How long does it take you to deal with a break-up?

This guy and I loved each other but we broke up for a stupid reason. At first I was in shock, then mad, then sad a tiny bit but I honestly got over it in a few days. I don't know how though, because if I loved him why do I not feel bad? We had our lives planned out and while almost everything I do reminds me of him I don't feel bad or upset anymore. All the other times we would break up I'd be so upset and fix things but now I don't care anymore. I don't understand why I'm not upset. Has this ever happened to you?
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  • A week
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends on the relationship. I dated a girl for only 6 months but we really loved each other. Took me a good year before I was "over it", however you never truly get over break ups. They of course have life lasting effects on you.

    You obviously can't forget about the person entirely or the memories you had, bad or good. Every relationship become a part of you and influences your opinions about future dates of both what you want and don't want.

    So this girl I dated and broke up with 3 years ago. Did I love her?...yeah. Do I think about her from time to time?...yeah. Do I get upset thinking about her though?...No. Do I still want to date her?...no.

    What ends up happening once you really get involved with dating as a teen, is dating becomes like a drug. When you break up, you experience the withdrawals. You no longer have someone to have sex with, to cuddle with, to talk to, to be your emotional support, etc. What you truly long for is another fix of the love drug. What you truly long for after you've gotten over the initial stage of grief isn't that person back, but a relationship that is as good if not better than what you had.

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What Guys Said 6

  • It totally depends. How long you were together, how deeply in love you were, how you as an individual process emotions, the events around the break-up, your environment, etc etc. There are really a lot of factors that can go into it.

    I've heard it takes you as long to get over someone as the length of time you were with them. It sounds like a nice basis for the process but still can't be definitive answer

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  • B. because of the salve - knowing that it would have been MUCH worse down the line

    E. applies to marriage w/children ... does one every get over that?

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  • A little over a year. I takes me forever to fall in love, but when I do, I fall pretty hard.

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  • It depends on how long the relationship was and how much I love the girl. Hell, I'd argue I'm never ever FULLY over those I'm with, but I definitely do move on so ya...

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  • Depends on how long it lasted, how intense it was and how long it lasted.

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    • About a month... but it was extremely intense. The relationship was as if we knew each other all our lives.

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    • A month? lol, man kids. Try 5 years before you get all worked up over only a month. A month is hardly a long time and even if it's "intense" it's not due to real love necessarily, but due to hormones and such. It's easy for the young (and, hell, even the older) to confuse the two. Took awhile to distinguish em myself.

    • I don't know I you believe in love at first sight... I didn but I thought that's what happened with us. Love is defined as a genuine concern for ones overall well being and we both had that along with the romance love of relationships. We moved really fast and I felt like we had been dating years not months. I was crying and breaking down when we broke up but then I was fine. I think it's just how I'm coping by ignoring the problem and not grieving but I'm not sure.

  • try 5 years. weh weh weh.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I see you're still young, so don't sweat it. You are developing and growing and perhaps you still have some awesome child-like resllence most of us oldies have lost... Or perhaps he just doesn't matter to you anymore and you have processed your feelings without needing to grieve. That is possible...

    Dearest, if you need stats, these are them: *most* adults who have been in LTR's (those that have lasted over 2 years) take over 2 years to fully "recover" from the break-up. But know this-- It's not the time in the relationship that makes it *more* hard to deal with. Sometimes just being with someone for a month can need over 2 years to process... it's all about YOUR feelings about the relationship, about that person, about the future you had planned together, and grief also relates to YOUR life-space at the time of break-up. Are you supported? Are you stressed? Are there others involved?

    Sometimes we don't "feel" all the depths of a break-up until later, when our mind has found a space to grieve. Other times, it simply never happens. Perhaps losing the person from your life really didn't cause you much pain. Maybe you only needed a little time to grieve. Be happy in that. We all grieve in different ways over different things in different time. It is normal. You may find in a few years you are reminded of him and shed a tear - and that is beautiful and okay too...

