i met a girl about 8+ years ago when we were both in university in different cities. when the year finished I moved to be closer to her while she finished school after which time we packed our bags and headed north for her job where we bought a house and lived together for 3.5 years (with a small break up of 2 weeks in the middle of those years)... after that we moved again south where we both started out with great jobs and then she went back to school and I went into a different line of work which paid peanuts for the first 2 years until I had learnt what I needed too (tattoo). money brought with it a lot of stress and after those 2 years we had to live apart as I couldn't find work at my level in that city so I moved to further my career in hopes of moving back in together. it has now been a year and 3 months and we have seen each other about 7 times, the longest was at Xmas for a week. when we talk on the phone she often stresses me out as I do her. I on one hand think it is important to discuss living situations/scenarios, money, and of course our sex life which to her stresses her out. I have tried to bring up phone sex or ask what she is whereing just to kinda keep the flame lit so to speak but sometimes she even hangs up on me and when I call her back she says she doesn't want to talk about it. money too, we were both in debt up to our eye balls before I moved here and I have been diligently paying mine off and although she makes great money she has made little effort to pay hers off... needless to say I get frustrated as if we were able to move back together I want a house and with debt that makes things difficult. also when we see each other I almost have to coax her into sex and even though I have seen her 7 times this year we have had sex about 4. it sux... I try to talk about it but it makes her mad. what do I do? how do I handle this? and should I say **** it and move on?
- Stay and work it outVote A
- Move onVote B
Most Helpful Girl
I believe you should give up in a relationship when neither can satisfy each others' needs and is not making an effort to compensate. There is not only the lack of ability to satisfy each others' needs, but there is a lack of understanding and tolerance. There is a problem in the effectiveness of your communication as neither is willing to give up or be willing to do something for the other.
If you are able to solve these problems, then you should stay in this relationship. If both of you are not able to solve the problems in your relationship, then it is bound to deteriorate.
If you have hopes in fixing this relationship there are certain things you can do.
Tell her, I really love you and I wish we can work out our differences so we can both be satisfied in our relationship. I'd like us to do an exercise so we can both increase our understanding of each other. (Let's ask each other these questions)
Please tell me what is it that would make you happy in our relationship?
What can I do to make you happier?
Is there something that you want?
Is there something I do wrong that makes you angry? Please tell me so I can improve and make you feel better.
(whenever there is a subject you'd like to discuss like sex, bring it up the table in a less invasive manner) Example: sex, I really enjoy making love to you because I feel a connection when we are together, do you enjoy it as well? (if she says no) Why don't you enjoy it? Is there something wrong that I am doing? What can I do to make it better? (In every problem, try to understand her point of view and a consensus in which both can agree upon)
If regardless of all the efforts you put on to fix this relationship and it doesn't work, maybe it is time to let it go...0