How to make my girlfriend realize that she's not truly in love with me?

Question

So there's this girl who has a history of sexual abuse, and she was really unstable. There's a really long story behind it, but basically I'm in a relationship with her, and the agreement is to consider whether we really need to break up or not once she has moved to another town. I plan to break up with her at this time, and this is in around 4 months.

But, I just realized that she is actually just being emotionally dependent on me, and not truly in love with me. I want to break up with her but she insists that she has never loved someone this deeply before. Before we started dating, I've rejected her 3 times, and within the relationship I tried to break up with her 2 times. For the last one, she persisted for 3 days, she kept calling me, texting me, doing whatever she could to change my mind about it.

How do I get her to see that this isn't real love, so that she would be able to take the break up better?

We talked about seeing a psychologist for a counselling session. She was quite keen before, but now she seemed to hesitate. How do I prepare for the break up, so that she won't be at a loss and have nobody to depend on?

Answer 1

Anonymous

It’s not your job to enable her co-dependency, or to stay in an mentally taxing relationship for the sake of your partner. Breakups aren’t easy in the first place and it’s going to suck regardless, but you aren’t doing either of you guys any favors by prolonging the inevitable. She has to want and seek help on her own. She needs to tackle her past experiences and close those doors. Lots of inner work on her end. But it’s not up to you to help her see these things through. That mentality will keep you stuck for months to come.

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
Thank you so much for the insights! :)

Answer 2

Asker

Thank you so much for the insights! :)

Answer 3

Coulis

Xper 7

I'm sorry but it's really inappropriate of you to dictate to her what her feelings are.

You don't love her. There is nothing wrong with that. You don't need to feel guilty about it. So instead of making it seem like you are helping her by telling her what her feelings should be (because you feel bad about dumping a girl that loves you) just break it off and go no contact.

She needs to learn how to do life also. It's good that you are encouraging her to get counseling.

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2 People

Asker

1 y
Yes, I agree! Thank you for the advice :D

Answer 4

Asker

Yes, I agree! Thank you for the advice :D

Answer 5

btbc92

Influencer

Buddy, I'm just going to be straight-up honest with you. You are so selfish as hell. It has nothing to do with her being in love with you. Because she's not supposed to be in love with you. She's supposed to love you. If she is being emotionally dependent on you if it cuz she loves you and has nothing to do with her being in love with you. You're the one that just don't love her. And you know it for yourself. You have no desire to sacrifice, or you cares about yourself, you know she's been abused in the past, and now you just want to use this as an excuse so you can move on. Just be real and honest with her instead of just lying to her on your into yourself. I find this to be really embarrassing and really saddening. A real man wouldn't make such excuses you have. If you know you can't handle it you should have never dated her in the first place. End it today instead of wasting your time as well as hers. She deserves better.

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1 Person

btbc92

1 y
What I want to know is what does she need a psychologist for? In that situation she doesn't really need a psychologist. You supposed to have somebody to really love and depend on. A woman is supposed to depend on you. If you're not somebody a woman can depend on, you don't need to be in a relationship and you just need to be straight up on if you don't need to be dating. I'm sorry, she may be struggling and going through stuff. But if somebody created me like that and I haven't done anything to Warrant that kind of behavior, that person doesn't love me. That person wants benefits. You knew she had baggage and had things going on. That doesn't necessarily go away. What's your spirits abuse that basically changes your entire brain. It doesn't mean you can also get healed from it, but you're going to be experiencing problems on and off. If she's too much for you just tell her that. It's going to hurt her once you leave anyway. What's the point of breaking up with her if you're going to get another woman that's not going to be with her baggage in the first place? Because I bet you. Because 9 out of 10 times you're going to be other women you going to take interest in. Because if she's involved with another man who's going to treat her better then the next thing you know you're the one is going to try to contact her again, so you can try to get her back. Tell the freaking truth. There's a reason why she's hesitant. Because she's questioning your love for her it has nothing to do with her seeing a psychologist. Has to do about with your intent.
Asker

1 y
She told me that she might have bipolar, and she is hearing voices whenever she is under stress. This happens mostly when I raise the topic of break up.

I think she's just afraid of being alone, and want to fill her emptiness by clinging on me. She bombards me with texts if I don't reply her for quite some time, and she stayed up 24+ hours when she is anxious about me breaking up with her.

