How do I measure up to my cousin and get as many girls?

My cousin is the polar opposite of me. He is 6'2 with blond hair and is stunning and he works out. I'm 5'8, work out and play sports, but don't look stunning like he does. I've been told I am handsome and that is it. I have only had one girlfriend (ex now) and am still a virgin at 19. Even my ex told me he was handsome, which made me jealous.

He is 22 and has slept with tens of girls who have all been better looking than my ex. What can I do to even the score a bit? We're both studying medicine so job success isn't an advantage. We actually hang around often at parties, and most girls just walk up and give him their number. I am sitting there with him and feel like I got the short end of the stick. Since I started having this problem, we've been hanging out less because I am beginning to despise the attention he gets, while he still wants to hang out.

What to do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I had a similar problem during school with my best friend (although I didn't think he was especially good-looking, but the girls did I guess). I often tried to avoid him because I began to despise him for being so popular and successful with girls. Now, none of these girls are girls I would have dated (not my type personality-wise), but with us being two competitive guys during college, I was clearly 'losing' in the ladies' man department.

    I know the feeling of wanting to be the guy that girls just come up to and offer their phone numbers, but it isn't going to happen at this point. What you should do is find a great girlfriend (easier said than done, I know) and then not worry about how many tramps your cousin has bagged. If it makes you feel better, maybe keep avoiding your cousin for now until the whole thing blows over.

    • But what if I never find that girlfriend. It will never blow over. And I have. He has wanted to hang out a couple of times but I said I was busy. That would be easier to do if I wasn't nervous about the partners a girlfriend has had already. My ex had previous hookups while she was my first kiss. So even she does better than I did.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Honestly, you shouldn't be worrying about numbers of woman you sleep with for these reasons

    1) that is demining to woman and offends us

    2) that hightens your risk for STDS

    3) hightens your chance of getting a girl pregnant ( even with birth control happened to me twice so don't think it can't happen)

    4) sex should strictly be something between a man and a woman who are married

    I think that sums it all up the risks aren't even worth it. seriously though and I apologize for being this blunt, grow up and mature a little bit. Instead of worrying about how many girls you can get you should worry about finding that one girl that you can't live without. Us woman are not objects for your pleasure or should be used for another notch in the belt or to be used as a competition between men. I am sorry if these words aren't what you want to hear but this is what I feel you needed to hear.

    • You misjudge me. I am not insecure because of a lack of notches but because of the attraction as well. It's like two girls being cousins and one gets hit on all the time and the other never does. I used to believe the no sex until marriage until I was bullied throughout high school for it. You could say I have lost hope in people.

  • Tell him that you go for quality not quantity

    • I wish I could ! :( My ex was very high maintenance and controlling, since she knew she could control me with the things she says. If she said my cousin was more attractive, I would try and do things for her so she would compliment me so I could feel better. She wasn't really amazing quality. She was the first girl, and still is, that ever gave me any attention. That is why I feel that any girl that gives me attention, is a rare chance for me.

  • Looks aren't everything. You need character and personality development. You are competing and knowing you are weaker in the looks area than your cousin therefore, your inferior side comes out. He is confident and doesn't have to try hard but you are trying too hard. Kind of like a shoe salesperson who is confident in their ability vs a newbie trying too hard to sell. People can read him. Be relax and confident in your personality/intelligent having values vs knowing you don't have experience and looks when COMPARE with your cousin. You need to be you and stop trying so hard because your mindframe has set you up to feel inferior because you are comparing yourself who has achieve more ( not that it is good achievement with your cousin, he could bag himself a gold digger or std). IMHO, I am not misjudging you, I am giving you a straight hard answer.

    • There is just so much pressure and I feel like there is much wrong with me if I can't get as many gorls interested

    • you are putting undo pressure on yourself ( = stress). Here is an example, there are two girls. One is a pretty girl in her 20s loves to party, drink, and hook up. When she is in her 30s, she realized the alcohol, party life style, and hook up left her wrinkly, beer belly, and alone. The plain girl studied, exercise, and moderation on other things in her 20s. When she is in her 30s, she has a good career, personality, and look health. You are only looking at snapshot now, not long term.

  • Well since you're so shallow about looks (enough to compare your cousin's hookups to your ex? Wow.), you know what the problem is. You're not as hot as him. You seem to grasp this concept quite well with women, but not yourself. Work on your looks and maybe you'll get more girls. Although I sense your personality, shallowness, and extreme competitiveness over who can screw more people is what's ruining this for you.

    • I seem to have come off on the wrong foot. I understand I'm not as hot. No need to destroy my confidence further. There isn't much a guy can do to work on his looks. I don't want to be competitive over how many people we hook-up with, but the fact he is better than me is destroying my confidence. I am using my ex as an example of how often he gets chosen over me. Since, she thought he was more attractive anyway. Also, I have heard her say, indirectly, that she would have chosen him

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    • dont worry about it dude some girls get on here just to run their mouth to people. human beings are visual creature we like or dislike what we see. girls are shallow too that's why they like your cousin. everyone wants an attractive mate. I get what your saying its tough to deal with this sort of thing especially in men we are naturally competitive. there are things you can do to look better but sometimes people are just given more attractive genes and its hard to compete with that.

