How do I forgive myself for what I’ve done?

During my first semester of college I was in a very dark place and I did things that I wasn’t proud of. I’ve long gotten myself out of that place and I’m back to my normal self. I was with my boyfriend for nine months, this is the man that I wanted to marry and spend my life with I just knew so, but about five months into our relationship i tried to open up to him about my past. He didn’t talk to me for a few days afterwards and he told me it changed his perspective of me. I panicked because I know that wasn’t who I was, and that I was just in a dark place so, after this anytime he would ask about my past I would leave out many details because I didn’t want to hurt him and I didn’t want him to judge me. I never lied about my past or anything in the relationship but I did keep certain details about my past from him because I honestly thought it would be better that way. After I confessed this to him he broke up with me, he told me that he couldn’t respect nor be with a liar. He doesn’t know if we could ever get back together again so I’m giving him space to think. In the meantime the guilt has completely taken over me, I’ve barely slept , or ate and I haven’t showered in three days, I keep telling myself that I am not a bad person and I’m not a liar but I can’t help but feel so guilty for hurting someone that I love so much. How can I move past this and forgive myself, do you think he’ll ever forgive me as well?
How do I forgive myself for what I’ve done?
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