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  • Honestly it would take me FOREVER to get over a break up under one condition: I actually LOVED them or saw major potential with them.. It would totally break my heart.. if I thought they were the "one" and it didn't work out between me and them..

    I actually fell for this guy really hard, and we weren't even a couple! I just thought he was like my knight in shining armor.. or the cute guy I've always dreamed about lol so when it ended up me being ditched and ignored.. I let that tear me down for a couple of years lol

    I know crazy right? But anyways... Things in life have helped me get over it and overcome it..

    I think that it depends honestly... Some people you date.. won't even care if they know you tomorrow while others would be torn if you left them under short notice or any notice.. so it really depends on how much a person cares about who they're with and if that person was who they thought was the love of their life or could potentially be the love of their life lol

    That's why stay happy! Keep your own independcy fill your life with happiness, friends, hobbies that way if a break up happens you have some support

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    • Honestly we had our lives planned out together. We wanted the whole nine yards. But we were always fighting and I was always the one trying to fix things... I think I did love him but was just tired of always fighting and solving problems while he would act very flippant when it came to making up. And I got tired of fighting with and for him when he wasn't making much of an effort to do the same. But now I feel guilty like I should still be wallowing in misery or something.

    • You should DEFINITELY not be wallowing in misery! I think you just got tired of him you know not treating you right. If a person really loves you, they should at least try to be on board with fixing the relationship! My sister got out of a 1/2 year to a year long relationship with a guy she loved.. But she started getting colder towards him because he treated her like CRAP! Finally after all the pain she let him go and now she's a lot happier plus she's found somebody new :) so cheer up!

    • He treated me amazingly when things were good but when they were bad... It was REALLY bad. I know it probably sounds like a immature little fling but it wasn't... And by how much I loved him I thought is really be hurting but I'm not. And I can't decide if I never really loved him even though that doesn't make sense to me or if I'm just coping by trying to ignore what happened and not grieve.

  • You don't put a time on that. It all depends on how deep your feelings were for each other. When I get over a break up fast and I had quite some feelings for him, I usually get my break down a couple of days or weeks later. I don't think it even depends on how long you've been together.

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  • Well... for me I'll get over it (or think that I have) very quickly. I'll move on, be really happy with my life, and feel okay. then suddenly, like a ton of bricks, everything will hit me again in a week or so and I start missing him like crazy. Then begins the real long, gruesome recovery process that usually takes a few months at least.

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  • In my experience, I THINK I am over a breakup like a dozen times before I actually am. It's not until something happens and triggers the bad feelings again that I realize I'm not over it. Just because you don't feel like crying all day doesn't mean you're over it

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  • I think it all depends on how much you loved the person. You on the one hand obviously didn't really love him because otherwise you wouldn't be over him so quickly.

    But that's just my humble opinion:)

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  • It really all depends on whether or not that relationship really meant something to you... I was in a serious relationship with a guy from 7th grade to midway through Senior year of High School... It took me 6 months of being depressed & crying everyday.. It was horrible & I felt like no one else would satisfy or could take that place he held in my life. Anytime anyone said his name I would cry. Little things got me upset. Fortunately for me.. it was just 6 months tops of getting out all of my emotions over with from the break-up. When I wasn't looking, I met the guy I'm with now... & the love we have for each other is so much deeper than the guy I was with for so long who I thought I was so in love with. It's different I guess, depending on the type of relationship you were in!

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  • I've date 2 guys and have got over them in a couple of wks...they weren't anything special.

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  • Yes when I wasn't that attached to the kid. When I was in love, I still carry scars with me.

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  • Other. A couple months usually.

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  • I never been in that situation before ;)

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  • Well...it took me a massive ten days to get over my first boyfriend. That's when I met my current boyfriend. If my current boyfriend and I broke up I can honestly tell you I would not get over him. We've been together for a year and a half and have been a thing for six.

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  • Forever.

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