Is sending messages through Facebook to another girl considered cheating?

Well I been with my boyfriend for the past 3 years and through those years he first spoke to one of his exes through Facebook and he told me they were talking dirty. She is married and has three kids and was doing this. He told me he was sorry and did it just in case I cheat. Then I forgave him and just grew to get over it. Then like 6 to a year ago he confessed to me that he told this girl he works with through Facebook that he wanted to f*** her brains out. I forgave him once again. He said he was sorry and I just got over it again. Then the latest thing he did was tell this married woman that used to work at the store he works at, that her ass will look so hot in spandex and that he couldn't do anything because I will kill him. The first two things he told me he did and the last thing I accidentally saw it on his Facebook messages because he was signed in. I forgave him a third time and told him that if he did it again I'm breaking up because this really hurts, I love this guy and he says he loves me too. But I am at a point where I don't trust him. Do you guys think this is cheating?What will you do if this happened to you? Thank you everyone! Also I have to add we are in a long distance relationship but just two hours away and we see each other almost every week.

Updates:
SOrry correction: 6 months to a year ago.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whether it's cheating is up to you. Every relationship plays by its own rules; there's no Relationship Rulebook that has a list of acts that define what cheating is, chapter and verse. That's up to you and him, for you to hash out together.

    I wouldn't say that he's acting in a trustworthy fashion, however. He knows how you feel about his chat, but he does it still. Either he's not understanding how you're feeling, or he's uninterested in how you feel. Either way, it doesn't look like he's working on a way to break his pattern, so continuing in this way is a recipe for long-term unhappiness.

    It's boundary-setting time. You need to hash out with him, what sort of contact he's allowed to have with other women, and what he isn't. A look here and a smile there rarely hurts anything, but if he's actively propositioning people while dating you, he might need to rethink whether he needs to be in an exclusive relationship at all.

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    • Thanks for responding, but as a guy and I want a guy's perspective. Is this cheating for you? How will a guy feel if his girlfriend did this to him? Also what do you mean continuing this way? Like if I just keep forgiving him? Thanks once again.

    • To me, anything you don't tell me about is cheating, but most things you tell me about in advance will be okay. But that's how *I* run *my* relationships. I wouldn't expect and wouldn't ask anyone else to do things my way.

      And yes, I mean to keep forgiving him. Forgiveness is fine, but there should also be some accountability. If I keep hurting you, over and over, in the same way, it's an indicator of how I feel about you; it shows I have some comfort with causing you pain--that's not good.

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What Guys Said 2

  • While he may not have cheated on you physically, his behavior has destroyed the bond of trust between the two of you. Given your own statement that you don't trust him, how do you expect the relationship to survive long-term? Trust is an integral part of the foundation of a healthy relationship; are you sure you want to stay with this guy?

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    • Part of me wants to stay because of the way he treats me sometimes, and the other part of me does not. His excuses for doing what he did was that I am too far and we see each other every week, I call him EVERYDAY and I make sure to bond with him and he tells me he did it because I am never there. I am sure no one will want to be with someone like this.

      Thank you for your response.

  • This is a question you might want to ask him, I don't think he is, because I like to mess around with girls I don't even know off of that site, and I never get to sleep with them.

    If it happened to me I wouldn't worry about it, I would just go find someone who loves me more and doesn't want to "hoe around."

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What Girls Said 5

  • Yes, that's just as much cheating as anything else. The fact that there's no physical contact shouldn't make it any less of a problem and he should be aware that that's the case. You need to let him know that you won't stand for that, he's direspecting you and your relationship together and clearly has no regard for your feelings if he feels it's OK to do that. If my boyfriend did that then he'd be more than welcome to do all those things because I wouldn't be there for him to have to answer to. He's not taking your relationship seriously enough, but I think you need to take it seriously too and let him know how you feel and what has to change. If he's unable to do that then he's just not relationship material by the sounds of things. People will only get away with things if you let them!

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    • Thank you for your answer, I do take this relationship serious and I always think if I give him a chance then he will change. He is 27 and I'm 20. But I will see if he changes, and if he does it again I will rather break up even as painful as it might be and move on. Thank you once again for your opinion.

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    • Thank you so much, it makes me cry just reading your comment because it makes me think of what he has done, and it's so sad to give someone your EVERYTHING and them do this in return, and I am in college and have never cheated on him in any way. Thank you and I hope my understanding and patience does make him change and if not I rather be alone and in my studies.

    • Aww I'm so sorry if you're crying lovie, please don't be upset over it. You're still relatively young and if things don't work out then things just aren't meant to be. Your studies are really important and it's good you have your head screwed on right. It is upsetting, I've had that happen to me before but you only do your best and let him change. If not at least you can say you were faithful and gave him the chance :) I'm here if you need someone to talk to

  • My boyfriend does the same thing, he talks to women over Facebook and MSN, says because he's not physically cheating on me that I should just get over it. He says I'm a drama queen for worrying about it...To me it is still sneaking around and being inappropriate, if they wanna speak like that to women then they should be single!

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    • How will he feel if you did that back to him? Will he like it? What have you done to fix this? and like how do you cope with this? because I'm having a hard time coping with it and I feel I can't trust him.

    • I asked him how he would feel and he told me he wouldn't care, but I know he would. I haven't done anything to try to fix this cause I know he doesn't care, he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. I told him it hurts my feelings and he tells me to get over it. I don't cope well, I'm depressed and I don't trust him..but I'm determind to switch things around and get the upper hand

  • Well first of all.. he did it in case you cheat? That is the most stupid and ridiculous thing to say... I don't know if I consider that cheating, but I understand why anyone else would. If you're not okay with that, then he should not be doing it in respect to you

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    • yeah I know that is a freaking stupid excuse and the last two he said it's because I am never there with him, because we live two hours away and I see him every week, once at least. And we talk EVERYDAY and I try to make him happy and bond with him. I feel like I need to toughen up. Thanks for your response.

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    • He obviously is not worth it. You want someone who will fight to keep you. Trust me, my boyfriend will fight to keep me. He one hundred percent puts up with my crazy emotional behavior and that's exactly what you deserve and what any one reading this deserves

    • And be sure to remind yourself of that on those sad lonely nights

  • I think its cheating...but its not really physically.

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  • Why the hell are you with this bum who treats you like sh*t?

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