How do I make it up? Can someone yell at me?

NateBoogles
I was recently in a relationship with a really nice girl and I ended up ruining things with feelings of jealousy and I lied to her about an ex to get a reaction out of her, which was manipulative. I don't know how to make this up and change myself for the better. sadly this was my first relationship and all these feelings came from insecurity and a lack of confidence in myself.

I ended up talking about having a fun time with my ex to really see if she loved me. I had no trust and I hurt her. I would like some hard truth and if you could I would really appreciate it if I were cussed out and yelled at for what an asshole I am.

please do, I fucking hate myself
How do I make it up? Can someone yell at me?
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