Are all guys so extremely concerned with a girl's past?

Today I was arguing with my ex, and he still condemns me for my past. In the past, before being with him, I was with a mutual friend and had some other casual flings, but none involved sex, I was a virgin.

Our relationship breakdown started because he asked me about my past, he was livid that I hadn't told him about the mutual friend beforehand, he said he couldn't trust me and that I was a slut. I cut the friendship with the other guy, but that wasn't enough. He kept calling me a slut.

Years have passed since, and he still thinks I should've disclosed my past before we started dating, because, in his words "I would've realized what a slut you were and wouldn't have dated you in the first place".

He didn't disclose his past, so there's a huge double standard there. But he says "it's different" because he had a girlfriend, so it was something serious, and all the other girls he was with, he knew well and they weren't so casual as my flings. He was not a virgin though.

Now I'm scared that all guys will be like this. Do they all expect a sexual history report in the beginning of a relationship? Do they all judge a woman a slut just because of such a thing, while expecting their past to be accepted? Are there guys who don't care?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I am. The mutual friend thing is a no go. The reason being is that for one, that friend was with your girlfriend (no one wants that) and two, whatever happened between them can happen again.

    Now, you say you were a virgin and nothing happened, so what do you mean "casual flings" because if you were say giving that guy oral, that's still sex (just something that girls that want to keep the title of "virgin" do) and it's still something no one wants a friend to have done with your girlfriend.

    Anyway, yeah, I care. I don't want a promiscuous girl. I don't want one that has had sex (any form) with random guys. That's not to say I require a virgin. If she had sex within relationships, that's fine, but even then, it still can't be a lot and it can't be from a serial monogamist. There's really no difference between then and a slutty chick when it boils down to it.

    • And why is it OK for men to be sluts themselves, then?

    • Show All
    • casual flings and hook ups involved sexual contact. I don't know many guys that would be up in arms about their girlfriends making out with guys before meeting unless it was with a whole lot of guys and girls. The thing with a mutual friend is completely understandable though.

      Just seems like there has to be more to it to me. If not, he's a little strange in my opinion.

    • I explained a thousand times. He must be a freak then, lol, hopefully a pretty hard to come by kind of freak.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • yep that's why it's so important to be a good girl. how can you expect to ever find a decent guy if you aren't a good girl yourself?

    • Then why can men be sluts and be OK? I don't think I was a bad girl. Pfft.

    • I'm not a slut therefore I have room to talk. I don't condone that men sleep around either.

  • No not all guys would be like this think you just got a bad one, if someone is inscure they might have a problem with it but to me someones past is exactly that the past and should be forgot about unless your a werido like me that would actualy get a kinky turn on out of her past lol but to call you a slut is just completly out of order hope the next guy you find treats you with a lot more respect x

  • Yes, if she had sex with over 3 guys then she will have sex with one more before we break it off


What Girls Said 3

  • Past matters a lot. I would be concerned with my partner's past too in a serious relationship. Past experiences can't be erased, they define us. Having a sexual past is not necessarily wrong. Being dishonest for your past when your partner asks about it, is wrong.

    He shouldn't have called you a slut. He had no right to call you that. He had past sexual experiences too, so it was extremely hypocritical of him to call you a slut. Perhaps he is insecure and he doesn't want to be compared to your previous partners. That doesn't justify his behavior though. I hope you're not still with him.

  • that guy sounds like a real jerk. I'm a girl and personally I don't care about someoes past as long as they aren't like that anymore - I'm sure a lot of guys feel that way too. if you didn't have sex then I wouldn't see you as a slut. that guy is overreacting and probably doesn't even deserve you

  • Please tell me you're not still with him. I would've broke it off and cut all contact with a guy so offensive.

    No, they don't all expect that. There are plenty of good guys who don't use double-standards and judge you based on your past.