How do you or did you deal with an angry partner?

Question

I've come to the understanding that my ex was really angry with me. He came from poverty and moved here aged 15. He struggled to settle here and ended up in young offenders. When we met he was changing his life. I tried to be patient but by being with me a person he thinks coming from a successful family (we're not were normal) he thought he had access to some kind of wealth like we have a money tree in the garden. I was generous and kind. If I could help him I would but I realised in return he didn't actually care for me. It was always about the money, so when I stopped helping him to see him contribute to us, he got angry.
I have worked hard to keep a roof over my head without handouts and buying furniture on my own, maintain my way in life. But he begrudged me for all of that. Simple things like asking him for help around the flat when he moved in was meet with contempt. He has a mindset that I'm the woman of the house and he's the man! I might not have minded if he held up his end of the finances. When he started to earn more he started to spend more on himself and made excuses as to why he couldn't help.
So we lead separate lives until well I stopped loving him.
I realise when he returned it was to show me how successful he is now and how better he is than me for not giving up and it was worth something in the end. But he failed to realise that whilst he and I were together I didn't end things for his struggle I ended it simply because he attacked me constantly. He was irritated simply because I took a regular job which gave me a steady income despite the mental stress... I understand being an entrepreneur is hard work and it can take many years before you reap the rewards. He forgot how to be kind.
I would have stayed if he at least showed he cared but he was only ever thinking about himself.
I see now that his anger was out of frustration and jealousy. Which I felt unwarranted when I had at times given him my last. My requests of him were always small.

Answer 1

Anonymous

Probably break it off. Communication comes first! Some people are angry because they feel trapped in a relationship they truly don't want to be in. this causes resentment! It's better to free the person. If there is no resolve.

lilyanony1

1 mo
I freed him many times then he came back. Since he told me I'm only good for sex I guess that's all he stayed for. But wanting out of that wasn't a decision I should have made apparently. He tried to ruin my birthday, a few days prior I received messages from someone claiming to be his girlfriend. I'm not entirely sure it's legit. But whatever it was has just made me think he's an idiot. We broke up ages ago more than 6 months because well he's better than me simply because he was living in a balcony apartment blah!
Rubbing things in my face whilst I'm grieving. He was free, freed long ago but he seems to want to torment me.
Opinion Owner

1 mo
Don't let anyone make you think they're better than you. You matter, you have value and worth, too!

You can't put your happiness in someone else's hands, that's like playing hot potato! It's ok to feel the way you do. You are human!

Scenarios like yours helps you discover who you really are and how much strength you didn't know you had. Trust me, there is hope.

And when you feel down, reach out to friends and family. If you can't, get on here. We care, most of us here. There is nothing wrong with needing someone when you're hurting.
lilyanony1

1 mo
Thank you for your kindness in definitely working on myself x

Answer 2

lilyanony1

I freed him many times then he came back. Since he told me I'm only good for sex I guess that's all he stayed for. But wanting out of that wasn't a decision I should have made apparently. He tried to ruin my birthday, a few days prior I received messages from someone claiming to be his girlfriend. I'm not entirely sure it's legit. But whatever it was has just made me think he's an idiot. We broke up ages ago more than 6 months because well he's better than me simply because he was living in a balcony apartment blah!
Rubbing things in my face whilst I'm grieving. He was free, freed long ago but he seems to want to torment me.

Answer 3

Opinion Owner

Don't let anyone make you think they're better than you. You matter, you have value and worth, too!

You can't put your happiness in someone else's hands, that's like playing hot potato! It's ok to feel the way you do. You are human!

Scenarios like yours helps you discover who you really are and how much strength you didn't know you had. Trust me, there is hope.

And when you feel down, reach out to friends and family. If you can't, get on here. We care, most of us here. There is nothing wrong with needing someone when you're hurting.

Answer 4

lilyanony1

Thank you for your kindness in definitely working on myself x

Answer 5

DizzyDesii | 290 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Master

Im the type to keep arguing if they keep arguing. Its best that we not he around eachother for at least an hour to tone it down a bit

lilyanony1

1 mo
Lol I'm not confrontational at all
DizzyDesii

1 mo
I’ll give em a moment to speak their piece but when its my turn.. haha low and behold. After that, they ain't gettin a word in cause ima keep interruptin. But i prefer arguments without cussing/namecalling
lilyanony1

1 mo
Loool you're very fiery girl. That's brilliant.
Show All Show Less
DizzyDesii

1 mo
Im quite calm. But I've only had huge blowouts when in the middle of a breakup with a boyfriend or a breakdown with my mom
lilyanony1

1 mo
Oh dear that's not good go easy go easy...
DizzyDesii

1 mo
Its because they step to me first. I talk so calmly but if they start yelling then so do i

Answer 6

lilyanony1

Lol I'm not confrontational at all

Answer 7

DizzyDesii

I’ll give em a moment to speak their piece but when its my turn.. haha low and behold. After that, they ain't gettin a word in cause ima keep interruptin. But i prefer arguments without cussing/namecalling

Answer 8

lilyanony1

Loool you're very fiery girl. That's brilliant.

