I'm still not over someone who treated me so badly. How do I get over him and feeling like I'm useless and not good enough for anyone?

Anonymous
This is pathetic & I sound crazy

Over the past 15 years I've been in love with him. We were never in a proper relationship due to being young/other relationships/bad timing

We have been in and out of each others lives since we were both 13 back in 2006. Not seen him since 2015 but he still reaches out to me a lot- even though he is now engaged

In our late teens/early 20s he used to drunk text me a lot/tried to treat me like a booty call. He would contact me/drop me when it suited him over & over for years. I put up with it all because I was naïve

In my mid 20s I gave him another chance- he lied, used me, cheated on his now fiancé with me, ignored me/blocked me, he left me/moved away with his fiancé

I stopped all contact with him in 2017

The past 4 years he still phones me, tries to facetime, asks mutual friends about me, tries to add/blocks me on social media, tells me he's coming back, still wants me, that he misses me, asked me for nudes a lot

I've always ignored him except for once to ask if he was ok but he blocked me after- that was only 6 months ago. A few weeks later he got engaged

This has been my life since I was 13 so literally half of my life of him coming in + out, messing with my head, making me feel worthless is all I've ever known and caused me to have zero confidence/no self esteem.

Apart from him and my ex- I've rejected every guy whos shown interest in me, had no interest in anyone else, dating/relationships

It's like he made me die inside/shut down from everything, I've just spent my life floating around hoping he's going to knock my door one day - total fantasy

People ask me why im single-I get so embarrassed. I want is to finally meet someone and be happy with them but the idea terrifies me

I still think about him, I can't stop it's a constant cycle of pain- I don't know how to make it stop

Do I have something wrong with me? the older I get I realise how fucked up everything he's done to me is and the way I'm feeling isn't normal
I'm still not over someone who treated me so badly. How do I get over him and feeling like I'm useless and not good enough for anyone?
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