Would you break up with me over this?

So, long story short.

Been seriously seeing a girl for a little over a month. We were close friends first, and it was a long time coming. we moved in together right away and on that front, things are good. So, though it is a short time, it is, indeed, serious (living together, dinner with family, her mom is getting me a job, etc.). I am a pretty damn good boyfriend, and her friends tell me that constantly, and her family loves me for it.

One day, she left her Facebook logged on and my suspicions/jealousy got the better of me and I read her conversations with her EX of four years (broke up over a year ago)

there some stuff in there that really hurt my feelings, and was out of line on her part (this I know for sure, and is not just my opinion).

I have been putting on a brave face but what I read is still bothering me (especially as the conversations continue).

would you break up with a guy if you found out he read your Facebook (keeping in mind I have been a very devoted and caring boyfriend otherwise)

Updates:
I guess I should add that she has some pretty extreme insecurity problems that I do not feel will go away any time soon for her, as it has been a life long problem for her. Of which I knew going in.


Generally speaking, she seems to be constantly seeking approval from him... which is now just a p*ss off. To compound things she is really battling with some anxiety/depression/debilitating migrain issues, make it hard for me to decypher how she is feeling... I am worrying a bit too much...

Also, we have a mutual friend who may be breaking up with his girlfriend (her friend) because she ran into her EX over their summer holiday. so I was kind of like, "now you know why I am insecure about you talking to your's..." I said it ina nice way, she knows I am insecure about it, I told her I am not perfect and get jealous. We all have that right. though, I know I didn't have the RIGHT to check...
LASTLY... I read it once more since the first initial time. and the message was more like "I really want to be you friend BOB [the ex]... and I just feel like I am not a prirotiy friend for you any more, and that hurts"...


So, generally speaking, I am just uneasy about their friendship...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, from the sound of it, I would not break up with you. You're only human. I'm guilty of this too, so maybe I'm not that harsh on you for that reason. She may take it differently. But, if you're a great boyfriend otherwise, you should be fine. I would not enjoy what you witnessed either, probably. You should be honest with her. How you feel about opening her Facebook, how you feel about the conversations. But really know that you had no right to snoop around and you should be sorry for that. These kind of things can ruin relationships. Insecurity, lack of trust. But, also there might be reason for it. Then again four years is a lot of background to have with someone, and she is with you right now. If you don't want to lose her, appreciate that she is, in fact, with you. Communicate.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 9

  • Well, I wouldn't. I'd talk to him about it. Fix things and stuff, put boundaries or whatever. So, I wouldn't but you should haha. Seriously. If you're the really good boyfriend you say you are then you don't deserve this kinda girl.

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  • No if anything you should break up with her! Yes looking at her face book was a "no no" on your part, but if you feel so uncomfortable that you felt the need to check that's not a good sign. I used to talk to my ex as a friend, while I was dating someone and that led me into problems because the guy I was with didn't want me speaking to him. I kept talking to my ex, in secrete because I didn't want to upset the guy I was with. Well he went on my MySpace and saw that I was talking to him nothing bad just some issues my ex was having that he wanted me to help him with. Still my relationship with him came to an end. I admit I was disappointed that he went into my stuff, but I feel horrible that I never let him know how much he meant to me that he actually felt the need to check up on me. Come clean if she feels bad about it then work on your relationship but if she has the nerve to get mad at you, trust me you don't need a girl like that in your life.

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    • very similar to my situation indeed. but what I read was more along the lines of "i miss you" " I don't know if you feel the same way" " I want to get over you and just be your friend" "im sorry" etc. so contradictory for sure...

  • I wouldn't. I of course would be livid that you read my convorsation. I personally think you're the one who would be needing to do the breaking up. IF that happened to me, I would've lost my trust in that person... I hope things work out! :)

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  • Yes. You have no boundaries. Some things are private and I would feel really disrespected if my boyfriend thought that it was OK to sneak around and read my private messages because it would feel as if he doesn't trust me. Jealousy is a ugly thing for a man to wear and a very big turn off.

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  • No I would not break up with him over that. I would need to sit down and talk about his concerns with him

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  • I would wonder why you did it...I mean if I've never given you a reason to doubt me, I'd be upset...

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    • ah, there was some reason, I told her why it wasn't just "an ex"

    • Show All
    • Thanks for all your help! I believe I may have got some closure on it this morning. she sort of broke down (crying, etc.) this morning, which is the third time this weekend. I had a feeling it was based on their break up, but didn't bring it up. But she finally did, and got it off her chest so to speak. She is still having a hard time having been abadoned by him (quite literally), it is just generally hard to deal with. I am glad she finally came out and told me how she'd been feeling and why

    • That's good!

  • No...

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  • You moved in after one month? Sorry dude, waaaaayyy too fast and neither of you are mature enough to have a successful outcome in this relationship.

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    • ah, we were good friends first. And live with two of my best friends, whom are also her friends. Though, I don't disagree, it was a big risk.

    • I don't care. Not smart. I didn't move in with my now husband till we'd dated for two years. Usually people who move in fast like that break up... in fact, I've never seen a relationship actually work out when people move in fast, and by fast, I mean one year of dating or less prior to living together.

  • Hmmmmmmmmm...

    he doesn't trust me...

    can this work then...

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What Guys Said 3

  • Dude who gives a sh*t about what she said or did in the past. The past is past. Unless she was beaten, abused, or she's a complete psycho. Be happy that you have her as your girlfriend.

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  • Ridiculous...

    You're only human, we all f*** up, and on top of that you had a good reason to be upset.

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  • What did their convo say about you?

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    • not about me, more about her seeking approval from him. wondeing if he still likes her, which is seems to be it clear constantly he says he doesn't. If she were a more rational person, I'd have been out the door that day (I actally moved my sh*t out, but didn't leave).

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