What is going on with my husband?

After 1yr of dating, 4 years of marriage and a 2yr old boy my husband comes in one night and says he's not happy, hasn't been for awhile and left. He's been gone for 8days now and has made his mind up to "get a divorce" because he no longer is in love with me. He's never been this way At ALL and has been such a jerk-saying mean things and being cold. I found out he's been texting/calling an ex (beginning 2days before he decided to leave) is this a phase or serious? How should I react to it? Around him?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems the fact of the matter is he met someone else he wants to spend time with other than you. It hurts like a MF, but prepare yourself. But all your jewelery in a safe deposit box, get all the cash out of the bank and put in there as well, but put the account under parents name so he can't touch it during the divorce. Cancel all credit cards or transfer them to your name only. Now the house. I'm sure there is a way big mortgage on it. So he said keep it, great, transfer title to your name and then sell it so he won't get that as well. Transfer cars and any assets to your parents as well.

    Its time to get tough and prepare. Don't wait around for him to come back. Now depends on the state, but 13% for child support and maintenance for you.

    Remember, you did not cause this he did. And do not date until divorce is final. He moved out, great its in your favor. Its called abandonment. He left.

    Get a restraining order for you and your son while your at it, so he will not come back in the night and surprise you. Once you get this , change the locks.

    BUT GET A LAWYER AS FAST AS YOU CAN...

    Good Luck, and be strong... Do not believe in promises he will make.

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    • thanks for your thoughts. I already have a lawyer so no worries there. He said he wanted a divorce, now he's saying we can do legal sep so I can stay on his health insurance a little longer, but what's the point, right?! I just don't understand any of this, it's like he's changed into another person over night!

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    • That's b.s. first, he didn't abandon the child. All we know is his wife's side of the story. There is nothing wrong with fallin gout of love, so don't treat the guy like criminal. Stealing assets will make him hate her and hurt the co-parenting relationship. You're telling this woman to commit fraud. And the courts already are biased toward the mother anyway.

    • Umm. He cheated. He stated he wanted a divorce. He left. Legally, that's abondonment in the eyes of the law. Case closed! And it's not fraud, she has the legal right to all assets right now which is not fraud. . If your going to comment, get your facts straight! And personally it's not bias, usually mothers are the best care givers, that's another fact you may want to check. I am very un sympathetic to individual that just leave, sorry, but I have morals.

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What Guys Said 10

  • I think if you can contact him you need to try and open lines of communication. Perhaps if he is willing, you guys can talk to a marriage counselor. IF for no other reason you need to try and save your marriage for your child. That being said if he has become a different person he may be beyond saving.

    It doesn't really add up that he'd leave only two days after talking to an ex. I mean there must be more to it, otherwise he is just an irresponsible a**hole to ditch his family after two days of talking to another woman. Were there issues that precluded his jerky behavior? Changes in your relationship?

    I guess for your own sake you need to decide what want and then go from there. if you want to work on the relationship do what you can to open communication with him and get professional help with your relationship. If you feel like it's too much and you don't see him the same anymore then maybe you just cut your losses and start new.

    Sorry to hear about this. It's a pretty lowlife move for a guy to make on his wife and young child

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    • he says that even if we did start going to counseling it would only be a "short time fix" and things would just go back to the way they were?! I love him and just don't know who this person he's become is. He said he just wants freedom and to do him when he wants. he said he's been unhappy for a long time and doesn't feel loved but this is the FIRST time its been brought to my attention. I try to talk to him and he's just short/cold. He said he just wants to be good co-parents.

    • is he a deep thinker as far as you know or is he a person who is a person who just makes decisions at the drop of the dime?

      I think for him to say going to counseling is only short term fix is just an excuse to not work on it. He may legitimately have fallen out of love or he just feels trapped by all the responsibility and duty associated with parenting and marriage at the same time.

  • It's just the pressure of being married, the responsibility, the incessant requirements for his attention from a 23 year old, and your no doubt being tired and irritable from lack of sleep, not to mention all the insecurity of work life and financial problems most people have...

    he doesn't know himself why he did this, since it isn't one specific problem. It's just that he can't handle the totality of the pressure.!

    He needs personal counseling, first of all..not marriage counseling.

