Is it selfish to leave someone because you aren't in love with them anymore?

We've been together over 3 years have a child he's in live with me still(I think) but I feel no spark. I love him but idk, I truly can't see myself growing old with him.

This past 3 years hasn't exactly been fun we fight a lot and its changed who I am. I'm now unhappy, close minded and feel a lot of hate. Is it selfish of me to no longer want to be with him even tho we hve a family together and he seems happy our child seems happy?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Been there. Done that. I feel guilty for wanting to leave my husband, but not selfish bec I believe I do both of us a favor. I believe we can be with someone else that we care and truly love and be happy and feel fulfilled.

    If you think this is what you want, then do it. The longer you procrastinate, the more you two be miserable, hopefully in time you won't resent each other. Child or no child involved, remember you do for the sake of your child too. Yes, it will be tough to be single and on your own, but you'll be better off. Staying is not going to change anything...

    Can I ask aside the fact you mention above ( no spark, no love, you changed) why you want to leave him? Meet another man?

    • No I haven't met another man, I'm just tired of all this, we had a really rough year after our kid was born, mostly because he wanted nothing at all to do with me or our child and basically our relationship was hell, that's when I fell out of love, things hhave gotten A LOT better but I don't know we havbt really had an emotinal connection since then I just don't know really

    • Show All
    • Yea that's exactly it, I just don't want to hurt him or our daughter. Also if we were to have joint custody id be scared to hand her over to him, basically when we're at home and he watches her he mostly doesn't pay any attention to her. I don't know if he'd feed her I don't know if he'd let her get hurt, when it comes to being a parent its like he's incapable. I usually don't leave her in his hands for more than 15 mins.

    • that sounds serious -- he should take part in parenting, she is after all is his child too, not someon'e stranger. I hope things work out well and in your favor... if you stay all of you are going to be miserable and hurt. But, it is your choice, something you really want to do and stick with it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • If one parent is not happy then inevitably both will be unhappy.

    I split up with my ex whom I have two children with simply because there was no love left, nothing but strife and we decided our children didn't need a home where there was animosity.

    My ex and I get along just fine now, our kids are doing great and we're both much happier being apart.

    • Well that's good, I know he doesn't want to break up. Its not 24/7 stress or anything, I just don't want to be in this relationship anymore

    • If you don't want to be in the relationship anymore, then get out. Your unhappiness WILL affect your child.

  • i think you should tough it out for the childs sake, live in the bed you made


What Girls Said 1

  • i think it would be fair to talk to him about it instead living your life as a lie be honest otherwise you would be dragging him along in something you don't believe in

    • I've tried talking with him about it but he takes it as a joke or says he doesn't want to talk about it

    • Let him know that you're serious and that if he isn't willing to talk about it, you're leaving. If he still balks, you should get your stuff ready and leave. First though, you should look into the issue of custody. That's going to be a major thing.

    • Thank you, I just feel a bit guilty he's never givin me a reason to end this I'm just done and have been for awhile now. I don't know I feel selfish really

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