Answer 9

DizzyDesii

Im quite calm. But I've only had huge blowouts when in the middle of a breakup with a boyfriend or a breakdown with my mom

Answer 10

lilyanony1

Oh dear that's not good go easy go easy...

Answer 11

DizzyDesii

Its because they step to me first. I talk so calmly but if they start yelling then so do i

Answer 12

melnc | 1.6K opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Influencer

Whatever he does to make you feel less than you are, you'll remain the best.

Answer 13

Jjpayne | 217 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Master

All you can do is be kind with boundaries. Say you are sorry for the things that you should but stand firm on the things that you think are fair. It's a tough map to make for yourself but you do as much as you can while being fair to yourself on your end. I've learned with my dad, that if you give too much they take advantage but it's not right to just pull out completely either. Maybe a break is needed but showing a person that you value them and support them is important.

Baseline, your former partner becomes a drunk and is having trouble getting out of the pit he is currently in. I think it's ok to be a voice of reason and pull him up and figuratively slap him. Tell them to snap out of it and pull themselves together. Be their fresh cold water that they need to the face.

But again, it's knowing how to be supportive, safe and fair to yourself.

It's finding that balance of support with boundaries. I'm still learning this myself and it's very hard to do sometimes.

lilyanony1

1 mo
If you have read any of my posts. I'm not his parent. And that was my mistake. I had issues growing up where I had to teach myself because my parents were irresponsible.
In a lot of ways. They weren't ready for Kids. They are so self centred. Everything was about them.
My ex is just disrespectful. He doesn't value very much at all.
He has an entitled destructive mindset. And it's something I'm not entirely sure about I think because of the way he looks he thinks he deserves more. He works hard don't get me wrong but he also expects to be something great. I'm not suggesting that he should aspire to that. But he also needs to understand that their are foundations to which he needs to lay in himself first.
He is a label person. If you're a Dr that's automatically respectful in his eyes. Great you were smart you worked hard you do an amazing job. But who are you as a person? How do you treat others?
I read an headline recently about a Dr stabbing another man intentionally, I didn't bother reading the rest because well what's the point unless he's struck off he will probably return to his job.
I find this culture of giving credit to the work a person does regardless if they're an ass or not kind of disrespectful and also for certain reasons.
We can't speak of Gary glitter or rolf Harris for example but we can still credit these slave traders from way back? Why?
I'm forgetting my point but the bottom line is that I'm not here to manage another person. If someone disrespects me I don't even have to take my time to resolve it. I'm not your therapist.
At a ripe age of 30 now if I don't know how to behave then that's my problem.
He doesn't know how to behave and he was given chance after chance but we don't bring out the best in each other.
End of.
Jjpayne

1 mo
Fair enough

Answer 14

lilyanony1

If you have read any of my posts. I'm not his parent. And that was my mistake. I had issues growing up where I had to teach myself because my parents were irresponsible.
In a lot of ways. They weren't ready for Kids. They are so self centred. Everything was about them.
My ex is just disrespectful. He doesn't value very much at all.
He has an entitled destructive mindset. And it's something I'm not entirely sure about I think because of the way he looks he thinks he deserves more. He works hard don't get me wrong but he also expects to be something great. I'm not suggesting that he should aspire to that. But he also needs to understand that their are foundations to which he needs to lay in himself first.
He is a label person. If you're a Dr that's automatically respectful in his eyes. Great you were smart you worked hard you do an amazing job. But who are you as a person? How do you treat others?
I read an headline recently about a Dr stabbing another man intentionally, I didn't bother reading the rest because well what's the point unless he's struck off he will probably return to his job.
I find this culture of giving credit to the work a person does regardless if they're an ass or not kind of disrespectful and also for certain reasons.
We can't speak of Gary glitter or rolf Harris for example but we can still credit these slave traders from way back? Why?
I'm forgetting my point but the bottom line is that I'm not here to manage another person. If someone disrespects me I don't even have to take my time to resolve it. I'm not your therapist.
At a ripe age of 30 now if I don't know how to behave then that's my problem.
He doesn't know how to behave and he was given chance after chance but we don't bring out the best in each other.
End of.