    • just try to figure out what features and qualities you have that are better than your cousin and then try to highlight them. if you have a better smile then smile more ect. he is taller than you and you say has better hair. there really is not much you can do about the height thing lol I'm 5'8 too so I understand. but try something different with your hair or style. also he is 22 and your 19 no offense but your not quite a man yet you still have a few changes to go through. good luck

What Guys Said 4

  • You know, for someone that's studying medicine, you sure do know very little about "the contrast effect."

    I strongly recommend: link

    I remember when my womanizer uncle took me with him one day as "bait" (i.e., to have something to attract women in their late 20's and early 30's to our group). Needless to say, the plan backfired. He had absolutely zero success with anyone the whole night. Women were confronted with a choice: (1) young, good-looking, non-sleezy, up-and-coming lawyer and accountant, or (2) older, average-looking, superficially charming and sexually eager MBA executive. Picking (1) would be fun, whereas picking (2) "in that situation" would make them feel like a whore, a regular street prostitute simply electing to sell herself to the highest bidder - a negative feeling each sought to avoid. And, since I didn't share his interest in casual sex for sport, we all walked away unhinged that evening.

    Next to your cousin, you're "the short one," the "less attractive one," and the "less hot one." You work wonders for your cousin, however. You are the short yard-stick women unconsciously measure him against, an immediate reference point you provide for him to shine.

    For starters, you should try to formulate a social group of a few men, maybe one or two, who are also around 5'8", also about physically average, and just a tad bit less attractive than you. Why? Because "the group" as a whole must still be "worth" associating with.

    Now, in "that" group, you are the alpha male. You are the "better" looking one, and you have the "highest" expected future earnings potential. You are the male with the higher "relative" social status and power. Thus, given the choice, or rather, presented with the choice of socializing on a deeper level with any "one" male in the group of males, females will "prefer" to socialize with YOU.

    Now, the bigger issue is your obsession with keeping "score."

    You're still a virgin, so I don't blame you as a man. It's very important to a man's psychology to get rid of his virginity. But, after that happens, you'll realize that sex is really not that amazing. Sex is actually pretty crappy unless it's with the right person. As a physical activity which rewards you with the release of pleasure hormones, masturbation is superior if you do a cost/benefit analysis. Yet, as an "emotional" activity, sex "with the right person" (because of the relationship the two of you have built together) is far more rewarding. To get there though, you obviously need to have sexual experience "together," and build sexual comfort. But, you'll find yourself empty, alone, and even more unfulfilled if your sole or primary aspiration is to keep "score" with your cousin.

    • I like this answer

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    • My friends constantly tease me about girls they know I like that I can't approach. They call me names. It's also a family matter.. I don't want to grow up and feel inferior to my cousin when we're adults as well.

    • PM me and we'll talk.

  • Keep some distance betweenn you and him at parties You can 'hang out' without sitting next to him all the time, where you'll be exposed to his popularity.

    There's more to life than sleeping with a lot of girls. If you find one that really likes you, that will be more than a lot of guys ever have. Few of these girls really like your cousin, you know.

    • Regardless, he is actively sought after by girls, and he can be pretty charming. It sucks to know he beats me in every department, because the only girls who would go for things I have over him.. (like dedication, loyalty, etc) would have already gotten with him or plan on doing so.

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    • My issue is that I have. What I heard instead was that they wanted him but were too shy to go to him and that he might not be interested.

    • Not all the girls are impressed by a guy just because of his looks. Plenty of girls look for other things. The majority, in fact, although maybe not the ones that go to these parties!

  • Tough guy game or narcissism game.

    Both work well.

  • You are going about this the wrong way. You should welcome his popularity with the ladies. Why, because most pretty girls have friends, and their friends have friends(hint: that's where you come in if you play your cards right. How do you play your cards rights you ask; by asking your cousin to look out for opportunities to introduce you to their friends, and genuinely supporting him.

    It always amazes me that guys would rather hate a guy that is able to pick up women easily, rather than take advantage of the opportunities that he may afford them.

    I was in a close to identical situation with my cousin. He initially resented my success with the opposite gender and then began to hate me. Needless to say, I kicked him to the curb because If he resented my success, then with out a doubt, he would have tried to tear it down.

    He's your cousin, man. This is trivial; there's more to life than beating him. When you're older and settled, you're likely going to wish that you would have focused on enjoying the time that spent with you're cousin, and all of this will be trivial and thus regretful if you fall out because of your spite towards him. It's not worth it!

    • I congratulate you on being the preferred one in the two person dynamic. I really wish I could be in your position. We have the sort of relationship, where we don't show any weaknesses to each other. I most certainly don't want to admit to HIM that I'm not as good as him. I have actually tried to get him to help me with recommendations. BUT... that same night he took every girl in the group of friends home with him. I also want to point out.. I would rather die alone than have his seconds

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    • I would be fine with a girl like that. Most of the girls my cousin gets with he later says they weret thatgood looking, while I think to myself that they were gorgeous. I have been doing more toning than muscle gain during the semester since I have been swamped in work. Muscle gain has been a slow process. I have the type of body that doesn't look good until I tale my shirt off, meaning I have abs butyou can't tell when I am wearing a coat due to cold weather. I have female friends who mostly ask

    • me for help since they are slightly younger than I am. I don't usually ask people for help because I fake being confident so people think I know all the answers.