Did I mess things up?

Anonymous
I'm 24 years old and my ex is 34. it's been a long rollercoaster. This man is amazing and treated me so well but for some reason I feel like I was looking for something more. I wasn't 100% attracted to him and he is just so much more mature than I am. He wants kids asap, he wants to get married asap. I told him to wait until I graduate from medical school and he was okay with that idea but even then, I couldn't even be 100% sure that this was the person I wanted to marry. I feel like I am so young and have so much dating to do. I don't get to date often because I spend most of my time studying right now. I appreciate him so much and how much he supports me and I almost feel guilty for not being sure I want to marry him. Anyways, we just came back from a trip and I decided to call him a few days after to discuss some of my feelings. I am a very sensitive person so I get offended by his tone of voice with me when we bicker. He lost it when i told him this and ultimately decided that we were not going to work out and that we should just be friends. I feel so terrible because he's been trying to get us to work for the past 2 years but he probably feels like there is no reassurance that he is not wasting his time. I have been pretty sad even though the breakup was probably necessary. I am really happy that we can still be friends and he promised that he will always be there for me regardless. We have facetimed twice as friends since then. Nothing was weird and conversation was normal. Fast forward... I feel really stupid because I drank a lot of wine last night (to ignore the pain) and I ended up texting him that I was interested in being friends with benefits (strictly as friends) and I regret it. I woke up this morning and told him to ignore the text and that I was tripping. He still has not responded so i'm guessing he plans on ignoring the text. Could I have ruined our friendship by sending this text? I literally cannot stop thinking about him and I wish I could.
Did I mess things up?
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