Did I do the right thing with ex boyfriend?

I sent my exbf a letter telling him how I felt during the relationship/ break up and how I still care for him and miss his friendship. But told him that the ball was in his court now, as I was through making the effort and getting nothing back - he has to do some-thing if he still wants me around because if he doesn't I will move on and he'll have lost his chance.

background:

together for just over a year, met before uni, went to uni together to do same course,

All was fine until about 6 months in, he got a new group of friends and began to initiate contact less and less, instead of being reserved and quiet he began to get very drunk a lot more often and become loud... basically turning into a totally different person,

found it difficult to talk together anymore as we didn't have anything new to say/ didn't spend enough time together other than sex

I got scared and backed off because I thought I was smothering him / felt rejected, though I had a bit of a go at him a couple of times when I felt really upset, other than that I was always lovely with him/ trying to do nice things for him,

He broke up with me saying he didn't love me anymore, I was too separate from his friends, he found himself avoiding me, I made him cringe... oh and when I asked what I could have done to be a better girlfriend he told me to get rid of a jumper I used to wear in the depths of winter... he thought it was appropriate to insult me like that as a joke...

I realize that I wasn't perfect, because I got scared and backed off so much that sometimes he felt I was purposely blanking him, but that's only because I got cold responses from him / he ignored me on nights out etc... but I really miss him - the guy I fell in love with - even though he pretends to be someone else these days I know he can't have possibly changed this much.

He told me he wanted to be friends but mostly ignored me straight away after we got back to uni after the hols (though he did start a random fb conversation with me once over the hols about work). HE did make an effort to say hi at a party once or twice but then that all stopped. He'll watch me from across rooms and in group conversation but will NOT talk to me. If I try he blows me off / is rude and short with me/ kills all conversation, even if he's looking at me as if he wants to talk when I try I just get shot down- its almost like he's the one that got dumped...

It got quite a lot worse after I had a drunken night with a mutual friend (BIG mistake I know... and very out of character for me, I just felt so alone...) and then when I got a new boyfriend (also a mutual friend in our year- I didn't do it to hurt my ex... it jsut sort of happened- though its over now...) he wouldn't talk to or look at me or my new boyfriend for a while.. then started being friendly towards him and more ignorant towards me.

So things were awkward- I asked to talk to him and he refused. Avoided me even more.

This went on for a year. Then he invited me and a few friends to his house for hi

Updates:
Then he invited me and a few friends to his house for his birthday - we sort of avoided each other all night up until I gave him his present which was very personal - everyone else's were very generic. He seemed genuinely thrilled with them, thanked me and became very cheerful all night. He even talked to me a little, smiled at comments I made within the group (though he was very drunk) - my most current ex (the mutual friend) and I were the last to leave and we helped him clear up a bi, the ex
the ex in question and I took the mick out of the most recent ex a little and he was quite pleasant with me when we talked (though we were both pretty drunk)- he got a little abrupt when we were leaving though- I think he assumed we were leaving to go back home together- when we were actually going to separate houses. but then the next day when I went to pick up some stuff I forgot he was pretty cold with me again (though that might be because my most recent ex insited on tagging along too).
have been away abroad for the past 2 months and being away from everyone helped me get my head stright- I felt like I needed closure to be able to move on and be happier when I get back - but I also wanted to give him a chance to tell me how he was feeling because I really can't guess... he seems to hate me the majority of the time but occassionally it slips... any ideas on that people people


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are a classic case of the Uni chitters, its all new and yes he will and can change that much, and although you fell for him, his world has just become bigger, and there's a lot more girls in it now, and he has a lot more friends, which gives him more reason to not be with you, because with his new friends, comes more girlfriends, so you really need to do what he is doing, and enjoy Uni, because, there's no way your relationship will get back what it was before. He has now generated an attitude and needs to fit in with the others, which means, hanging out with you lots, won't be seen as cool to his new friends. What you need to do in the future, is only be with the guys who continually make the effort towards you, regardless of friends, because if any guy don't want to prove his worth for your talents, then he is obviously not worth you, its that simple, men who are interested will prove to your their interest and their worth, otherwise their just bums who bum around with each other, will use anyone to get what they want, and of course, you have talent which won't go unnoticed, but this also scares men without a backbone, because they don't know what they want, but realize you know what you want, which is really confusing for a new UNI BOY, so let him mature some more and allow yourself a bit more talent than him, good luck,x

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What Guys Said 1

  • From your long question, it is clear that you have been a good girlfriend and after the change, have been trying to understand him (probably more than you need to.)

    You should not have to make all the effort in a relationship. It takes two to Tango.

    Be more considerate to yourself and don't allow yourself to get into a situation where someone is able to make insulting remarks. If a person has changed and behaving badly, just tell him that you don't like this and find it difficult to deal with him.

    So, it is good that you have moved on. Time to get him out of your mind.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Send him packing! He is a class A jerk! Why would you want to be with someone like that anyways? If he didn't realize what he had when he had it, its too late! Don't give him another chance, he doesn't deserve it.

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