Guys would you want to know? Would you be able to forgive?

Last weekend I had a huge fight with my boyfriend right before I went out. I stupidly got very very drunk. Me and my female friend ended up going back to the house of two guys we know. One of these guys I have previously given head to - a long time before I got together with my boyfriend - but I have hung out alone with him many times since and nothing has ever happened. He has occasionally tried it on but laughingly so I naively assumed he was joking and it was a one time thing for both of us.

This night I was drunk angry and upset and asked if I could go sleep it off in his bed. I have slept in his bed before drunk -which my boyfriend knows about - but again nothing happened and its just been a friend thing. This sounds stupid now but at the time it didn't feel weird.

Anyway at some point in the night he came in and woke me up getting into bed. He started trying it on with me. He tried to have sex and I said no and he kissed me which I stopped. I was fully clothed the whole time. He then got all weird and pissed off wirh me and when I said I didn't want him to make me a cheat he said he wouldn't care what his girlfriend did behind his back. He did however apologize and I then made the huge mistake if getting back into bed. He started getting himself off next to me while I was trying to sleep and then, I don't kniw exactly how it happened, but he was on top of me and he finished inside my mouth. He was there for maybe 5/6 seconds before this. For some horrible reason I didn't stop it. I just let it happen. I don't even know why. I've been drunk before. I've been angry before. I can't explain why this time it qas any different and I know neither are a reason.

I know this isn't about me but I am devastated. I can't believe I've done this to my boyfriend. we've only been together a few months but we've been dating a year. I was thinking of telling him I love him soon bur how can I look in his eyes and say that now. He is the wors most anazing man and I never thought I would meet someobe like him. He is also my first. I know people say once a cheater always a cheater and that I can't have really loved him. But I swear neither apply to me. I have never done anything so slutty before and I never could again. I feel like the worlds most horrible person to someibe so beautiful and its the worst feeling in the world.

Would you want to know? I've never lied to him before and always thought honeaty was the best thing but I've read so much that tells me I'm doing it to make myself feel better and its selfish? Woukd he ever be able to forgive me and for those that have cheated will I be able to deserve him again? Sorry but I need help!
Please help.. I'm going crazy not knowing what to do. I know some will say not be with me but he's told me before how he's never spent so much time with a girl and how he does things he wouldn't consider with anyone else. I love him so much I'm so scared what this will do tk him.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Did you go to a party or something to get drunk? you could always sit down and tell him even though I think he's going to leave you. May be not though so just give it a chance and talk to him.

    • No I went out to a club! So you think hell leave me? Is there a best way to tell him to hurt him less?

  • It would be best if you talk it out gently with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend will understand, and will most likely forgive you.

    • How do I tell him to cause him the least pain? He's opened up to me in a way he never has witg other girls? He's told me before he'd be heartbroken? Its worse bevause I 100% know he'd never cheat and he doesn't drink...

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