At the same time, she said she's not too sure whether she would still like me if I stop showering her with compliments, and stop playing along to her emotional tantrums (suicide threats, guilt-tripping, etc).
btbc92

1 y
Are you serious? Man you got to be one of the most coldest people I ever met on here. She's not bipolar she's under so much stress. And I guarantee you when people deal with that kind of stuff is mostly demons. And they attach themselves to her because she has open doors in her life. The tired of Truth she needs help for herself because she don't love herself. At the same time if she is that caught up with her own problems she don't need a relationship. She needs to go get help professionally. And you need to make that very clear to her. Because what she's doing is not only hurting other people she's hurting herself. She cannot rely it on other people to fill her with things that she don't have it in herself. She's responsible for self. Because if she don't do what she got to do, in the end it's going to be on her. You leave because you have to. Not just because you want to. You cannot have someone like that abused you also. Because that is psychological abuse that she's doing Siri if she's doing all of that I highly suggest you contact the suicide helpline or somebody who was in the mental health field and help them fully understand what situation you're going through so they can better accommodate your situation as well as show you what to do next. What you're going through is something that needs to be evaluated by a professional, and it needs to be handled properly. If she's doing that she's trying to trap you and the relationship. And at that point you're not in a healthy relationship and this is left to do about with her being the way she is. It's something else is going on with her and it doesn't sound normal. Who you talkin to doesn't sound like you're speaking to her. It sounds like you're speaking to a bondage spirit. It is best for you to say it's over. There's nothing for you to explain. She make the choice of what she's going to do. If she God forbid chooses to commit suicide you are not responsible.
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btbc92

1 y
In situations like that is not because she's afraid of being alone. It has everything to do with control. And the only way she's going to really get better unless she is by herself and she is with people who can best help get better. All you can do is be her friend if that's what you personally want. But you cannot be her lover. Because all you're basically doing is tying yourself to a demon that's in her. Remember. Whether you believe in spiritual things or not you must understand that this is more so on a spiritual level and is Beyond Your Capacity. People are carrying things they have no idea that they are carrying. Which is why you got to have true love for people and you got to be forgiving and learn to be a good person. Because once you abused a person, what you have neglect, what you have abandonment, you open yourself up to these things when you are not aware of it. You have to forgive her because you don't know where she picked it up. You don't know what really happened to her. You got to really ask yourself are you really speaking to her or are you really speaking to somebody else? It's important you understand it's because not everybody is people down here. You got to stand your ground and you got to be firm. Because all she's doing is using you and your weakness against you. And that's abuse. A person that truly loves you Let You Go. They don't hold on to you if you don't want to be held on.
btbc92

1 y
Don't go around treating people like that. You got to do this out of love. Not because you just want to get out of a situation because it's too hard for you. Because of your really like this you going to have a lot of problems holding onto other relationships. You have to really ask yourself what you doing dating in the first place. So why do you invest yourself in relationship with another person. It's imperative cuz this is about you now. It's not just about all the people. Because being in the situation is going to reflect what kind of person you are and who you may attract in the future. You're not going to know how to fully understand dating a person like that. Because it was going to really say is that you got something within yourself that you also got fix. Otherwise you wouldn't be attracting such a person.
btbc92

1 y
I understand where she's coming from, as well as I understand where you are coming from. But one thing I have learned even if somebody who's been abused herself. You can't save everybody if you can't even save yourself.
Asker

1 y
Thank you so much for the insights! :D

I appreciate your effort, and I see your point. She needs help, and I'm more than willing to help her. But just like you said, I cannot be her lover. So I'm trying to convince her that I can still help her, as a friend.

Answer 6

btbc92

What I want to know is what does she need a psychologist for? In that situation she doesn't really need a psychologist. You supposed to have somebody to really love and depend on. A woman is supposed to depend on you. If you're not somebody a woman can depend on, you don't need to be in a relationship and you just need to be straight up on if you don't need to be dating. I'm sorry, she may be struggling and going through stuff. But if somebody created me like that and I haven't done anything to Warrant that kind of behavior, that person doesn't love me. That person wants benefits. You knew she had baggage and had things going on. That doesn't necessarily go away. What's your spirits abuse that basically changes your entire brain. It doesn't mean you can also get healed from it, but you're going to be experiencing problems on and off. If she's too much for you just tell her that. It's going to hurt her once you leave anyway. What's the point of breaking up with her if you're going to get another woman that's not going to be with her baggage in the first place? Because I bet you. Because 9 out of 10 times you're going to be other women you going to take interest in. Because if she's involved with another man who's going to treat her better then the next thing you know you're the one is going to try to contact her again, so you can try to get her back. Tell the freaking truth. There's a reason why she's hesitant. Because she's questioning your love for her it has nothing to do with her seeing a psychologist. Has to do about with your intent.

Answer 7

Asker

She told me that she might have bipolar, and she is hearing voices whenever she is under stress. This happens mostly when I raise the topic of break up.

I think she's just afraid of being alone, and want to fill her emptiness by clinging on me. She bombards me with texts if I don't reply her for quite some time, and she stayed up 24+ hours when she is anxious about me breaking up with her.

At the same time, she said she's not too sure whether she would still like me if I stop showering her with compliments, and stop playing along to her emotional tantrums (suicide threats, guilt-tripping, etc).