Answer 15

Jjpayne

Fair enough

Answer 16

MrsJaximus-Lion

Xper 5

i dont understand ! why bite the hand that feeds you? jax maybe has a worse background coming poverty and a country that has been in war all the time plus religion discriminated for being christian and had near death experience multiple times
i never seen jax get angry he can get mad but no to behave like this. sorry to hear you had to go through such things while seeking love and seems pretty unfair. make sure next time you are in a relationship there will be equality and communication and happy birthday :D

Answer 17

zeitgeist057

Explorer

He’s not just angry, he’s selfish. And entitled. It sounds like coming from a poor family he has a poor person’s mindset of take what you can when you can and beg other people for money, but give nothing in return. That’s how poor people stay poor, and it’s nice that he was successful, it seems he got that way by thinking about himself only and focusing on himself. Sounds like you’re way better off without this person who didn’t really care about you or your needs or how he could help you, only how you can Help him, and if he couldn’t he get mad about it.
As for your actual question of how to deal with angry people, are usually don’t. It’s not worth the trouble, and I’ll just walk away.

Answer 18

Coolmanxl

Xper 6

You should not care

lilyanony1

1 mo
You see, I fell in love with this person. He just played me. And when I decided to walk away after he ghosted me when my father died he couldn't take the things I had to say. So much so a few days before my birthday he sent a message (him or his "girlfriend) looking to talk. He is incredibly immature. I Don't know what he set out to achieve. Get me fighting for him, or just ruin my birthday? He pretty much destroyed what ever little faith I had left in him. I'm a good person. So I can't help but care. But I'm learning not to.
Coolmanxl

1 mo
Okay Do not let someone else make you sad
lilyanony1

1 mo
I'm trying, I have attracted a lot like him and lost a lot recently so it's getting a little difficult to maintain joy.
Show All Show Less
Coolmanxl

1 mo
I see dont worry
Coolmanxl

1 mo
Calm down a little and take time for yourself
lilyanony1

1 mo
Thank you. 😊
lilyanony1

1 mo
I'm not dating. We're in the middle of a pandemic. I've been trying to do what I can to mahe myself happy after leaving work but it seems laughing at comedy in my own home is irritating my neighbours. I have had one playing music to drown me out til all hours then just a few days ago, one come banging down my door in the middle of a show I was laughing at, if I could take photos of his cooker as he wants to sell it once it's cleaned.
He is an older man, but doesn't have friends or family. I was kind to him in the past but he started getting all "you should do this, you should do that!" over silly things like me using a bag for life to empty my recycling into the bins! so I stopped bothering.
Coolmanxl

1 mo
Ah okay You don't need anyone else to be happy
Coolmanxl

1 mo
You can find yourself new hobbies, new books, new games
lilyanony1

1 mo
100% trying new things. 😊
Coolmanxl

1 mo
Thank you good luck
lilyanony1

1 mo
The screen name suits you by the way, you're a cool guy. 👍🏾
Coolmanxl

1 mo
Thanks 👍

Answer 19

lilyanony1

You see, I fell in love with this person. He just played me. And when I decided to walk away after he ghosted me when my father died he couldn't take the things I had to say. So much so a few days before my birthday he sent a message (him or his "girlfriend) looking to talk. He is incredibly immature. I Don't know what he set out to achieve. Get me fighting for him, or just ruin my birthday? He pretty much destroyed what ever little faith I had left in him. I'm a good person. So I can't help but care. But I'm learning not to.

Answer 20

Coolmanxl

Okay Do not let someone else make you sad

Answer 21

lilyanony1

I'm trying, I have attracted a lot like him and lost a lot recently so it's getting a little difficult to maintain joy.

Answer 22

Coolmanxl

I see dont worry

Answer 23

Coolmanxl

Calm down a little and take time for yourself

Answer 24

lilyanony1

Thank you. 😊

Answer 25

lilyanony1

I'm not dating. We're in the middle of a pandemic. I've been trying to do what I can to mahe myself happy after leaving work but it seems laughing at comedy in my own home is irritating my neighbours. I have had one playing music to drown me out til all hours then just a few days ago, one come banging down my door in the middle of a show I was laughing at, if I could take photos of his cooker as he wants to sell it once it's cleaned.
He is an older man, but doesn't have friends or family. I was kind to him in the past but he started getting all "you should do this, you should do that!" over silly things like me using a bag for life to empty my recycling into the bins! so I stopped bothering.