all have one that breaks us inside

Answer 36

Asker

I meant re do differently🙈😂

Answer 37

namelessking1

Hahha yea sure i see ur repentance in your eyes 😂😋🤣

Answer 38

Asker

Lol whatever you know what i meant🙈🙈🙈🙈

Answer 39

namelessking1

I know i know just playin , sorry for your loss of so we all have one that breaks us inside

Answer 40

Avicenna | 1.4K opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Master

My Korean girlfriend. She was intelligent, attractive and had a good personality. I didn't want to bring her to Europe, but I should have.

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1 Person

Answer 41

colin77

Xper 7

I guess does things happen to everyone I think... but fear and selfishness is th main reason we let them go or they let us go

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Answer 42

bklynbadboy1 | 265 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Guru

I don't have one that got away but I did have one that passed away so I wonder what could've been

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Asker

1 y
Aww sorry.
bklynbadboy1

1 y
Thanks she passed away 10 years ago in a car accident but every now and then I wonder what if.

Answer 43

Asker

Aww sorry.

Answer 44

bklynbadboy1

Thanks she passed away 10 years ago in a car accident but every now and then I wonder what if.

Answer 45

Johnastronomy113

Xper 1

I'd had a girl that i liked since childhood but she ended up marrying someone else. But it doesn't affect me because i haven't seen or talked to her in 6-7 years

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1 Person

Answer 46

Nadim171

Yoda

I have no idea but jesus why did you disappear for a loooong time

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Asker

1 y
😄😄😄 everyones asked me the same thing! Lol I just got bored and stopped using, everyone kept deleting there accounts. Lol miss me?
Nadim171

1 y
I do miss you! ❤ I actually went off for a while too, kinda got bored
Nadim171

1 y
When was the last time we talked? I guess I was 13 or something 😂
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Asker

1 y
13🙈😂 yeah possibly! I always forget how young you are, you always talk so much more matur nadim! But i should be back for a while, i dont have much else going on and missed the little group of people on here :)

Answer 47

Asker

😄😄😄 everyones asked me the same thing! Lol I just got bored and stopped using, everyone kept deleting there accounts. Lol miss me?

Answer 48

Nadim171

I do miss you! ❤ I actually went off for a while too, kinda got bored

Answer 49

Nadim171

When was the last time we talked? I guess I was 13 or something 😂

Answer 50

Asker

13🙈😂 yeah possibly! I always forget how young you are, you always talk so much more matur nadim! But i should be back for a while, i dont have much else going on and missed the little group of people on here :)

Answer 51

Nayyr

Xper 7

I was like 10 years old so i don't know if that even counts lol

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1 Person

Answer 52

beebella | 109 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Master

I don't have one of those.

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Answer 53

mrgspoter

Yoda

Not really got one

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1 Person

Who was your “one that got away”? How did/how does it still affect you?

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