Answer 8

btbc92

Are you serious? Man you got to be one of the most coldest people I ever met on here. She's not bipolar she's under so much stress. And I guarantee you when people deal with that kind of stuff is mostly demons. And they attach themselves to her because she has open doors in her life. The tired of Truth she needs help for herself because she don't love herself. At the same time if she is that caught up with her own problems she don't need a relationship. She needs to go get help professionally. And you need to make that very clear to her. Because what she's doing is not only hurting other people she's hurting herself. She cannot rely it on other people to fill her with things that she don't have it in herself. She's responsible for self. Because if she don't do what she got to do, in the end it's going to be on her. You leave because you have to. Not just because you want to. You cannot have someone like that abused you also. Because that is psychological abuse that she's doing Siri if she's doing all of that I highly suggest you contact the suicide helpline or somebody who was in the mental health field and help them fully understand what situation you're going through so they can better accommodate your situation as well as show you what to do next. What you're going through is something that needs to be evaluated by a professional, and it needs to be handled properly. If she's doing that she's trying to trap you and the relationship. And at that point you're not in a healthy relationship and this is left to do about with her being the way she is. It's something else is going on with her and it doesn't sound normal. Who you talkin to doesn't sound like you're speaking to her. It sounds like you're speaking to a bondage spirit. It is best for you to say it's over. There's nothing for you to explain. She make the choice of what she's going to do. If she God forbid chooses to commit suicide you are not responsible.

Answer 9

btbc92

In situations like that is not because she's afraid of being alone. It has everything to do with control. And the only way she's going to really get better unless she is by herself and she is with people who can best help get better. All you can do is be her friend if that's what you personally want. But you cannot be her lover. Because all you're basically doing is tying yourself to a demon that's in her. Remember. Whether you believe in spiritual things or not you must understand that this is more so on a spiritual level and is Beyond Your Capacity. People are carrying things they have no idea that they are carrying. Which is why you got to have true love for people and you got to be forgiving and learn to be a good person. Because once you abused a person, what you have neglect, what you have abandonment, you open yourself up to these things when you are not aware of it. You have to forgive her because you don't know where she picked it up. You don't know what really happened to her. You got to really ask yourself are you really speaking to her or are you really speaking to somebody else? It's important you understand it's because not everybody is people down here. You got to stand your ground and you got to be firm. Because all she's doing is using you and your weakness against you. And that's abuse. A person that truly loves you Let You Go. They don't hold on to you if you don't want to be held on.

Answer 10

btbc92

Don't go around treating people like that. You got to do this out of love. Not because you just want to get out of a situation because it's too hard for you. Because of your really like this you going to have a lot of problems holding onto other relationships. You have to really ask yourself what you doing dating in the first place. So why do you invest yourself in relationship with another person. It's imperative cuz this is about you now. It's not just about all the people. Because being in the situation is going to reflect what kind of person you are and who you may attract in the future. You're not going to know how to fully understand dating a person like that. Because it was going to really say is that you got something within yourself that you also got fix. Otherwise you wouldn't be attracting such a person.

Answer 11

btbc92

I understand where she's coming from, as well as I understand where you are coming from. But one thing I have learned even if somebody who's been abused herself. You can't save everybody if you can't even save yourself.

Answer 12

Asker

Thank you so much for the insights! :D

I appreciate your effort, and I see your point. She needs help, and I'm more than willing to help her. But just like you said, I cannot be her lover. So I'm trying to convince her that I can still help her, as a friend.

Answer 13

MzAsh | 64 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Guru

It’s odd that you have a plan to break up with her when she moves, aka no longer convenient to you.
It might be that you both would benefit from seeking professional help.

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1 Person

Answer 14

whatdoyouwantt | 182 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Xper 7

What if she actually does love you

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Asker

1 y
I'm not too sure, she was telling me about how she was crazily in love with this one guy just a week before she said she like me. And she seems to be more concerned about how I treat her, rather than getting to know me more.
whatdoyouwantt

1 y
Well yea then I’d be concerned too.. what are you goin to do
Asker

1 y
Good question.. For now I think I'd let her visit a psychologist first. She told me that she hasn't went out with her friends for a long time, so I also asked her to reach out to them.

Hopefully after all these, she will be able to take the break up much better. :)
Show All Show Less
whatdoyouwantt

1 y
Good idea! Hope it works well!!
Asker

1 y
Thank you!! 😄

Answer 15

Asker

I'm not too sure, she was telling me about how she was crazily in love with this one guy just a week before she said she like me. And she seems to be more concerned about how I treat her, rather than getting to know me more.

Answer 16

whatdoyouwantt

Well yea then I’d be concerned too.. what are you goin to do

Answer 17

Asker

Good question.. For now I think I'd let her visit a psychologist first. She told me that she hasn't went out with her friends for a long time, so I also asked her to reach out to them.

Hopefully after all these, she will be able to take the break up much better. :)

Answer 18

whatdoyouwantt

Good idea! Hope it works well!!

Answer 19

Asker

Thank you!! 😄

How to make my girlfriend realize that she's not truly in love with me?

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