How do you love yourself after a breakup?

I've read that it's important to love yourself, especially after a bad relationship to help you get back on your feet. But that's not exactly easy to do, in general (ie loving yourself.) unless you're narcissistic...

It's been a year since I've broken up with my ex. and I've been looking to get back my sense of humor ever since. (I'm working at it. Some days I sense it coming back. Some days it's just depressing). I have not yet been able to crack jokes like I used to.



It has been difficult to love myself after my breakup. I realized I was treated like crap during the relationship and I had done nothing wrong except for treating him too kindly and for forgiving him one too many times. My heart broke.

This isn't about how much I miss him (I don't.). I'm so thankful he's not in my life anymore. But I really feel like I've lost myself. I've always seen myself as someone who is kind to others but now that's just stupid. It's just an invitation to get treated like crap.

I've been doing my best, meeting new people. But how do you get back to loving yourself after a really bad relationship? I'm having a tough time building my personality back up.

and Dressing up nicely (and getting some stares from guys) or eating ice cream or exercising hasn't really helped.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's very difficult to love yourself after a break up, especially if you're the one who was dumped. I felt worthless after my break-up and I had a very very hard time for several months after. Instead of taking care of myself I would go out and drink my pain away, and sometimes even went out looking for a fight to take out my aggression's. The fact that she loved me, allowed me no closure, and moved on so fast afterward absolutely destroyed me. It broke my faith into pieces on the floor as well. I knew we were destined to fail since she was just too young and too emotionally immature to handle a loving and long term relationship. We had such a great time together and we were kind of the "it" couple. Everywhere we went we knew people and just were a very social couple. Her new boyfriend is quiet and they are always out just the two of them and seem to always isolate themselves off into some corner of a bar. Hey I am glad they are happy. I have days where I miss her company but I never want her back. I miss the days I used to make her laugh so hard that she would actually tell me to stop. I also miss the great feeling I got for doing nice things for her and watching how happy they made her. I know this new guy can't compete with what I did, but he must have something else to offer her. Looking back now, she did just enough to make the relationship work while saying she "loved" me and I always went above and beyond. I wasn't appreciated, I wasn't loved or respected. I was the boyfriend she could bring home to her parents and her friends all liked. I was just a stepping stone for her and now she's settled in and is actually probably unhappy herself. I am also so glad she isn't in my life, but there is something missing. I have had such a hard time re-adapting to life and everything else. I lost my job because I was so distracted by the emotional pain as well. I am unfortunately done looking for relationships and honestly really have no interest in having another. My heart can't take another break, it's already been broken three times.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Empower yourself. Ask yourself "what makes him so special that he thinks he can treat me that way?" Repeat it over and over again.

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  • A big part of it is simply time. Do things you want to do. Workout, educate yourself, things like that.

    For me personally, the biggest confidence builder, was setting small goals and meeting them. Then I set bigger goals, and starting achieving them. I currently have a massive plan for success and self-reliance that will have me set for the rest of my life, and dating isn't even a second thought for me because of it. All of my confidence and self-worth is tied to my own efforts, and not any other person or tangible relationship. If my confidence is broken at this point, it will be because I broke it myself.

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  • It's spending time with friends and meeting new people! Slowly the interaction with people (who have no agenda) will drag your old self back out of you! It's a process, sometimes it takes longer for some than others but if you already notice traits of your old self coming back it will keep coming. It's like a train! The journeys began, try and enjoy all the stops along the way!

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