Loosing the connection/spark in your relationship?

I feel awful/shallow as a person but lately I have subconsciously been disconnecting myself from my current partner.

We have been together for over one year and it has been a pretty rough ride. He is also my first real boyfriend. I'm one year older, graduated, and as an artist I have the need to volunteer, work on a few commissions, and take a night class as I look for a more serious job. He is still finishing his 3rd college year, is unemployed. We both live with our families, and live in the same city about 1hr 30 min apart via transit. We are bother our early 20's.

I admit that things are much better in comparison from the beginning, however lately I'm not nearly as happy with him as I used to, instead, I feel tired, annoyed and depressed for the most part. I find it also unfair to him too not to mention it probably takes a lot of energy from him. I try not to let it show and just go with the flow when we hang-out, since I rarely make complains, but I'm sure it's starting to show.

In the time we have been together he has only come over to my place once, doesn't have much interest in meeting and/or spending time with my family or my friends, I'm usually the one paying for food/stuff in general and sometimes I pay it full (though he uses his money to buy video games and such), when I come over to his place all we usually do is me watching him play his games, help him with work, watch videos together (this I like very much, but I wish I could have more of a say as to what we watch), or have sex which is good, except that normally consists of me giving him bjs for a really long time, then we have a small time doing sex (if any), back to me giving him a bj and that's it, I hardly get any pleasure from it... He used to be a bit more attentive before both on the sex life and during our dates though, so I'm kind of missing that.

Before I didn't pay attention to that, I found it normal as I know I have my flaws too (which he has pointed-out countless times)... I'm more of an introvert and I show appreciation and affection through actions, and I'm normally pretty calm and quiet as a person which is why I can understand why some people may see me as a bit boring. With him, I usually listen and follow, it is bait difficult for me to express my thoughts verbally when we are together. I don't know I feel like I can't be as interesting or funny as he is. We argued about it in the past, were he kept on criticizing me to the point were I asked him why was he still with me (this happened twice)? He never answered so I don't even know what he sees in me except for the fact that we have similar interests. So maybe my personality is also at fault here?

Am I being too critical and selfish? Or is this somewhat reasonable? I really like this guy, he means a lot to me. The least I want is to keep distancing myself from him, but at the same time I'm feeling a bit unappreciated neglected.

Sorry for the rant guys

Thank you for the help


Most Helpful Guy

  • No your not being unreasonable, you shouldent ever be picky ,about how someone treats you, that's a very important aspect of a relationship, to aknowledge how your mate treats, you and communicate, about it and if they are being insensitive, about it then that's a big red flag, sounds to me like he doesn't care about your needs, feelings change you could wake up and not really like him anymore.

    • Thank you very much! So should I bring it up the next time I meet him? I notice there are a lot of things that are bothering me, but I don't want to drown him in a rant by saying all of that in one go...or better said, I'm not sure if I should?

      I would like for us to talk calmly and, if possible, come-up with a solution even if that solution is just to break-up. What I do not want is to start the conversation and or to transform the conversation into an argument and then end in a bad note.

    • Show All
    • Thank you very much! I will try that and see how it goes.

    • Your welcome and no matter what happens try and stay happy.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Sorry, but this sounds like a one way road!

    I mean, it should have been a "ted for tad" relationship...give an take...BOTH must discuss how to improve it...if it's not way? then it's the high way.


What Girls Said 1

  • I feel like you're telling my story, I'm still giving my guy the benefit of a doubt,will see what happens