I feel like I'm being tested in my relationship?

I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months now and he left last month for marine basic training and won't be back for two more months. Before he left he kind of hinted at proposing to me but I think he thought it was too soon, but then we had a huge fight before he left and I was being melodramatic and broke up with him. We only sort of made up but didn't really get back together, he just said he wanted to "figure things out" when he gets back. Personally, I am terrified of commitment and I self-sabotage almost all my relationships. I feel like I'm supposed to marry this guy but ever since he left I feel like I'm being seriously tested on my faith to him. For instance I work in a restaurant and I had this extremely gorgeous guy come in and he went out of his way to get my number and ask me out. Then, my ex that I've always had major feelings for that I dated four years ago (but have been friends with ever since) started flirting with me like crazy on Facebook last night. Both of those scenarios are things I'd only dreamed about but as soon as I'm the most committed I've ever been and my boyfriend's away for months, both of these things happen...within days of each other. Anyways, my question is, what should I do? How can I stay strong and faithful to my boyfriend that's away? Because I really don't wanna lose this one.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Isn't free will such a big responsibility?

    It's all about willpower here, QA. If you can think in the long-term (your boyfriend) instead of the short term (these guys making passes at you)...you can last until he comes back from his military service.

    The reason why most relationships seem to fail so miserably nowadays, is frankly because people are too selfish and only think about themselves in the short term, therefore having no loyalty to anything long-lasting.

    Don't fall into that trap...and you'll be OK. With full focus on your man when he comes back, staying faithful shouldn't be hard. :)

    • free will seems more like a curse in my case because the kind of person I am, I'm so used to taking advantage of any opportunity that I want. I'm not used to restraining myself from those opportunities and it's kinda driving me crazy to be honest, but I know if my boyfriend was here I wouldn't even have an issue with it, I wouldn't even give those guys a second thought.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I would really like to give you a nice, well laid out logical answer. It could say things about considering your goals, or why you broke up with these other people before. I could say things like self-examine yourself about your fear of committment, or why you self-sabotage relationships. All of these things can help lead you to becoming a better person.

    But I'm going to give you a weird answer instead.

    You are being spiritually tested.

  • First off, if you have to ask this question, it shows that you shouldn't get married PERIOD to anyone right now. Especially if this Marine ends up going over seas into harms way one day. For his safety he needs to have a clear mind, not wondering if his girl is cheating on him, or if she is going to leave him for someone else. Even though he is in training right now and doesn't have a clue - when he gets back after graduating boot camp he'll sense something is wrong. And it's not fair for both of you as well. You get married when you only have feelings & thoughts about that one man you're going to marry.. not ex bf's or 'gorgeous guys' attracted to you...


What Girls Said 2

  • if you were terrified f commitment you would not even be THINKING of marriage. certainly would not feel like you are supposed to marry anyone. I don't think you are afraid of commitment. I think you have other problems, that you call fear of commitment.

    getting bored or curious about other lovers, is not a fear of commitment. its just not feeling like being committed.

    a fear of something is extremely strong and dominating.. youe just a bit bored. it seems.

    why did you break u, by the way. you say you were being melo-dramatic. but maybe you were not. maybe you had a good reason.

    i notice often when someone says I was being melo-dramatic or over reacting, its usually because the other person didn't want to talk about it. got angry and made them feel guilty/. so they end up apologizing and blaming themselves.

    idk if that's what happened with u, as you left out the most central piece of information.

    u could have started a fight just to get rid of him. or you could have been legit upset over something., that you in retrospect feel ashamed over. doent mean you were being melo dramatic. something bothered u. obviously.

    • Well I wasn't bored when my boyfriend was here, I think I'm probably just lonely but I mean what are the chances that my ex that I always wanted back decides he wants me back NOW of all times? because he's seen me date other people before and didn't mind.

      I broke up with him because he hardly made any time to see me before he left and I almost felt like he was avoiding me but he was also extremely busy at the time with paperwork from the marines and interviews and family events, etc.

  • I think that right now you also should be single to figure out what is that you want right now, obviously your feelings for your current Boyfriend aren't as strong as you think if your having trouble with temptations.

    If your confused maybe you should just enjoy your time and once your Boyfriend comes back you guys can work things out together, right now your Boyfriend is also having trouble committing to you too and its OK for you to get your mind clear and figure out what you want for your future.