Will I fully trust my girlfriend ever again or give up on seeking the truth?

velocicraptor
It started out with her lying to me very early on. About things she didn't have to lie about. Granted however some were things I didn't have any real business asking I was just curious because she was the first girl I engaged in any kind of relationship with and the girl I lost my virginity to. A good friend of mine had told me about a thing between the 2 of them and she flat out lied and denied that for 4 months, I then very early on accused and she lied about using whisper to sext random men for fun when I was out of town and even home. She gas admitted only 3 times its happened. First being 8 months in, 2nd being a year in and the 3rd only a few months ago. We've been together 2 years and 3 months. She has lied on my moms grave on several occasions which leaves me distraught and confused. Because I had expressed how I dont believe in a god or any higher being and that is the most sacred thing I hold to me and for that I hate her but I love her so much that I didn't let it bother me too much. there's countless other things, emails from dating sites have started popping up on her phone and she's even faked going to sleep just to wake up talk on Facebook. I've expressed clearly how broken I am and that I could never leave her no matter what she does to me in Hope's she'll tell me all the truth I need. I've been nothing but honest with her since the beginning and it hurts so much to still find out all this stupid shit out years later. She claims to not remember most of what I ask but she can then in great detail describe things I feel normal people could not. I have my doubts about numerous things still and I don't know if I'll ever know them I'll never leave her, she'll have to leave me. It makes me feel like a pussy but I can't handle the thought of not seeing her face every morning. Just wish I could fully trust her.
Will I fully trust my girlfriend ever again or give up on seeking the truth?
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