How can I finally get over this jerk?!

so, probably the #1 thing that's still bothering me is this tortuous, venemous, toxic, awful, and selfish friends with benefits relationship I had at my ex job. everything was great when I first got hired in December, then I started to flirt meaninglessly with a coworker, and by April, we were (what I thought) secretly hooking up. it was just kissing and a little more at first and then we ended up having sex. he took my virginity and I think, though I'm not sure, I took his. anyway, I did this because I was moving away in two months and I didn't give a crap. well, everyone at work knew pretty quickly cos he blabbed his mouth, so when I left, I told him I liked him and he showed me he didn't feel the same by not even responding to me or talking to me while I was gone. I ended up moving back due to family reasons, and lo and behold, my old job didn't want me back. I tried twice and they basically gave me the runaround, so I left embarraseed and eventually found another job. Me and the guy hooked up a few more times, between fighting and my feelings being more and more hurt by my own pure masochism of just wanting him around knowing he didn't give a **** about me than having no one. eventually, it fizzled out, and I got my heart broken.

i've been trying to move on, by going on bad dates, trying to hook up with other guys, blocking him on Facebook, deleting his number, try to forget about his existance... anything. but everything still f you c k ing reminds me of that stupid guy. call me dumb or easy or whatever, but I actually think I fell in love with this guy. at times it's so bad, sometimes I think I can try for the 1000th time to make it work with this guy, but I know it's never gonna happen. I maybe I only feel this way is because he was the only guy I ever did anything with, so maybe I just started off on the wrong foot?

anyway, I am literally scared to set foot at my old job. I know I will have to go sometime, like tomorrow. I'm going to study with a friend and since I talk about my old job's food so much, he asked if we could go there, and stupidly I said yes. I literally feel like I cannot do it. or any other time for that matter. it's a chain resturaunt, so if I wanted to go eat their food, I actually drive miles and miles in the other direction to get it just because I'm so freaking embarrassed. they all think I'm a hoe from that one experience and I'm really not. and it's just embarrassing that they told me I could come back and then freaking reject me just like that guy did. and I hate him and then I love him. I know that all of them know. I know he will be there. and I don't know what the f you c k I'm going to to do. the thought of it literally just makes me want to vomit. WHY WHY WHY?

please help me. yes I know "i made my bed and am laying in it", but I just want to forget about him and move on and be able to freely go to places from my past without being humiliated. cos I know he humiliated me :(

i just want it to stop.


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What Guys Said 2

  • first off you gotta get all the pain out and by being anonymous you are making yrslf weaker

    secondly don't go to the old work just yet, find some friends who are for you go to a club or some place where people would come upto you and flirt with you so that you feel a little better

    thirdly go to year best mate or the one you trust the most put your head on there shoulder and cry for hours while they listen to whatever pains and problems you have in your life then when you are done go to your house take out the cloths he liked you the most in and burn em

    then find yourself a boyfriend whos macho and go back to that guy's workplace

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  • hes not a jerk you're just easy, have a little respect for yourself

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    • didn't answer my question?

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    • i do take responsibility, but it's NOT 100% my fault. it's not like I forced myself on him, it was a mutual thing. the only that was my fault was getting feelings and making the dumb decision to do it in the first place. but NO it's not ALL MY FAULT. I've had to grow up these past few months and fix myself... but you know, I don't have to prove anything to you. I just want my memory of him to go the f*** away. that's what I asked.

    • no its all your fault, grow up take responsibility for you actions, how do you expect to survive in this world there are wolves that will eat you alive out there so you need to grow up

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