I feel totally disrespected

For about three months I've been talking to this girl who is more than amazing and I honestly am in love with her. We talked everyday all day and we were flirty more than I'm usually comfortable with. It was very obvious I loved her and I can't see how no one told her or how she claims she doesn't know. She made it clear the first time we talked that she was just out of a relationship and was hurt. That said I'm a gentleman and was patient and gave her time. Last Monday I go to ask her out and she has a bf! WTF! And its someone she's known for like 2 weeks. Why did she do this to me? she's all apologetic and wanting to be friendly and she just stomped my heart out. I have watch them together everyday kissing and holding hands sayi I love you. I'm beyond upset, I don't understand at all. She says she felt and still feels the same way I do but now its too late. Can someone please help me figure this out I'm so heartbroken

Updates:
I crossed lines I shouldn't have. We were hangin with friends and we kept talking about this situation all night. I ended up driving here home and we talked a bit when we got there. I don't know how but I found myself making out with her. It happened and then without a word she got out and I left. So... WTF! I am so confused

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am sorry to hear about your pain, but you need some tough love here.

    1. How can you be in love with someone you have no relationship with? You were her friend, not a relationship to her, and no wonder she is totally surprised by what just happened.

    2. You weren't a gentlemen, you friend-zoned yourself. A guy who wants to date a girl and have a relationship, will ask her out and if she says no, he will keep in touch here and there, and try again in a few months. If she is still not interested, he will move on. He won't become her daily buddy, taking calls and flirting for months while she figures out what she wants. He will leave that to guys like you.

    3. She did not know you "loved" her because you did not tell her. And, you did not tell her, because it wouldn't have made sense. It goes like this: Flirt, date, girlfriend, love. You can switch the last 2 steps, but love doesn't come before dating.

    So, this is a perfect example of how to end up in the friend zone. You unwittingly became this girl's buddy and she enjoyed your company while she waited for a romantic partner to come along and ask her out. Hopefully you can learn from this. Honestly, I don't think she would have considered you as Boyfriend material if you had asked her for a date right away, but you would have known she was not interested immediately and would have avoided what you are going through now.

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What Girls Said 3

  • She's just not that into you.

    Honestly.

    It sucks when the stars don't always align, but trust me, she doesn't mean you any disrespect and isn't trying to hurt you by dating someone else. Regarding: "it's impossible that she didn't know I loved her" - no, it's not. If neither of you said anything explicitly, she can't say she knows, and even if you think you've been dropping the biggest hints in the world, people can be mighty oblivious.

    Sorry to hear this happened to you.

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  • She doesn't feel the same way, she just she does to be nice.

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  • Well she has a boyfriend now so the kissing thing was her breaking rules or you did, so she left. But anyway girls have a lot of guy friends. Maybe you never made a move so she thought you guys were just friends

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What Guys Said 4

  • "It was very obvious I loved her and I can't see how no one told her..."

    This is so wrong on various levels. Number one, you are making it "obvious" that you "love" someone you have never even been in a relationship with or even dated? Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that scream "psycho"? Number two, since when is it other people's responsibility to convey your feelings? Even if you did need to have her know that you "loved" her (which again is a big no-no) why is it up to other people to tell her?

    "...or how she claims she doesn't know."

    Wait, she told you she didn't know that you liked her? So maybe she just didn't know that you were interested. Note: I used the word "interested" and avoided the "L" word. If she honestly didn't know (I am giving her the benefit of the doubt), then it's not her fault.

    "Last Monday I go to ask her out and she has a bf! WTF! And its someone she's known for like 2 weeks. Why did she do this to me?"

    Well, quite frankly he asked her out and you didn't.

    "She made it clear the first time we talked that she was just out of a relationship and was hurt."

    Sure...the first DAY you talked! Why didn't you ask her out a month later? You kept waiting and another guy moved in for the kill.

    "She says she felt and still feels the same way I do but now its too late."

    Feels what? Is she saying that she likes you?

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  • Well, that's just how girls are. They think it's completely right to be disrespectful to us but if we are only half as disrespectful as they are, we are complete heartless a**holes and jerks.

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  • You've fallen into the typical "nice guy" trap. You don't understand where you went wrong, you were so nice and helpful!

    That's the problem. You became her emotional crutch. You spent 3 months moving yourself out of the "potential mate" column and into the "nice guy/friend" column.

    I can understand you not wanting to ask her out immediately if she just got out of a relationship. That's fine. But waiting 3 months? Way too long. I would say a week or two max.

    Now she just feels bad that you've fallen for her. That's why she says she "feels the same way but now its too late". Obvious BS. If she wanted to be with you romantically she would.

    Learn from this experience going forward. Don't hesitate so much in the future and don't let yourself be her emotional crutch.

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  • Lol wKe up stupid. Do you think girls really give a f*** about how you feel? I can't blame you though. Every good guy learns that at some point or another. You're just a bit late. Girls only care about how they feel and find someone to make them feel great about themselves. You had your chance but didn't close the deal. Some other dude with a d*** did. To her it doesn't matter all the efforts you put into it and your own feelings, that is never even crossing her mind, it's all about her in the end. Learn your lesson and don't put girls on pedestal and believe all the crap they tell you about being hurt etc... It's 99% crap.

    Go after the one you like, make her feel goid and f*** her hard and well. Then see if you want more. If not dump her ass and go for the next one. If you like her, invest more energy and time.

    Girls feelings and mood are like the weather, always changing. Don't pay that much attention to them. You'll see, everything gets saner and simpler.

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    • He wasn't a good guy, he was a doormat. He acted like her buddy for 3 months instead of asking her out. To me, that is like a sneak attack. You hang out with someone for months, acting like a friend, and then surprise them with talks of love and relationships? I wouldn't appreciate that and I don't know who would. If you want to have a friend, act like a friend. If you want to have romance, ask the person out.

    • He was being the good guy. Good guys have been raised and told girls feelings are fragile and you should give them time and be there to support them etc...

      He did that thinking that it would mean something to her, invest his time and be there to listen to all her sh*t. Typical young buck mistake. She took what she needed from him and was now ready for the next guy with a real d***. He learned his lesson, next time he'll stop listening and focus on f***ing her right.

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