Am I a bad person because I am trying to destroy my own relationship?

Anonymous
This guy was my friend last year. But we argued and spent 2 months without talking.

I had a lot of personal problems in those 2 months and I apologized to him because he was the only one who helped me with my problems.

He asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted because I didn't want to leave him again.

But lately I am beginning to realize that I was not so bad in the 2 months that we were away, and that I was much more productive and calm before we started talking again.

Now I'm doing everything I can to make him want to break up with me.

I don't want to break up with him because I apologized and wanted to reconnect after our discussion last year. So I want him to break up with me.

I'm being too boring and sulky to try to get him to give up on me. Am I a bad person because of that?
Am I a bad person because I am trying to destroy my own relationship?
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