Abuse Of Trust, Miscarriage Of Justice?

Quite often I have read stories regarding men or women who either cheat or have been cheated on by their partner. In many instances it was with a close friend or associate. Sometimes it spells the end of the relationship. Other times the offender is forgiven.

The decision to cheat in some cases is mutual (both parties know it's an affair) To forgive is subjective but I am curious to why in some of these situations only the partner is forgiven but the person they cheated with is not? Since both parties are participants, shouldn't they both be equally at fault?

Updates:
As I close this question, I would like to say that of course, there's no right or wrong answer, but it is something that kind of makes you think.


I feel that if the cheater with the significant other is a close family friend or acquaintance, then I would be inclined to forgive both in time. Would my significant other still be my significant other? Definitely not. Will the acquaintance still be an acquaintance? Again, definitely not, but for closure, I would still forgive them.
I would sever all possible ties with the significant other and all ties with the associate, not because of anger or being non forgiving, but because of the lack of trust they created by their actions. I can't forget the incident because I will always remember aspects of what happened as identifiers in effort to try and prevent myself from going through something like that again.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • They are both equally at fault but the cheated on is closer to the cheater than the cheated with in the vast majority of these situations. That makes the cheater the primary offender.

    There are two ways this can go:

    1) The person the cheater cheated with was a stranger or acquaintance to their partner. In this scenario, the stranger or acquaintance probably didn't care much about the cheater's current partner. They just wanted to be with the cheater due to their own feelings toward that person.

    2) The person the cheater cheated with was a friend, relative, associate, or otherwise close to the person who was cheated on. In this scenario, not only did they act out of love for the cheater, they also knowingly acted out of malice to the original partner. They probably would say to themselves that they don't want to cause harm to the person that's being cheated on, but their actions call bullsh*t.

    So it really depends on how the cheated on feels betrayed by both people in the cheating couple, but the person who was cheated on is more likely to feel more betrayed by their partner than their partner's slut.

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What Girls Said 3

  • no reason to, she didn't mean anything to me in the first place so why would I reach out and forgive someone who I don't even care about? I would just forget her the best I could and not hold a grudge but only because that is part of truly forgiving my partner, so we can move on, nothing to do with her situation or who she is. F her, she's history..lol

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  • It's not that they're forgiven. It's just that we love the person too much to let go of them just yet. Or ever.

    In most cases, those of us who get cheated on don't really love the person who our significant other cheated with, so naturally we wouldn't forgive them. Or want anything to do with them. They destroyed our confidence and happiness, right? Even if we do rebuild it, why not harbor a tad bit of resentment inside? It's only human.

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  • I don't think there's as much incentive to forgive the person who your partner cheated with (in most cases). As twice-shy mentioned, love and attachment could be the main factors here.

    Also, assuming you're closer to your partner than you are to the person they cheated with, you know more about your partner's situation and it can sometimes be easier to sympathize with them. You can say well, my wife has depression, I neglected her a lot, etc. but the other guy? I don't know much about him, so I'll just assume he's an absolute douche bag!

    That's what happened with my parents, by the way :P

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    • Sorry to hear about your parents. It's sad when this situation happens period, but when it effects your family or someone you love, it tends to hurt more than if it would had it happened to an acquaintance or just someone you know.

What Guys Said 2

  • I guess it depends on one's conviction as for forgiveness. In some cases it is a Biblical conviction that all is to be forgiven. But if the Bible is not a factor of ones convictions, then the only one that is likely to be forgiven is the one that is loved by the faithful partner. This as you see is because of love that developed over the course of the relationship. The other participant who most likely is not loved and even seen as a threat to this love, is not normally under consideration for this type of forgiveness.

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  • Since cheating is an intense assault of someone's trust, forgiving someone is based on how the cheating was executed. Some people completely forgive the person that their partner cheated with, which only occur if their partner's lover is clearly innocent and didn't know that the person was in a commitment to begin with, but if it's the opposite, then it's reasonably to not forgive the person that their partner cheated with.

    Most people won't forgive the person that their partner cheated with, because that individual insistently went out of his/her way to go out with a person, that they know, is in a relationship.

    Not only does that display an abuse of trust, it also shows a major disrespect towards the couple, and an individual with common sense can't really title that individual as a friend, if she or he did something like that.

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