I left my toxic relationship so why do I miss him and want him back so much?

Anonymous
Hello, I left my toxic relationship with my boyfriend almost 2 weeks ago now. I wasn’t treated well, he had debt coming out of ears, he was a gambling addict, he already had 2 children from different mums, was irresponsible and treated me with no respect. I just felt as though I wouldn’t be able to have the future I wanted as I felt I would literally be funding absolutely everything. Funding the deposit, funding children that we have because he wouldn’t really be able to pay much more as he already pays so much maintenance, I’d be worried about him gambling my inheritance if we got married - generally a bad basis for a future. He’s told me so many times he’s better with money, even now I’ve left he’s insisted he knows what he has to do, but I just feel the trust is gone and I just don’t know how to get it back. So I’ve left for all the right reasons - so why am I so upset, can’t stop thinking about him and just want him back every single day? It’s killing me not talking to him, the thought of never being able to touch him again and him meeting someone else makes me sick. I keep having this little monkey on my shoulder telling me to go back because he might have changed but literally EVERY ONE of my family and friends says never ever go back to that you will be throwing your life away. I made the right decision, why can’t I let him go?
I left my toxic relationship so why do I miss him and want him back so much?
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