Can I trust her if she cheated on me?

A little back ground is that we've been dating for a month and 1/2. She's used to drug dealers/ guys who cheat on her. And she used to do a lot of drugs but not anymore.

Her and her friends tell me that I'm the best guy she's ever met and that I'm the type of guy that she needed etc...

Anyways we had some disagreements a couple times with her saying the relationship was getting clingy. I did this dumb thing where I got butt hurt a few times when she wouldn't have sex with me. She told me and I told her I realized and I'd put a stop to it.

We had plans to go to her friends house for a small kick back but she told me she just wanted a night away to chill with her friends for some space. I said no problem and went and did my own thing.

She hit me up at like 2:30AM asking me to come over to her friends house, she was wasted and was on ecstasy. I was too drunk to drive and told Her I couldn't and just said to enjoy her self.

Next couple days she got super clingy and overly needy and the sex was constant. I figured she felt guilty about something and asked her if she cheated. She said no at first but then about 10 minutes later admitted to cheating. It was with some high school kid who she knew through her friends little brother.

She told me they just made out and he went down on her and then she passed out. Said that she told him she had a boyfriend and that we were happy but he went for it anyways. I believe this because I've seen her wasted before. I was about to get up and leave and she begged me to stay etc... Saying she would do what ever it takes for us to move past it together and if I needed time she would wait, and also said If I couldn't forgive her she would understand that too.

She told me things were so good with me that there was no end in sight like all her other abusive BF's. So she freaked out and just said when he went for it she just let it happen but then felt huge amounts of regret.

My question is I love this girl dearly and I've never met a girl I share more in common with than this one. Yes our relationship had a problem but we both opened up and were super honest after the cheating and I feel like were actually stronger than before. Is that possible? Or should I just let her go and find someone who won't cheat on me in the first place.
Updates:
Just wanted to add. The reason why this has bugged me so much is. Something as intimate as having someone make out with her, take her pants off, and go down on her. That's a process. We talked about that and I told her on some level she must have wanted it. She just said it was some form of self destruct mechanism that she had built with her past abusive BF's.

The other thing is she's graduated from college and this kid was only 18. So I know there is no emotional baggage here.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If she's done it once she's likely to do it again. Whose to say when she goes out she's not with another guy? It's not as if you would keep track of everything she does. Think about it - when you look at her do you still have some feelings for her or are they replaced by disgust for what she did? Ask yourself what she would have done if you went and cheated on her?

    Bottom line is once you do something it cannot be erased. She may be guilty now but if you forgive her now she's most likely to do it again because she knows you would accept her no matter what.

    The choice is yours to make.

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    • I don't see her with disgust. I'm still working on fully trusting her. But in order for us to even move on I have to forgive her. But at the moment I'm worried she doesn't feel the same about me or is staying with me for the wrong reasons. I want to talk to her about that but I wanted to give it a few weeks before bringing anything serious up.

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    • Since it will take its toll - believe me when I say there will come a point this situation would be constantly on your mind and what happens then? You could be out of work for not focusing on it. Don't just look at the short term affects but the long term too. Even if you do decide to go into another relationship I can tell you would be reserved since you trusted someone deeply and they broke it in the worst way possible. Besides like another user said about respect that is important too.

    • As the longer you stay with her the longer you're going to fall in your own self-esteem. Even right your questioning things because of the blow she's given to it. You've lost confidence and the ability to trust her. To sum it up what I'm saying is the longer you stay with her the longer you're going to get hurt

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What Girls Said 5

  • She cheated on you and does drugs. 2 major red flags. You'd be best leaving, my friend.

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    • However, the influence of drugs/alcohol makes it difficult, if not impossible, to say no. So many girls get raped that way because they cannot give proper consent. She could have wanted it and stopped it, or it could have been rape, because she said she had a boyfriend and he did it anyway, so...

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    • I'm just not sure what to do. I gave her the chance to take her time and think about things after we had a huge fight and broke up/ decided a break was good. She said she was breaking up with me then retracted that and said she needed time, I agreed. 4 days later she started texting me telling me how much she missed me etc... And I'm not expecting her nor I to never drink and party.

    • Hmmm, I have broken "breaks" like that because I was confused and lonely. She may like you as a person but not have the necessary feelings/motivation to have a proper relationship with you, but that's just speculation. There are so many girls out there who are straightedge or use alcohol in moderation, no drugs, and can stay faithful with no problems. You really can do better...

