Why do women say they like communication from a guy but then fail to communicate when he makes an effort?

I know women and men think differently and I'm not another guy on here bashing women and calling them stupid. For the most part every girl that's been

in my life I've truly genuinely, cared about, not just faking it. And every time I feel there is a breakdown of communication and feel that's why the relationships have failed. But, I was making an effort the whole time to communicate and show I cared and was there to listen to their needs and instead I get the cold shoulder when somethings wrong. Then, I ask them what's wrong and let them know they can talk to me about whatever is wrong, then they're like "nothings wrong, everything is fine" and cut the convo short. Why do women always lie about this? And I know if I push any further, it will drive them away and make them mad. Make another attempt a week later and just get a simple "hi" then doesn't text back. So, I give up and move on because that seems the message they're trying to send me. But, I have been in a couple relationships where the girl just broke up with a ex and made up that I did something wrong and that they hated me when in reality it wasn't that at all, they were trying to disguise that they played me and place the blame on me. Then, other times I've been given the cold shoulder, its been part of a game to see how much of an effort ill make. But, I mean this defeats the whole purpose because to a lot of guys, including me, this sends us the message to "go away" and "leave me alone" or "I don't like you anymore". Men don't want to make an extreme effort here because if that is true, we don't want to come off as clingy or desperate, so guys walk away. So, this destroys a relationship or a potential relationship. So, how to you get past this? I ve been frustrated with this whole thing. I'm not unpopular with girls at all, but I can't seem to get into a relationship that lasts, which is what I truly want. But, not desperately looking for it. I hate saying I've been with a lot of girls, since I'm a one-girl type guy and don't consider myself a player, but I guess its a trial/error thing. And again I'm bashing women. Its just men and women are different and I'm truly making a effort to understand the "other" side to be a more knowledgeable guy.


Most Helpful Girl

  • A lot of times we need time to ourselves before we're ready to have a conversation. I usually say nothing because depending on the subject, I need to decide whether or not its something worth getting upset over. Then I talk when I'm ready. But I see what you're saying, I personally am not this way though. A lot of girls just want you to prove that you care if you really hurt them, and so they WANT you to keep putting in the effort to show that they matter, as they continuously rebuff you. It's a test of sorts. Unfair and stupid, but it happens. My boyfriend, told me, "if you want to leave, you can leave. I can't make you stay if you really want to go, and if you don't want to talk to me, I can't force that either." and that kinda just made me get over myself because knowing for a fact that he wasn't going to chase after me because it would just look stupid, kinda just made me stop doing things like that.

    You can start off relationships by telling girls that you're really bad at communication lol, and that you're doing to take everything they say literally, and then remind them of that fact when something like this does happen.

    • I tend to be different than most guys out there because I do actual care and if I do something wrong , I do actually feel bad about it and make every effort to make things right. However, I do share the common "stupidity" that most men have when trying to interpret "hints" and hidden meanings from girls. Girls who I've truly cared for a lot I've walked away from because they played that game. I walked away not because I didn't care but because I thought they didn't care anymore.

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    • Yay! glad you've found better

    • Thanks!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Because you can't apply a general statement made by some people to every single person on the planet. Expend energy on females who respond to you and reciprocate, don't keep expending energy on females who do not. Don't feel bad for trial and error -- that's what we all have to do.


What Guys Said 1

  • I agree with Ms. Anon, don't play those stupid women games. I stopped years ago. If I ask her what is wrong, and she says nothing, I carry on as if nothing is really wrong. Sorry, I don't read minds. If she has problems, tell me or don't complain. Push me away, I stay away. As long as there are men willing to play along with those girl games, they will never stop.

    Eventually some women get it and stop doing those lame woman games.

    • I agree. The more and more this happens, I find myself more and more intolerant of it. I can't read minds either although I can tell when something is wrong or if a girl is lying to me. But, I mean I'm completely willing to listen to them and talk about it and understand, but I can't do that through games and hidden meanings.

    • exactly! just tell us lol!