Long story, but so heartbroken & need advice desperately on my ex!

its a long story, but if your willing to give your time to read and give me advice, I seriously will appreciate it as I need it bad right now.

basically, me and my now ex boyfriend had been together for 14 months. perfect relationship like you wouldn't have believed. yes, we argued and fought and did all stuff that couples do, but we had an amazing relationship. never cheated on each other, never hurt each other and always loved and cared each other. anyway, the reason we broke up was my mistake. for the duration of our relationship, I had issues trusting him. not because he couldn't be trusted, but because my ex still haunts me because he shattered my trust so so much. I know your all thinking 'you can't have a relationship without trust' and I know you cant, your right! but the thing is, I'm so angry and upset at myself :'( I've been so stubborn when it came to trusting him, whenever he wanted to go out, I wouldn't say no, id just be like so concerned he was going to cheat. eventually it came to him never going out because he wanted to avoid the conflict. in my gut and my heart, I've ALWAYS known that I trust him and he wouldn't hurt me, but my mind over powers that or at least I've let it and I have put so much crap on him.

we recently broke up, nearly 2 weeks ago. and a couple of days ago I saw him to make sure we can clear the air and see where to really go from here. he told me that he wanted to be friends with me because he cares so much about me that he doesn't want to lose everything we had. and he said if he realized he made a mistake, he'd come back and see if I would take him back. he's basically testing the 'you never realize what you had until its gone' thing. he also kept kissing me on the cheek and the forehead and was saying that it was so hard not to kiss me or touch me, and I took off his ring and he saw and had a massive problem with it, as did he when I asked if he could take his stuff home. he refused it. he also said that if any guy tries it on with me, he'd absolutely kill him and we came to the agreement that we weren't going to see anyone else for the time being until we know this is really it. also he said he loves me, and always will.

i know I've made mistakes, but the thing is I know this will make us stronger if he lets us. I Haven't begged him, I've took a step back for now. I just want him to realize that we can fix this mistake, and that our relationship is good enough to give it another go. I want to prove to myself and to him that I can be a good girlfriend and that I can learn from this lesson, and move on with it. I know we're not together, but what can I do people to make him realize that this doesn't have to be it?

does no contact work?

if I'm out with him around, what do I do to make him think hmmm?

how can I prove to him that I trust him now that I'm not with him?

i need all the advice I can get. I'm not desperate, but I am just not giving up because its something I know can be fixed! thank you people xxxxxxxxx


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I seriously just went through this same exact thing, in fact, if you go through my history of questions, that will be proven to you! I was with this guy for 2 years and we broke up basically because we would get into arguments because every time I would hear of him even talking to another girl, I would get "mad". He did the same thing, but it began to wear on both of us. So we broke up, we were still in love with each other, we decided not to see other people and still hung out and stuff. But this is what you need to listen to...

    The more we hung out during our break up, the more we started to hate each other. Because we were still trying to control each other but we both got used to being single and doing our own thing. Basically, I was the one who had the broken heart out of this relationship, but I got so tired of him trying to control my life that I finally decided to stop talking to him. And I did. I told him I was going to but his exact words were "doubt it". So I completely stopped talking to him for about a week. Then one day I get a text from him asking if he could cruise with me and my friends. I decided I'd let him, that I'd be the more "mature" one. So I let him and I treated him like one of my best friends, he apparently felt so uncomfortable because of how nice I was to him, that he had me take him back to his car. He then started texting me telling me he didn't think I'd actually be done with him and by the end of it, we were dating again, after 5 months of that stupid sh*t.

    Basically, you need to make him realize you don't need him in your life, that you will be okay either way. And you need to act like you don't care what he does as far as hanging out with other girls and such. Do your own thing and let him do his, even if it bugs you. Trust me, you will become MUCH stronger!----sorry for the long response!

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    • thankyou so so much for this answer, I really appreciate it and its really nice knowing someone went through the same I am now, it gives me a little hope aswell that it led you two back together! two questions! are you still with the same boy now or did you find out things didn't work, and even if you arent, how was your relationship, was it stronger? and also I'm going to a party on Thursday when he's there :/ need help as to how to make him think I'm moving on!

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    • ah thankyou so much, I hope I have the strength to make it work! I just don't want to shove too much under his nose so that it makes him run a mile :/ should I make the effort to talk to him, or should I just wait til he comes over to me? x

    • Don't ignore him, just act like he is one of your good friends! If you ignore him, the result could end up not so good. So, you really need to act like he is one of your good friends, treat him the same, and don't hang on or around him all night. =]

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What Girls Said 3

  • Only time will tell. You need to go ahead and live your life without him ofr the time being. I would not contact him at all let him come to you. I once read an article about this & it said when guys ask for "space" and they do come back be sure to give them more space then they need, so in other words don't act like the eager beaver that's been sitting around waiting on him. Let him know that you can live without him, that's what will make him want you more IF he truly loves you. Best of luck!

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  • you took the fun and excitement out of the relationship by not letting him have his ownlife you will seem dependent and needy.

    give him space, don't come across as a needy mess so unattractive, give him space he needs in meantime work on your issues. when he comes back and I'm pretty certain he will then tell him you've had time to think and you are willing to give things a try if we BOTH change this, this and this.

    you are coming to a fair agreement and you hold the cards, good luck

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  • I think its a normal girl thing to do. We get 'jealous' in a way when a guy that we're with hangs out or talks to other girls. We're afraid that they will prefer the other girl and leave us and because we become emotionally attached and care so much about them, we believe that we are the only ones who can treat him right so we do our best to protect him from other girls who can hurt him. Guys don't see things how we do.

    I went through a similar situation. I was with this guy and also got jealous when he was with other girls, even though I knew they were just friends. I was afraid something would happen and he would decide they were better than me, even though I knew he cared about me and wouldn't cheat. About 3 months ago he ended things with me and said it would be better if we stayed friends. He said it was because he was busy and wasn't sure if he was going to be here for university next year so he didn't want anything complicated. I'm not sure if this was the real reason because he seems fine without me and surely if I meant that much to him, he would still care about me and make an effort to talk to me. Its really hard, I'm still trying to get over it.

    No contact does work I think, but only if you know the guy cares. If he cares then he will make an effort to hear from you, but if he doesn't then he could just take it as a sign to move on. Like everyone else has said, you need to show him that you don't need him in your life and you are fine without him. This will make him notice you and see that he wasn't the only thing that your life revolved around. Show him that you've moved on. If he starts talking to you, act normal, don't be too forward, be more distant. This will make him want you more because you're being more 'secretive' and are not saying what he wants to hear. You can only show you trust him once youve gotten through the first part. You need to prove you don't need him and when he comes back, if you accpet him, then you just need to take that leap of faith and believe that he means what he says. Good luck:)

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