How to handle a reserved ex?

Hi,

basically - my ex broke up with me a year ago claiming he'd fallen out of love, and we go to the same uni - I have tried my best to get over it as much as possible but I see him every day and seem to have hit a wall...

After the break up, he refused to talk to me when I asked for closure- as there are somethings I wanted to get cleared up. He said he wanted to be friends, but since the break up generally avoids me a lot, but stares at me a bit... has invited me to his birthday - but if I try and have a normal conversation with him he just closes off within about 3 seconds - never asks anything back/ just stops talking after I ask "how are you?" and he's said "fine" Its awkward as hell, and I just want to talk it out and get on with my life.

How do you get round a guy like this? He literally talks to no one about his emotions/ anything personal... is there anything I can do?

thanks


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  • My ex is the same, I ended up being able to confront him one night on chat and he said 'he just doesn't talk to people much" and when I ask his best friend (who I'm good mates with) he says he doesn't speak of his feelings. But I would say I still 100% haven't got my closure either but go with a more confrontational approach (this is assuming you don't want him back, because its not the most flattering on you) Basically cut the small talk; say something that will make him reply (so you know his there) then just be like "whats your problem?!" he will be like huh? be like look I don't want to get back together I just have a few questions please respect me enough to give me these! say what you need to say and then hopefully you will get a flowing convo, but make sure you ask ALL questions in the one conversation because you don't no if you will get another chance! All comes down to the ego ! if you question their character there gonna response!

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    • thank a lot for that- yes I think I need to just go for it - I don't really know what I'm looking for... to get back or not- but I do know I just want some peace of mind. And yes, I think if I say "whats your problem" next time he tries to blow me off might just do the trick, because I'm always pleasent towards him - this might give him the slap in his face he needs... would you recommend just turing up at his house to talk? or at an event? I just don't want it to all backfire :\

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    • Well when I did it with my ex it made things better because he also had questions so we cleared things up, as long as you are asking questions being like oh why did you do/say this but don't attack them don't ever be like "your an a**hole you never did this for me" because that will make them feel like sh*t and no chance of friends etc. But in terms of getting back together (ive never got back with an ex) the one I had it out with ended up asking me back out but it would never be the same again

    • but honestly you shouldn't give a sh*t what happens after because if you need answers to move on then get answers then get them because no one is gaining from your silence. Plus if you find this out you know where to improve for next time. Again if your anything like me you were prob not harsh enough on your boyfriend when he did mess up and regret that so don't regret this aswell!

  • Force him to talk to you. Say that you need this to be able to move on, instead of making small talk next time simply dive straight into saying something along the lines of 'we need to talk'

    If he refuses to talk to you about it from then on, don't accept his invites, don't bother to make small talk, delete his number if you still have it. Completely ignore him when you see him until he corners you and agrees to give you that talk.

    I know how important it is to have that talk so if he's being a jerk and won't talk it out with you, do not speak to him ever again. You deserve much better than a guy who dances around uncomfortable topics.

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    • thank you! I was preparing to get bombarded by people telling me to give him a break. The last time I asked him to tlak was a year ago and he point blank refused and has been dodging any attempt to talk - small talk or not ever since. though I sort of need to work out exactly what I want form the talk... how did you think is the best way to approach this?

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