How and when should I ask out an ex girlfriend?

I started dating my ex in the middle of freshman year, in Feb 2010. We were each others' first loves. The first 8 months of our relationship were amazing. We would meet up 5 days a week, chat every talk, and talk each other to sleep on the phone.

However, problems showed in the last 4 months. When sophomore year started, she focused more on her extracurricular, which cut our time down to 1 day a week. This was one of our main arguments; she thought I was being super clingy and I thought she was just cutting me out of her life.

On our one year anniversary we "promised" each other that we could hit 2 years. However, 9 days later, we broke up after a nasty argument on gmail. She basically said that she loved me, but she wasn't in love with me and also said that she didn't want a boyfriend anymore. I spent that last night at her house where she said that she didn't know if it was over FOREVER, but she definitely needed it done for now.

We still remained on talking terms for a few weeks after the breakup, but when I made the crucial mistake of asking her to reconsider her choice, things went downhill. The next 4 months was a cycle of me making her mad, her ignoring me, me apologizing, us talking again, and me pissing her off again. This got to the point where she blocked me from fb and gmail and told me that she didn't want me in her life at all anymore.

I decided to talk to a good friend who was in college and had his fair share of bad breakups. He told me to leave her alone for a while so I could think rationally.

Once summer started, I didn't talk to her for 2 months and I spent my time honestly trying to improve myself in every way. On her birthday in August, I sent her a card and asked if we could talk/meet up sometime. That night, she unblocked me but didn't initiate conversation. I waited about a week until I chatted her up on gmail. She seemed happy to talk to me and we ended on a non awkward and friendly note.

About a week later, we were talking and she suddenly told me that she wanted to make it clear that her unblocking me and talking to me was NOT a hidden message of any type. I told her that at the moment, I was just trying to be friends, and that nothing I do would change her mind, she had to change her mind by herself. she thanked me and said that it was cool how I meant what I said.

However, there are still some confusing signs. She hid her relationship status on fb, she accepted my friend request, and then unfriended me again 4 days later literally for no reason. Also, even though its been 2 months since we started talking, she still tries hard to appear neutral when we talk. For example, she usually says "nighty night sleep tightttt! :)" instead of "night. it was nice talking to you."

Also when I see her in the halls, she glances at me and then avoids eye contact and looks down.

My question is, when and how should I ask her to hang out again? We're (mostly her) still kinda awkward the few times we talk in person.

Thanks!

Updates:
perspectives from girls would be most useful, you guys are so damn complicated sometimes :P
something that I don't think I made really clear: we talk about once or twice a week on gmail now, she always makes an effort to respond to me even when its really clear that she's busy with homework or something. I'm simply asking how I can take this semi-awkward friendship phase and turn it into something better

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel your pain. People like this who are indecisive. It's better to leave them alone. I met my first love when I was 18, we went to the same college an were going good well into college. We met on days off, did term papers, read together, studied together. We met in senior year of high school. I never thought he would break my heart as he did. I got very attached to him. I mean I was head over heels for him. The love I felt for him just got stronger with time, while the love he felt for me just got weaker with time. He begin hanging out with his brother, got a new office job and is only attending college part-time. He's out clubbing every weekend-which never really bothered me.

    He finally came out to say that he no longer loves me anymore. Sickening enough. I began falling down on my school work, being late for work, can't eat, sleep, nor concentrate. I have fallen into a deep depression etc. I know it hurts like a BlTCH, but you have to stop all contact with her. Right now she sees you as a stalker with no life. You don't want to keep up that image. My ex saw me as an annoying ex, now he's in love with a married woman. I mean you just have to stop trying. When they see you have stopped, they'll wonder why, and they'll start to think about it. You want your ex to miss what she had...Not continue to run away. Stop chasing her and let her chase you. Give yourself credit for trying. Take it easy and focus on you, go to the gym, work on your abs, get strong and get your act right. I guarantee she'll come running, maybe when you already found a new girl. Hope this helps.

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    • thanks for your response, I appreciate the honest opinion. however, I feel like I posted this in kind of a wrong vibe, because many people seem to think that she thinks I'm a stalker. call me naive, call me ignorant, but I know for a fact that she does NOT see me as a stalker right now, I keep my space with her and I leave her alone at school. she definitely used to think that I was stalking her, but now I think its just a mixture of leftover pain and hesitance to get close to me

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    • lol I know its a long post, but try to read more carefully :P she blocked me at first after I got super annoying, I left her alone and worked on myself. she unblocked me after I sent her a card 2 months ago. we've been talking about twice a week on gmail since then, I just want to make the next step

    • Then go for it buddy, but try not to seem desperate. The worse thing she could say is no. Don't be afraid of rejection. Good luck!

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • Here's something simple:: You're way too young to be 'steady' with anyone, so accept that she wants to live independently. Try again in a few YEARS if you're still inclined!

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    • to be honest I'm don't even have time for the same relationship I had before. junior year has tons of homework, I have frisbee on the weekdays. plus my ex won some world archery championship so she's super busy on weekends. I'm not so much concerned about having a steady realationship with her again, I just want us to be good friends without the awkwardness

    • Well, you know, pretty much she has to put distance between you for a 'friendship' to work, and it'l be a distant friendship for a long time.

  • why would you put yourself through this? You are turning into a stalker.

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    • explain

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    • Good luck but you should learn how to take a complement. Guess you will find out the hard way when you scare the next one off. cheers!

    • thanks for the compliment then :P

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