Just ended my most serious relationship ever, but I am not upset. Why?

A few days ago Sarah and I broke up.

We are both 23 and were dating for 10 months.

Sarah broke up with me.

She broke up with me because I didn't make her a large enough part of my life (she was upset I didn't invite her out with my friends enough, she said she didn't meet my family enough, etc, etc). She thought because of this I talked bad on her and was hiding her from friends, whatever. In my opinion this is a really strange reason to break up with someone, but whatever. After we broke up she sent me a text saying I never cared about her and was seeing other people anyway. I never responded to this text, but I did care about her a lot and I was never unfaithful to her.

I felt like things were heading south recently so I was OK with the breakup. I told her I haven't been happy recently and I didn't think we should date anymore either. I wasn't exactly caught off guard because we had been fighting recently.

Although we only dated for 10 months she was by far my most serious girlfriend. We were not just bf/gf, but best friends, we did everything together. I was super close with her family and friends. We spent a lot of time together. At times we both thought we'd be together forever.

However, I'm not that upset we broke up.

And I can't figure out why.

A few months back (7 or 8 months in) I was just not happy in the relationship. I felt like Sarah was taking advantage of me, was rude to me and just walked all over me. My friends and family said they could see a change in my emotions and attitude and most people attributed to the way Sarah was treating me. I was pretty bummed and I broke up with her because of this.

That break up lasted a few days, but we got back together.

For whatever reason my feeling about her and the relationship following this first breakup were so much different. Before the first break up 7 or 8 months in, there would be days before that I'd be upset for hours over something super stupid, or I would wake up in the morning wondering where Sarah and I stood in our relationship. I told this to Sarah and she claimed she never felt the way I did.

But recently I never felt like this anymore.

Can't figure out the sudden change.

Anyway, this time around she broke up with me.

But I am not upset.

I see stuff she gave me lying around my room, but I don't get sad.

I see her email address all over my inbox, but it doesn't bother me.

I am not afraid to say I am an emotional guy, but I can't figure out why I'm not upset over this. Usually when I break up with a girl I can't function for a few days and then the pain slowly subsides. Right now it's kind of a whatever, I don't care, not that upset, kind of feeling.

Why do I feel like this?

I have dated girls for 10 weeks who I got upset over more than when Sarah just broke up with me.

In the back of my mind do I think we are getting back together?

Am I not upset because the first initial break up took out so much emotion from me?

I am just confused as to why I feel like I do.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You sound near sociopathic and way too robotic for a serious relationship. I'm sorry, but you sound like an emotional retard to the core. Guys like that are annoying. A lot of guys think they're supposed to conceal emotion and act like that, but it's just a pain in the ass. When you're having a relationship with someone and they act like that, it feels as if your relationship's growth is being stunted. Get it together or you will always have women wanting to leave you because they want more or have found more.

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    • What? Act like what?

      Sorry...I am just confused.

      I'm not sure what I did wrong in the relationship?

      What growth is being stunted?

      I appreciate your response, but I have no idea what you are talking about.

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    • lmao why would I be insecure!? it's not MY relationship we're talking about here. It's reality. Don't take this out on me, don't hate the messenger. If you were all that great of a boyfriend, she wouldn't have broken up with you so don't try to make it about me

    • she just has more friends than me. so we see her friends more.

      she is way closer to her family than I am to mine. so we see her family more.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • It could be because this time you didn't initiate the break up, she brokeup with you. You probably don't feel as guilty as last time and that voice that asks you "am I making a huge mistake?" isn't there. In otherwords you don't feel responsible that things ended. and/or it could be because deep down inside you're thinking "she's making a big deal out of something that is non-existent and its her fault for letting things get out of hand. There could be so many reasons why dependingon who you are, everybody's mind works differently. Remember me and my boyfriend, every time we go through a "break-up phase" I'm usually pretty relaxed because I know if I give it a few days, we'll both come crawling back to each other, itskind of... Expected. But everyone is like that so it depends. maybe deep down you're releaved that she ended things or maybe your're emotionally used to a situation like this therefore making it easier to deal with. Hope that helped!

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  • It could be that it hasn't hit you yet or maybe deep down you didn't care too much for the relationship and is glad it's over. Or maybe like you said, you still think that this is just a temporary thing and that you'll get back together.

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  • Your pretty much accepting the fact that you guys didn't work out. Even though you guys dated for a long time, when you know everything is going down in a relationship. In a breakup, some people just accept it how it is and others take time to heal from it. The healthy way to go is to move on. She broke up with you so find another girlfriend.

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  • Maybe you haven't yet fully realized what's happening. But I think it's more likely that you knew and felt that things weren't good and hence you subconsciously already dealt with some of the pain and the loss of her before you even broke up.

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What Guys Said 2

  • It's just instincts. To quote Adele " Go head and break my heart to make me cry again, cause it will never hurt as much as it did then." You have a healthy and clear head on your shoulders. Be grateful that she can't hurt you.

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  • Give it some time, if she gets a new boyfriend, it will upset you, because you'll realize it really is the end of the line.

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