Am I being unreasonable about his ex gf?

So I have a new boyfriend. I'm really happy with him, and we are still in the honeymoon stage. The only thing that kind of bothers me is that he and his ex girlfriend are basically best friends. They were friends first for a really long time. Then they dated, broke up, and remained friends. She now has a different boyfriend, and he has been with me. They broke up a while ago. However, they still hang out and she makes him dinner and stuff. He said their relationship was brief and they are just better as friends.

I have been on every possible side of this situation before, and hands down, it has always gotten complicated.

I really don't mind if he hangs with girls, because I have lots of guy friends. However, I never dated them, and the ones I did date, I only see out in groups of people, never one on one.

I just feel super uncomfortable. Our relationship is fairly new and I don't want to start a fight, or try to break up his friendships. I don't know what to do.

I guess my main concern is that SHE ended the relationship. If she didn't, they could possibly still be together. She cooks him dinner and they "hang out" but it almost seems like dates. And her boyfriend is studying abroad in Ireland.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You're in a tough position but you need to realize this...Your feeling is entirely based on your own insecurity. Your dude has done nothing wrong and neither has the ex. They are friends and you get into a slippery slope when you start passing judgement and trying to hand out rulings on a significant others' friends especially when they have done nothing wrong.

    If the girl was a bad influence, untrustworthy, made passes at your dude, or gave you any legitimate reason to feel threatened then you may have an argument to present to him but your fear is based solely in your own insecurity (which every person male or female deals with in relationships).

    I think you best bet is to try and be understanding, patient and accepting. Be happy that your dude has platonic female friends and can even be friends with a person after dating. It's better than the alternative in which he has no female friends and no female ex's because he has done something so bad they want nothing to do with him...

    I know it's hard but you should try and be accepting and understanding of the situation. Most people do not react well when you start trying to control who is in their life particularly when the person in question has done nothing wrong

    • i would never tell him to not hang out with her. I am not controlling like that. but the fact is, she dumped him. not the other way around. and then she went and got a new boyfriend. he didn't really have much say. however, they hang all the time and they do cutesy stuff together. Idk, I am just worried he still has feelings

    • I think just try to be strong and understanding. It's natural to be insecure about it but just trust him. Try to befriend the ex girlfriend and maybe you'll understand their relationship a little bit better and probably feel less threatened... it's fair and understandable to be a bit insecure about it but just rise above it and trust your dude and the relationship the two of you have

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What Guys Said 6

  • Yes, you are being unreasonable. If she has a Boyfriend and he's with you and he doesn't want to be with her as more than friends, then it's a non-issue. If you make a big deal out of this you come off looking not cool. You have to remember that you are the "new" piece to this puzzle. Guys usually change out girlfriends but keeptheir friends. Unless you catch him doing something really inappropriate or have reason not to trust, then you have to mature a little bit.

    • what if she broke up with him? they could possibly still be together if she never dumped him. it wasn't a mutual breakup. that's what bothers me.

    • Yeah, but he has a new girlfriend (are you his actual girfriend, or are you guys just dating? that makes a big difference). He committed to a new girl I would doubt he'd just cast you aside that easily. You know him better than I do, so maybe you have a good reason for worrying. But unless she's Halle Berry or something I wouldn't stress it. You're good looking girl, I don't think you have to worry about that.

  • I had a ex as a friend and it was fine. If you get mad about with it makes you look bad. Plus if they are just friends and he is mot hiding it you really have nothing to worry about.

  • Your boyfriend should respect your feelings and understand that because she is an ex, it can cause unnessary friction, so he really should stop seeing his ex as much, and concentrate on keeping you happy, if he is failing to do this, then he's taking you for granted and doesn't have the respect for you that he should have, his attention should be all about you and he should never allow an ex cause these problems, so he really needs to make a bit more effort to wards you otherwise I would advise you to look for someone worthy of your talents,x

  • I want to be able to be friends with my ex. She's like a sister to me. She's family

    • I just don't see how it is possible for two people who used to love each other, have had sex, and have a history, to be 100% just friends afterward. I just don't get it. I wouldn't care if they never dated.

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    • No, I would never tell him to not hang out with her, I would feel so bad saying that. I just wonder if it is something worth telling him about. They do a lot of cutesy stuff that sounds like they are dating, but just not in a relationship. It's weird.

    • I totally get where you're coming from. Ultimately they may get back together. What can you do though?

  • Some people like hanging out with their exes. I've never understood why.

  • They knew each other long before you did.

    If they wanted to be together, they would be. You wouldn't even be in the picture.

    My advice? Let it go, and try to become friends with her too.

    • she dumped him though, and if she didn't, they could possibly still be together. that's what worries me.

    • I see, so you're thinking that maybe your boyfriend would rather be with her than with you.

      If you REALLY think that he's only with because he can't have her, why not leave? Wouldn't you rather be with someone who wants to be with you, instead of someone who's settling for you?

What Girls Said 2

  • I get where you're coming from, but don't worry about it so much. They both found other people after their brief relationship. If he says they're better off as friends, trust him on that. I wouldn't bring up having an issue with their relationship either, since it will probably just create problems. If you're friends with her and get to know her better, that might help. She's his best friend after all.

  • Leave it alone your being stupid and childish about it just enjoy. Your relationship and stop acting like a little kid about it obviously they broke up for a reason if there was anything between them other than friends then you wouldn't be his girlfriend duh and as for the you being on ever side of it guys can be best friends with their ex and not have feelings for them in that way after dating just chill the only time you have to worry about it is if you see him doing anything with her or anyother girl simple as that

    • I definitely don't think I'm being stupid and childish about it...maybe a little insecure because guys have left me for their ex's that they claim to be just friends with. I've just never seen any couple be 100% just friends and that's all after the break up. I feel like there is always a bit of lingering feelings, especially since she ended things with him. I just hope he doesn't want her still.

    • Show All
    • it the breakup was mutual, I would be a lot less concerned. I just know that she dumped him and started dating someone else. he was forced to move on but still wants to be around her all the time. and now her boyfriend just left for ireland and she is coming around him way more frequently.

    • Do you trust him is the only question that really matters

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