What is a "second option" to you? How would you define this situation?

OK so here is a scenario.

You and your ex boyfriend/girlfriend had a long relationship. Had it's ups and downs, then it ended mutually.

You two were best friends and still are.

You have both seen other people. Dated other people, hooked up with other people, etc.

Now you've both experienced what it was like with different types of people, maybe similar to your ex or very different.

When you two come back and "connect" again or hang out, whatever. Lets say your ex boyfriend/girlfriend got out of a relationship and you weren't in one at the time and you two started talking again and reconnecting. Maybe one is scared to commit right away because they are afraid of repeating the past, yet they still want to keep you in their life, they still want to cuddle, kiss, maybe even get to have sex?

Do you consider yourself a second option because their past relationship(s) didn't work?

Or do you consider it fate, that after seeing what else was out there they and yourself included realized that no one can do what you two can do for each other.

Or do you have a different view on this kind of situation?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Before I settled down with my husband of 10 yrs. He just got out of a relationship and I did too. We started dating right away, but I didn't want him as my rebound guy. So, I suddenly backed off and started dating other guys. After going out on several dates my mind just kept going back to him and he out ranked those guys. I ran back into his arms and, well we fell in love got married, had babies... However now we're divorced! lol But don't let that last part stop you, because we get along now and I still think he's a great man - just not with me. :-)

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    • aww I'm sorry...this situation is kind of simllar to my life which is why I needed input but I also wanted to open it up so people could share their stories...im sorry it didn't work out, there is one thing with my ex is we both disagree with divorse, but I can't argue because I've never been through your life...its too bad you two couldn't work it out :/ best wishes to you and thanks!

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What Girls Said 2

  • Considering that both of you guys had problems during the relationship (lack of maturity, unresolved emotional issues), I don't think that you are this girl's second option. It just means that both of you were not ready for one another and you simply needed to move different ways. There is nothing wrong with that. Perhaps she is also considering re-entering the relationship. If you were her second option, she would simply ignore you and find someone else... if she doesn't have problems finding bf's then don't worry.

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  • If they don't know if they want to be with me but they want to use me physically, that's never going to happen. That's rebuilding a relationship that's hanging on to a f*** buddy until someone better comes along.

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    • *not rebuilding

    • but even after you both have already seen other people...would working a 70 hour week and attending school be stressful enough than to try and start something that will clearly take effort on both in the beginning due to past - not overwhelmin stress but still addtional stress to their current lifestyle/time constraints...wanting to see the other but not having time because you're so busy...no>?

    • If you're really in love with someone, then you're willing to work at it. The only person who would be benefiting from that situation is the one who's completely fulfilled with just a sexual relationship (usually the guy). I'd end up feeling used and my pride won't allow me to hook up with guys that don't want a real relationship with me.

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