End of a long term relationship and I'm confused!

I made a rash decision and broke up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years a month ago. It was a reaction to finding messages he sent to a girl, hitting on her. The reason I reacted so badly was that last year I had found him having online sex with more than one girl and lying to me about it. I decided to give him another chance but obviously things have never been the same since then. I felt like our relationship was dying slowly over the past year. The physical aspect disappeared, but he said it was because of his depression (he became extremely depressed right before the end of our relationship). I tried hard to stick by him, even though I didn't feel cared for like I used to, but something snapped inside me when I saw those messages. For the following three weeks I begged him to take me back and I did everything I could. At first he was livid with me and slowly started to pull away, then he changed and it seemed like we were going to get back together. But he changed again and after giving me the silent treatment eventually told me that he cannot get over me breaking up with him due to his depression. He has completely changed and I can't recognize him at all. I have not talked to him since but he would not even answer a text message about where to return his things, even though he told me he wanted to stay friends. I am so confused about how someone that was so sweet and loving to me for three years (regardless of the other issues) could change so suddenly and treat me like I am nothing. I am so confused and I feel like he never even loved me at all.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Best to go no contact and move on. Use "no contact" to heal yourself. Erase everything about him from your life (phone number, texts, pictures, etc). because it seems like the more you worry about him the more it's hurting you. Obviously it shows from his past that he isn't trust worthy. You tried to be there for him during his depression but thing changed and now he is ignoring you.

    You can only do so much my dear. The problem is him not you. He needs to figure himself out and the mistakes he made. If he can't do that then how can he be there for you when you need him. Yes no contact will hurt at first because of the time and effort you put into a relationship, but it will help you recover from pain faster. Let time do it's thing. Focus on you in the meantime. hangout with your girlfriends, get a new hair style, etc.

    You never know when someone else will walk into your life and treat you better. If someone else does make him realize what he missed out on.

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    • thanks :) its definitely hard but I needed that reassurance that moving on is what is best

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What Guys Said 3

  • Lying is a NO NO, so kiss the dude goodbye. The other question is: how did you find out about this? The messages and the internet sex? Did you check his phone/computer? THAT is also a NO NO. So basically, just to sum up: you don't trust him and he is lying. Why would you want to be in a situation like that? Just move on, and learn from the mistake.

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  • in time people change rather good or bad depends on the persons circumstance.

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  • Well you need to send him to a sex therapist...

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