How do you get through your first break up?

so my ex and I had been together for a little over two years. We had the rest of our life's planned out together. And at the end he decided to move on with his life. As far as I know there's no other girl. We got into an argument and he just told me that there was nothing else for us to talk about. I called him back several times until he picked up and I sent him a text but he did not want to work things out.

He was my first boyfriend and I miss him terribly. I can't stop thinking about what he's doing who he's with or where he's at. I dream about him. I just do not know how to move on. I act and pretend like everything is fine. But inside I could not imagine feeling worse. So does anyone have any advice that can help?

broke up not break up


Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to leave him alone...

    You need to make him miss you.. Don't chase... You cannot chase...

    I know your really hurt, and your brains spinning and all. But You need to do things that make you happy now. He's being selfish by being happy, and you are sitting around crying.. You need to be selfish and do w.e you want, do what makes you happy, even though you might feel weak while doing it, just keep pushing forward and you will see that its not the end of the world.


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What Girls Said 3

  • Im going through the same thing right now. We weren't together nearly as long, but for what time we were together, I seriously thought there was never going to be an end. Things didn't end badly (so I thought) just in a fight that I thought we would eventually make up from...But he is showing me otherwise, so I have no choice but to move on with my life. I'm currently looking for the same advice as you are...which is why I bothered reading your question and answering. This breakup is by far the worse iv ever dealt with. But we gotta remember that life goes on.

    Dont bother contacting him anymore. I know it will be hard...but there more you blow up is phone and act needy then 1.) the more you validate is reasoning for not wanting to work things out. He will just write you off as crazy 2.) Don't allow him to take your self esteem away. He has already taken enough

    Everything always happens for a reason. Remind yourself of that everyday. You can't think or feel for him. If he wants to come back he will. But if he doesn't then at least you can have closure.

    Hang with friends, or be alone. Which ever helps you cope (im finding both does)

    Join a gym and workout. It helps keep your mind off things for a while. And you will be in the process and creating a better you! (not that there is anything wrong with you now lol)

    Something I'm planning on doing is driving out to the town where I lived when I was a kid. Back where things were simple...and I can clear my head from all the pain and drama...if only for a day.

    Its OK to cry. But evenutally snap out of it. Everything is going to remind you of matter how simple, complex, big or small. But don't run. Smile, remember, and move on. This is reality and its better to face it, I'm finding. Time will make everything better.

    Sorry your going through this...

  • It will take time to feel better, but you need to go out and have fun, spend some time with your friends, plan a girls night and dress up really nice go to dinner and a movie with them and have fun. Trust me, It helps a lot when your trying to forget the one you love(d).

  • I have actually been through exactly the same thing this past year and my best advice is to have as little contact with your ex as possible. He has made it clear he does not want to work things out and if he has a change of heart you can be sure you will hear from him


    It's incredibly difficult but contacting him when you miss him will just make you feel worse and only help him move on, because he still thinks he has you.That's what happened to me. I just kept the communication flowing between me and my ex. When I first threatened to cut him out, he cried like a little girl so I took pity and we kept talking. However, he didn't do anything to win me back over and eventually my anger erupted. He took that as a sign I wasn't the one, and grew more distant until eventually he was the one telling me we couldn't talk. It was unfair on his part, but I was also foolish to not protect myself.

    It is important to channel your focus and energy into something productive,something that makes you feel good about yourself. You are in a very vulnerable emotional state, the person who you had centered your life has suddenly disappeared. As human beings our self esteem relies on our interaction with others, so it is no wonder you are questioning yourself and feeling depressed and less worthy. You need to rediscover wonderful things about yourself AWAY from your boyfriend. It is also important to reach out to your friends even when you would prefer to be alone. Wallowing in your depression will not help it go away. You need to consciously make an effort to surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. A girl friend or guy friend you can call at any hour when you are THAT close to calling your ex is helpful. It may seem silly but you need to discipline yourself emotionally if you want to rebuild your self-esteem, and your friends and family will help you through that.

    And you may be waiting for your ex to contact you and tell you, you are the one and what a huge mistake that is (and who knows maybe he will) but it is unlikely. It sure didn't happen with me and to be honest it still bothers me that I never got that validation. But I can't let my life be defined by it anymore than you should let your life be defined by him. Even if he did want you back, you probably know it will never be the same between you because the trust is broken. It is most helpful to eliminate the possibility of reconciliation from your mind, eliminate the possibility that he even wants you back. Although it is hard, you have to accept the fact your ex and you are over and there is nothing he can say or do, or you can say or do to change

    that.This is so pivotal when truly moving on. When you accept that you will be on the right track.

    Grief takes a long time to heal. Almost 10 months later and I still think about my ex but the pain isn't crippling my life anymore. Heartbreak is part of life and we become stronger people for it. Good luck and chin up!

    • ALSO- do not... repeat, DO NOT seek a rebound. I made that mistake as well and believe met it just took THAT much longer to get over my ex. You will not find answers in someone else's arms, You need to find them in your own. You need to focus on feeling comfortable alone again, even when it's unbearable! It's better than confusing your feelings further with another person! Trust me.

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