Why do people still crave people who have dumped them?

If you've been completely rejected by someone, as in they have broken up with you and told you that they didn't want to be with you, why would you still chase that person?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah, I have seen people stringing themselves along even though they got badly rejected. There are a few possible reasons such as:

    1) They think the other person is playing hard to get/ playing games - Mind games are too popular to the extent that people think it's normal to use. I have a girlfriend who once told me "He is just playing hard to get". That was after being told by the guy she's interested in "I don't want to see you again. Don't talk to me ever". He isn't the kind of guy to use mind games in my opinion, but she wanted to convince herself that it's that to keep her hopes up.

    2) Low self-esteem - Some people think they won't be able to find another partner, so they tend to hold too hard on their current one even if the relationship is falling apart. I heard of a woman who gets constantly hit by her husband, but think she doesn't deserve any better. That's low self-esteem in my opinion.

    3) They can't take "No" for an answer - There exist some people who don't accept to be left/dumped. They have an inflated ego that's actually very fragile. It's not about feeling miserable after the breakup because they're so much in love rather than being hurt because they weren't the dumper. So, they tend to chase the other person till they fall into their trap and then suddenly they dump that person to prove their point.

    4) Obsessive behavior - Some people are obsessed. They tend to have their lives revolving around another person, so they can't really accept to lose him/her. They would go far as threatening with suicide or seeking revenge just to have them back.

    5) They want what they want - Regardless of what the other person wants, they only cater to their own needs which means that they will chase after that person because they still want them. And no, they don't think it's wrong or creepy. They want what they want and are going to fight for it whether you like it or not.

    Hope this answers your question. :)


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What Girls Said 7

  • Lol, I think the comment would have been too long so I'm typing it here. XD

    Point is, when someone you love "falls out" of love with you then it's not something that usually happens over night.

    They probably had time to deal/accept it and then find a way to tell you. You may not even have a clue that they are feeling this way especially when they act as if everything is fine. Either that is the case or they found someone new who makes them feel like maybe you once did but it's more exciting with the new guy/girl.

    I find that a lot of people are not up to making a commitment with one person or they get into a routine and they want something new and exciting and begin to distance themselves from their partners and latch onto someone new. Sometimes that someone new may not have been all that great and perhaps they realize what they use to have.

    A lot of factors come into play when it comes to love. It can make you do odd things. Perhaps things you normally wouldn't do or feel.

    Just because someone says that they don't love you anymore doesn't mean that your mind accepts it and is like w.e. and move on. If you had a history with that person and been there through good and hard times then it will be a shock and it won't be an instant let's find someone new/party mode. Healing of the heart takes time not shutting down. Some people don't deal/acknowledge their emotions.

    I guess you'd have to be in love with someone and even if you were the one to leave - at that point in time when you did love them and they said that they didn't love you anymore, wouldn't that hurt? Some people fight to keep their partners to show them they care and want to make it work. Totally depends on the situation and how you feel about one another. I never really believe that when you do fall in love the love is equal. Someone always loves one person more than the other.

    Hope it helps.

  • I think sometimes the shock of the break-up makes them want to try to get that person back. Maybe they are in disbelief that the person didn't want to be with them anymore. It's like with any grieving process, sometimes we just have to go through all the stages. Some people move quickly, while others get stuck.

    Maybe they think that saying something will make the other person change their mind? Who knows, but I think some people just want their ex back so bad. It's hard to give up the fantasy that you built inside your head after a break-up. Not only has the relationship died, but the fantasy died as well.

    That can be a really hard truth to have to grasp.

  • I like what knowmeyourself had stated. I believe the points made: that the other is playing hard to get, low self-esteem, not being able to take no for an answer, obsessive behavior, and wanting what they want are some valid reasons as to why many people want to stay or keep someone who has dumped them.

    Along with the above made statements, I believe that sometimes people can want to stay or make someone else stay because they have invested too many years in said relationship. And, perhaps (as with a lot of other things), being dumped can be a learning experience that many may not consider to be so. For example, if the bulk of the problems were coming from my part, shouldn't I ask myself some hard and even, yes, painful questions? Was I too obsessive? Did I ignore issues instead of dealing with them? Whereas, if I were to have dealt with these issues, I probably could have hopefully evaluated the situation in a more mature way, feelings aside. It could be that after the self-evaluating process, observing what the other person needs / feels / desires, we could say, "Maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore."

    When it comes to relationships, they teach us a lot about ourselves. The good, the bad and the ugly present themselves to actually teach us how to better control ourselves, to grow emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and socially. Being single (although I'm not myself, lol) is not a bad thing. If you can be happily single, chances are, you are not going to be emotionally 'needy.'

  • Just because someone leaves you doesn't mean that your feelings automatically shut down. It hurts, especially if you still loved them or wanted to spend your life with them.

    • I mean, but that person rejected you to your face. And told you that they did not want you. Idk, maybe I've never been head over heels in love like that. But I don't get it.

    • Hurt is the right word, I got hurt but ididnt follwed her or anything of that sort, when she did not even cared a bit for my feelings, I am not a fool to still love her.

  • maybe they crave the attention

  • Ego.

  • You know the saying you never know what you got until it's gone. Or the phrase the grass always looks greener from the other side. Well women realize the importance of a good man after a break up with them mind you I said a good man not a perfect man, but a good one. Love now a days is hard to find and a woman just wants a man she can trust and rely on. Even though the ex she broke up with may not be the best she realizes he was a good man and maybe there's a chance for her and the ex to rekindle a love that they once shared. It's not that she's desperate it's just she's sees what she didn't see in the relationship and sometimes it's better to look at someone from outside the box so to speak. There is another phrase that absence makes the heart grow fonder which is so true. Time away from the one you love only makes the love stronger and makes the reality of not having that special someone in your life worth trying to fix and mend.

    • Thanks. I suppose the reason behind the break-up would play a big role.

    • no prob :D and yeah

What Guys Said 1

  • Just wanted to add something...when the person develop affection...the brain produce a chemical compound called "Dopamine"...which makes'em sing like birds and sometimes bark like dogs lol to express how happy they are :D

    anyway, such substance is very very addictive...some even classified it as addictive as coke!

    therefor when the subject get dumped by the person which his\her presence used to incite the subject brain to produce the previously said substance...the subject suffers from the withdrawal effects...exactly like a drug user, with a big def which is, the brain usually knows how to ease the withdrawal since it was the one who produced the doses every time...more self control I mean.