Moving on and being OK again....

I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. Long story, so bear with me.

We met online and clicked instantly. We talked all day, everyday for 6 months when he decided to fly over to meet me. We fell in love and decided to take the plunge and do long distance. It was going well until I found out ha had been cheating on me. I left him but the realized that in that moment, leaving him hurt worse than finding out he had another girl.

He promised it would never happen again, the girl was out of his life and we could move on and work on everything together.

I moved to be with him a year ago and in the beginning, things were great! Then slowly, the facade started falling apart.

He seemed to stop caring about our relationship and didn't pay attention to the simple things I need to become secure again. There was a huge issue with p*rnography, other girls and I will freely admit that a lot of the issues were blown out of proportion because of my jealousy but he was also doing things he shouldn't have been.

I was never a jealous person until he did what he did. I didn't like who I was becoming and I was tired of feeling like a second choice to him. So I broke up with him, thinking we could both do better.

I am currently still living with him, but only for the next 6 days, then I fly back to my hometown and try to move on.

I still love him, but I know leaving is really what is best for us.

What did you do to help you move on from someone you loved?

I have a lot of girls nights planned for when I return home, but how can a person deal with the lonely nights?
**Oops, meant for the this be in the break-up category, my bad.


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1st off make sure you cut all ties and he cannot contact you again. This will not be over if you don't. Then get work and new hobbies. Go out, smile a lot, have fun and keep busy. Learn from your mistakes and improve yourself. Best of luck and don't fall for his crap or his kind again.

    • You did have it in that category but gag placed it in sexuality because of a key word that you typed and it assumed it was a sexual question because of that key word.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Well hun the first thing you need to realize is you seriously we're not in love. It may have felt like that. Believe me I've thought the same thing with others.

    Right from the start the long distant "relationship" as you want to believe was real. Wasn't !

    For LOVE to even blossom you need to spend time together. To get to know that person. You fell in love with the idea of what he wanted you to believe. Then he sleeps with another? Not cool! Should have been enough.

    I can seduce any woman over the phone or text or messaging ect... But it takes being with me to really find out if I'm true to my word! Right?

    So you moved in with him to basically find out (after he promises he's a changed man).

    Pretty convincing of him I'd say, or possibly desperation on your part ?!

    Getting over him should become very easy once you realize you never deserve that! No excuses. You deserve someone who respects you. Think of this as a lesson learned. Get to know someone truly before thinking it's anything close to love!

    I know I know I don't understand lol. But I do !

    And nobody ever convinced me until I kept taking her back for eventually her to do this all over again. And more pain and trauma got to be too much. I was the last to know.

    This door closed for you for you to open a new one now.

    If you shut that past door for good the quicker a new one was available. For me I took time to heal and finally realize that wasn't love! And I deserved better. I wasn't looking for anything to ease my loneliness. I was wanting it but not necessarily looking when I crossed paths with a fantastic woman that I have complete compatibility and then the love true LOVE came into my heart.

    Go out as planned but just do life for you. And be more cautious of what's real and what you deserve.

    You will find what you seek if you take time to realize that dude you thought was nothing what you thought lol. Erase that moron out of your mind. And when you do that as soon as you can. You'll realize it's not worth the loss of emotions.

    So it's up to you how long you want to torture yourself.

    Stop and think ! Take a breath of sanity and receive your worth once again.

    And never sell yourself short girl ! There's a lucky guy waiting for you to show his worth to you.

    That path is closer than you think :),

  • You made the right decision of leaving him. You're just taken for granted and treated just like you're a stranger.

    There are a lot of things you can do to move on.

    Engage in new activities or hobbies. Find a new guy of interest. And, hang out more with your friends and family.

  • Short answer: focus on the pain he caused you and you'll have an easier time letting it go. At the risk of going a little geeky on you, in statistics, we know that samples of one are notoriously unreliable so don't judge all men by this guy. He clearly got in over his head and I feel like you did, too. Go back to your town, take as much time as you need to stop hurting, and then see what happens. Absolutely avoid dating until you are past this or you'll poison the new relationship. Good luck!

  • You'll have to man up - it's like going to the dentist, unpleasant but something you HAVE to do, 'coz there's no other way

    ..alright - maybe "man up" are not the best words exactly in your case but you know what I mean anyway

    Yes - there will be those lonely night, there will be chronic feeling of emptiness and the worst of it all is that it will never ever really go away

    Until you'll start seeing someone new

    Just like any addiction cannot be truly broken but replaced with a new one, so it also applies in this case, but unlike this example - thirst for affection (or sex only - for some cases) is something we all are 'addicted' to and there's no way around - the Mother Nature wants you to pass your genes and make a family, just like she wants you to eat, drink and to live in warmth


What Girls Said 2

  • I had a very similar situation. And in all honesty, I never did much. And it sucked. We were together almost three years too. And for the first like three months ivwas super depressed and I knew it was what was best but I still held on to it and hoped it would work. The two things I did to really help was pick a couple different friends who I just said I'm gonna hae a hard time eing alone can you be my talk buddy and whenever I feltlonelt or wanted to talk I texted or called them. And they knew so it was never being annoying. And then my mom! I spent a lot more time with her and just hanging out and talking and it made me feel less lonely. And then one day it just hit me and was like what am I doing? And I was just kinda over him. I was angry because he used me and I just realized I am so much better than that. And someone out there could treat me better. I mean I wish I could have understood that sooner but I don't think I ever could have. The haed stage had to come first. And since then, its been a couple months and I'm just surrounding myself with fun, finding other guys which reminds me he isn't the only one, and embeacing te smallerthings more. Wen I do stat to miss him and stuff I just think about how it was really not oka for me to be with him and there is better and he was a jerk for wha he did to me. And I am so much happier now. I miss the companionship most but I been trying to make more friends and stuff too. It sucks but embrace your family and friends and one day it will all kinda just be gone! Might feel lile foreer tho! And my biggest piee of advice if you haven't already...cut all contact, you wish you hadn't sometimes but it makes it so much easier!

  • It can be done we have all done it! It is just really hard! The days will be fine because you will stay busy! But the nights are very hard because you're alone and lonely and that when you start to hurt the most! But just try to surround yourself with your good friends and family! They will help you! There is no easy answer to this you just have to let yourself heal and there will be times when you think I should call him but don't it will just hurt more! You know in your heart that this is what is best! You just gotta put the pieces of your broken heart back together!


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