  • No once they cheat; they'll always cheat. Cheaters never change even if they want too..

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  • Once a cheater, always a cheater... As simple as that... Find someone who respects you and wouldn't ever let that happen... Sheay have stopped it from going "all the way" this time, but what happens the next time she gets super wasted? She isn't the only girl out there who you could love, find someone who is devoted only to you and no other man no matter the circumstances... Good luck!

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  • you must respect yourself very much... I think you should at least take time apart.

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  • Just because someone cheated doesn't mean they will cheat again. The only thing is she doesn't really seem like a quality girlfriend. But if you love her and you two are willing to work on never letting this happen again then go for it. However for the future, you need to let her know your boundaries and if she even thinks about doing something like this again, you will leave her.

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    • "Just because someone cheated doesn't mean they will cheat again"

      but most likely they will

What Guys Said 8

  • As you said the whole thing that happened is a process so there were moments that she could have stopped it. Why she didn't is a different question and can have numerous different explanations some of witch can be attributed to self destructive behavior etc.

    But the bottom line is you have to figure out weather you're willing to deal this and realizing that it could happen again and that even though you might be wasting your time in the long run.

    Taking all this into account trust comes from your side it's actually not her job or duty to make you trust her but it you yourself that has to figure out weather you're willing to trust her and how much.

    I had a really long term relationship with a girlfriend that to my knowledge cheated on me at least once but she never came clean with it. But I was never intimidate by this and I never trust in her. Why? Simple because I know that if someone is with me or I'm with them it's because I or they chose to be and there's nothing that I can do or anyone else if they decide to cheat or leave. So why warier about it. What I tried to do was to figure out if I was happy with this person and if in fact she had good intentions towards me and then decide if I was willing to stay with her. I did for a few years and don't regret it.

    Best of luck to you with your relationship and your gf's drug problem.

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  • Speaking as one who has cheated before, it is unlikely she will cheat again. Not intentionally anyway. I do NOT consider being under the influence of drugs and alcohol as something that will not impair your judgement.

    Of course, the abuse of these substances are two major flaws in any relationship. I suggest you try talk things out. If you love her and she loves you, you may have to learn to deal with it. Otherwise, If you are unhappy with her altogether, it is best to end it.

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  • She should know better than to cheat on you, especially after being cheated on by guys before and knowing how much it sucks. This girl is definitely not a keeper.

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    • Yeah that's one of the things she told me. She said she had never been on that side of cheating before and didn't realize how awful it was. She just kept saying she wanted to die and she hated her self after it happened.

  • If you lie down with dogs, you'll get fleas. She may have fleas.

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  • After cheating it is never good to back even though you love her. Be smart. Play smart. just stay with her for lust other than that it's not worth it.

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  • I'm sorry, I read the first sentence and that was enough.

    If you're knowingly going out with a girl who's a former drug user and "used to drug dealers" you're asking for her to give you hell.

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  • You must set boundaries and stand by them. Once those boundaries are crossed, you must retain your word and self respect by enforcing the consequences. In not doing so, you are conveying to her that you bark has little bite, which may ultimately cause her to lose respect for you and cheat again.

    I personally would trust her as far as I can see her.

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  • Bro... you can't trust women at all under any circumstances anless its that she will cheat trust her on that women are whores have yet to meet or hear of a woman who wasn't a whore or secrect had some whore fantasy or f***ed up 1.

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    • I guess, my Girlfriend before this though was emotionally cheating on me for weeks before the physical cheating. That's the only difference in this situation. I dumped my last for that. I know this is wrong but I checked her phone after she told me that and she wasn't going to tell me first off. Then I just asked her because I was a little suspicious. And she was texting her friends after I asked her about it. They told her not too, but she told me anyways.

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    • "I'm sorry to say but your all really whores inside or out"

      Wow, how dare you call me a whore when I don't do that stuff to a boyfriend. Just a percentage of girls do that. And guess what! Men cheat about just as much, if not more! Am I going around saying all men are cheating whores? NO.

      Good luck building meaningful relationships when you are so blinded by hate and prejudice. Perhaps you can get chemically castrated and save yourself and a poor, innocent future lady from your misery.

    • I don't plan on getting married or having children so. And yes men are whores to were all just whores no matter anyone says its inevitable that you or your boyfriend will cheat some day.

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