Is gas lighting, cheating and being physically abusive more acceptable if your a woman?

Anonymous
I spent the last 3 years with my on and off ex. I used to love her but have kinda came to realize those past 3 years have been a disassociated hell and I’ve lost a lot of friends pushed away family members, got into a very unhealthy state both physically and mentally.

From the beginning she acted fishy with some of the guys she was continually messaging on snap chat, then she caught an STI somewhere in the mix of things (through cheating), then came her hidden photos sent to other men, then I caught her setting up fuck night with someone and dumped her and took her back out like a jack ass for her to leave me for the same guy a month later as I caught them in bed together that time. She made me feel crazy and gaslighted every time I tried to talk to her about her loyalty or confronted her for lack there of and it worked every time until I caught her in bed and even then she tried to make me believe what I seen wasn’t cheating.

She was abusive and possessive and it progressively got worse. At first she used to hit me when she was on her period and got to frustrated or emotional, then she started hitting me for making bad decisions, then would do it because she thought I was talking to other women after I caught her cheating in person and kinda stuck since. I never once hurt her. I realize at my worst I liked it because through all the cheating and betrayal it felt like she still cared.

The times I broke up with her, she used suicide as a shield so I wouldn’t and it worked well because I couldn’t let my first love think that way.

My family and friends knew some of the things she did and the more I tried to reach out the more I felt pushed away. My friends blamed me for staying but I always had excuses for her, my mom was the only person I could really talk after the first year of it.

I wish I hadn’t gotten into a relationship with her but I feel if the roles were reversed she’d be helped not pushed away for being manipulated and abused.
Is gas lighting, cheating and being physically abusive more acceptable if your a woman?
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