Performance anxiety lead to cheating

If you have a cheating past, and you only have issues staying up when you are with someone you love. Says when he doesn't care about the person he never has a problem. Do you think the partner is more likely to cheat.

Any advice to prevent this?

He was the one who wanted to be in a monogamous relationship with me. He says I'm the love of his life but he has a problem when we are doing it, he can't stay hard. It become a very stressful experience. It happens about 8 out of 10 times. He had this happen with his ex. But when he was with a FWB or multiple partners in the past he never has this problem. I'm worried he will stray to get what he needs, since he gets to nervous when we are doing it


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What Guys Said 1

  • The best thing would be to maximize spending time with him. Do him some little things that will satisfy him. Give him a good massage, make out a lot, take him out to dates, compliment him a lot, and let him always know how he's dear to you.


What Girls Said 1

  • OH MY WORD! I had the same issue! Are you dating my ex?! ha ha j/k

    We were dating and a couple months into the relationship I found out he was cheating on me with his ex girlfriend. During that period he was having sex with both of us and had NO problem getting it up with either of us. (Granted we weren't sleeping together much at that time only because I was very busy with my work/class schedule so we didn't see each other much, hence why he had so much time for his ex)

    I forgave him, which admittedly was dumb. It took a long time to get the trust back and for me to feel comfortable enough to sleep with him again. I'm guessing maybe 2 months after this we tried to sleep together again. He couldn't get it up! It was HORRIBLE! He could never get it up and it made me feel HORRIBLE about myself. I felt like why could he get it up without issue when he was sleeping around but he wasn't able to get it up for just me. I started to have a lot of self esteem issues and still have issues surrounding sex as a result of this.

    So I would try all sorts of things and would dress up, EVERYTHING. He would be able to get it up but it would go limp quickly. So for the remainder of our relationship (4 more years!) sex was always extremely anxiety producing with him and I never got anything out of it because we would have to do it so quickly before 'it' went away.

    I never understood why he had a problem in a committed relationship but not with someone he wasn't serious with.

    I feel for you. It's not a fun situation to be in. Sorry I can't tell you how to make it better, but at least you know you aren't the only person who ever experienced it.

    And to answer the question about will that lead to him cheating in the future, Once a cheater always a cheater. We ended up breaking up because less than 4 months before our wedding I found out he was having an inappropriate relationship with that same ex girlfriend! And he blamed it on me saying that we weren't having sex enough. He never took responsibility for his inability to perform as the cause of our lack of sex! If you fear that he could cheat and he has cheated a lot in the past, I would cut your ties now. I realize it's hard but you want to be with someone that you can trust and that can satisfy you as well.

    Good luck!