Why does he flake so much? Is he just stringing me along? Am I a complete idiot?

So for about two years I've been involved in this on again off again emotional affair with an older man, one of my older brother's friends. We all used to work together and at the time he had a girlfriend (who he was together with just for their kid, and they had a pretty strained relationship) so I never made a move or anything along those lines, and never EVER said to him how I was crushing hard. But I guess I'd give him 'eyes' or whatever and he picked up on it and started reciprocating.

Anyway we started texting but because of his girlfriend he couldn't be outward with it so everything would be in riddles and whatnot. And we completely had to sneak around because we're part of a pretty close knit group of friends, and if anyone had found out we'd both be put through the ringer. Still, NOTHING every really happened, so I'm stressing this EMOTIONAL affair bit.

After like 8 months of this I realized I couldn't take it anymore and backed out. We could never hang out with just the two of us because someone else was always around that we had to keep the secret from. It was steamy and sexy but also frustrating. And not too long after I ended it he showed up to my Pop's funeral looking so incredibly dapper, and we sort of rekindled the texting. At this time though he and his girlfriend had officially split, but we still couldn't get together because of "problems with this dad's health and family drama."

Eventually I backed out again. He started dating the bartender where we used to meet up (who is straight up batsh*t crazy by the way). My sister and her boyfriend had a few people over, namely Him and his girlfriend, and his girlfriend was being weird all night and taking him outside to fight, and then he'd come back inside like crying and whatever. And the whole time I was at work receiving texts from him looking for comfort I guess.

Anyway I'm not sure but I think he and his girlfriend might still be together, but he's been texting me things like 'what does a egg say to boiling water? its gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by some chick' the night after we saw each other in passing. And a couple days later I was sending a picture to my friend of my new bangs and hit his name by accident, in return he sent me a (very handsome) picture of himself lying in bed, and asked for more from me. We shared a couple innocent photos, and later that day he was texting me again while at work. Jerked off to me apparently, like the classy guy he is.

And I foolishly asked him to hang in a couple days (Thursday) and he was down for it. Later I regretted it because he started doing his elusive sh*t again so I called it off, only to have him text me Thursday day and night to get me to come out.

When all was said and done and I had come all the way out, he ditched last minute, had some emergency with his dad and flaked, kept saying he was sorry a thousand.

He's always been notoriously flaky, even with his friends. Is it just a case of the boy-who-cried-wolf?

...Am I just torturing myself?

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What Girls Said 2

  • Stop making yourself available to this guy! You are just being used by him in this game he is playing.

    If you continue, you will only be in for more hurt and pain.

    You are definitely just torturing yourself. You are giving yourself a little bit of him every now and then, and then backing out. He keeps coming back because he knows you like him. I know it's hard, you probably like him a lot. But you deserve so much better than to be someone's take out.

    That's basically what you are, take out. He goes out with these girls, then when stuff gets shaky, he calls on you to come ease the pain and to help him sexually get off while he is in a bit of a relationship rut. Don't let yourself get used by this guy any longer.

    Know your value! You seem like a great person, someone who is capable of loving and pleasing a man. Find a good one who will appreciate your love and affection. Plus find a guy who you can actually date in the open. You should not be ashamed of your love or have to hide it.

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  • Yes. He's just having fun with you.

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