I met a guy online. We talked for months, but we were long distance. He flew down to meet me four months after we started talking. We started officially dating the day he flew down. He flew back to his state a couple of days later, and we continued talking. He would fly down every month or every other month and we would spend time together. We talked over text/phone all day, every day. Then, I found out he lied to me. About his age, his job, and where he lived. He’d been living in my town the whole time. At his ex’s house. He’d even slept in the same bed as his ex once or twice while talking to me. And kept all of it from me for months. I decided to stay with him, but this would continue to be a trust-issue with us throughout the relationship. How do you trust someone who lied to you about everything? So, I would bring it up and ask questions about the situation a lot. Maybe I’d bring it up too much. He would get silent sometimes and ignore me when I brought it up. He blocked his ex eventually, when I’d asked him multiple times, but she came and visited him at work after he blocked her. I told him I needed him to tell her that he didn’t want her in his life anymore, and he wouldn’t, because she was depressed and he wanted to be there for her. And this was after basically telling me he didn’t think depression was a real thing. Eventually, I broke up with him over his inability to let her go. If he wasn’t willing to tell her he didn’t want her in his life, he wouldn’t be able to have me in his. I didn’t want to have to worry or be jealous all of the time. I was already struggling to trust this boy who broke my heart by lying to me about virtually everything. So, I broke up with him, because he kept saying he didn’t know if he could tell her he didn’t want her in his life anymore if she kept coming to visit him. I kept giving him chances to pick me and say he would tell her he didn’t want her in his life, and he wouldn’t pick me. (More Below.)
So I packed all of his stuff up, and he left. He messaged me later that night, saying he called her and told her not to contact him anymore. They talked for over twenty minutes. He said he called her crying, she asked what happened, and then she told him not to worry about her and to go work it out with me.
Am I overly insecure, or was it reasonable for me to want him to cut off contact with her? Does the relationship seem completely unsalvageable?