I'm a little upset with my friend but is it for a wrong reason?

About a month ago my friend was sad because she said her boyfriend was abusive (verbally, he would pick fights and call her names) and mean and she wanted to break up with him, but she had nowhere to go. I told her she could move in with me and my parents so she could break up with him and stay away from him. Originally she was going to move in like 2 weeks or so ago but ended up staying until the end of this month and is now moving in; however, she is staying with her bf.

I felt annoyed that she wasn't breaking up with him, and I didn't understand why because I should be happy that she thinks things might work, but then I realized that the whole purpose of why I offered my home to her isn't happening. I'm irritated because I feel like she's basically trying to free-load off me, she isn't going to break up with her boyfriend she just needed a place to stay since it was getting too expensive for her and her boyfriend to live together. She has said down the road her and her boyfriend might move back in together.

I'm going to talk to my parents about it, and they'll probably put a month or 2 restriction on her staying her, originally we hadn't talked about a deadline. Am I over-reacting to this? In my mind I feel justified, but since her and I all have mutual friends, I don't feel like I can talk to anyone else right now.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're probably just too frustrated. You want to see her do better and even tried doing her a tremendous favor by letting her move in, but she refuses to do better for herself.

    If I were you, I'd tell her this: If you don't break up with him, then there's no point in you staying here with me. Maybe she doesn't understand how her actions are effecting you. You should tell her face-to-face.

    Don't worry about mutual friends, if they're friends that are worth having, they'll mind their own business, or at least agree with you, because you are right.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Yes, you are justified in your reasoning. It may be too late to say what I have in mind without bringing an end to your friendship with her. But I would say; Okay, I'm glad you two worked things out. If things don't turn out as you hope, I'll offer you the same support if needed.

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  • I'd be pissed too.

    You can't k ow how a relationship is going to play out. Ae probably didn't do it intentionally.

    I don't see ow living together becomes too expensive, I feel like that makes things cheaper. Slit ret and food, everybody saves

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  • You're reading too much into things.

    She's not able to break up with her boyfriend because he might be threatening or blackmailing her.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think you're overreacting, you tried to do her a favor and she has turned it around and is abusing that kindness.

    I think some sort of a deadline sounds like a good idea... maybe even ask her to pay a small bit of rent if you feel like it. It wouldn't be right to suddenly just tell her no and to find somewhere else to stay, but at the same time I feel like she deserves a lot less sympathy now knowing the truth. (Or at least, from the way you worded your story, it sounds as though she lied to you about her relationship in order to evoke some sort of sympathy, when in reality it was just money problems. Is her boyfriend actually verbally abusive?)

    Either way, she's your friend, so just do what you think is best, but also don't be afraid to stand up to her if it seems like she is expecting too much from you and your family.

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  • You told her to move in to get away from him. So she has no reason to be at your house if she doesn't break up with him. I'd be pissed.

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