Ex committed suicide, guilt is eating me, what now?

Anonymous
We broke up on bad terms
I gave her my all, I gave her life meaning, I was her everything, for 3 years
She was abusive and manipulative
But she had a good heart
She never corrected her ways with me, but I did with her
I've always trusted that she had a good heart though, deep down
She was very rude, insensitive, and mean during fights
But she had a good heart
Whenever we'd be not fighting, she'd show me things no girl has ever shown me before, the light in her eyes and the way she looked at me and treated me in those moments, it was true, all of it

She broke up with me after a bad fight, but we have those sometimes, and we usually get back togethee after some time

Though this time I had enough and I did not want to be in such a toxic abusive environment anymore, I left her a long message of why I don't love her anymore and never want her back inot my life again, wishing her good luck in whatever she does next

She read it and didn't respond or try to reach out

She commited suicide 2 weeks after she read the message

I can't help but feel I murdered this pure-hearted person, I was the cause of her death, I know how much of an impact my words have on her and her life, I should've thought about that sooner
She's gone, the light in her eyes went out, she's no longer here, alive, with all of us

I wish I never left her that message, I'd stay in that toxic environment all my life if it meant she wouldn't leave the world like this, I'd take all the abuse if I could go back in time, I wish I took it, I wish I never did what I did, I wish I still had her in my arms even if we were fighting all day and she was treating me like a doormat sometimes

I'm lost and don't know what to do or feel, this is something I've never felt before, I don't know what I'm exactly asking, guess this is just desperate venting because nothing will bring her back, nobody will ever give me the loving look she used to give me, she's gone, all she once brought to my life is gone
Ex committed suicide, guilt is eating me, what now?
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