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  • Assume he's gone and lock the door. Why he did it is not as important as that he did it. The relationship is over when on person decides they are done, no matter what the other person thinks. I am sorry. It's a sh*tty situation but frequently people in their 20s just figure out that they are married for the wrong reason.

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    • wow that's bleak

    • It's honest though

    • I actually know no one who got married in their early twenties that is still married,they either waited to get married or are in the their next marriage. I think you need to live awhile as an independent adult (including having relationships) before you really understand what you want and what you are willing to give for it. That wisdom generally has the price of a broken heart or several.

  • You need Marriage counseling. One Major Reason a lot of Relationships don't Last is Most People aren't 100% themselves first few months of dating, an Force themselves to Stay an Adapt.

    Also Couples stop trying so hard to Win over their Lover once they have them. You should always try to Win them over that's how you keep the Relationship Fresh an Exciting lol. Its not Hard with a little Effort on Both sides of the Relationship.

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  • chances are things will blow off with this ex and he'l come crawling back to you but if you took hin back what would stop him doing the same thing in another four years? No advice on here is gona make you feel better it's an awful situation and I hope whatever happens you'l be OK. good luck

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    • this is true...i don't think I could ever trust him again and he'll never be able to take back the horrible things he's said to me.

  • Looks like he wants his ex. This means that he does not really love you. True love will not crack. I wonder if his ex is indirectly trying to deliver you a blow just out of spite! Girl hatred you know.

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  • Either try to work on it or end it. If this continues, one of you will end up cheating on the other and that's gonna hurt a lot more than breaking up.

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  • Really, he told you what was going on. He's not in love with you. He really didn't beat around the bush or give you b.s. excuses. You have a right to be sad that your marriage is over. That's understandable, but if he doesn't want to be with you , you can't force him. Also, it doesn't mean that he is rejecting his son. Hopefully he will still be a father to his kid. I know this is a shock, but sometimes this is the way it goes. Sometimes you have to break the girl's heart so that she can have closure and move on. You'll heal in time and I'm sure you will find someone who wants to be with you.

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  • See if you can reason with him. A lot of times guys can get so stressed out about something that they are unable to think logically anymore and do something that just doesn't make sense at all. Try to figure out what it is that is causing him to be like this. It's a shame that little things can add up to big things when two people don't express their concerns. I know you're like no sh*t, figure out why he's being this way but you know how to get him to open up better than anyone cause you are his wife. Another thing you can do is talk to one of his close friends. I bet they'll you what's going on.

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  • there might be another girl , 8 out of 10 divorce are demanded by women

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What Girls Said 3

  • Hi there,

    I'm so sorry! A situation like this is so hard to go through. It probably surprised you incredibly and my <3 truly goes out to you. Your question is if this is a phase ... or serouis. It's serouis. I'm sorry to say, but it is. Even if he later claims this is a phase, any phase where the person starts calling exes and wanting a divorce is extremely serouis. In any serouis catastrophe, its best to prepare for the storm. And don't try and make him happy. He's hurting you & playing a**hole games. Focus on yourself and your child, what you gotta do to have the best outcome for you two. The way your husband is behaving ... you can do better honey! much much better. I'd start consulting a lawyer, I know that sounds drastric, but you need to be prepared to stand your ground and show him that you are not someone he can just trample on and that you can move on without him.

    Another thing, you said you don't belive in divorce. Well he apparently does, she you have to prepare accordingly. Again I'm so sorry and I hope things get better.

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    • Also collect evidence of the way he's been behaving latlely. document everything. tape conversayions you have. I don't want to scare you, but you need to be prepared for a custody battle

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    • I just want to know how he's being an a-hole by admitting that he doesn't want to be married anymore? Is he supposed to stay married to someone he doesn't love? For what, for who? You think that a child can't pick up on the fact that his parents don't like each other?

    • let me quote the ways ... straight from the question:

      1. "...saying mean things..."

      2. "...being cold..."

      3. "..he's been texting/calling an ex (beginning 2days before he decided to leave)..."

      Saying mean things & texting an ex even before you starting to leave? Ya a**hole

  • Love is just a hormone honey and fades over time. The chemicals for love left his brain and he doesn't love you anymore simple as that. I hope he doesn't have a prenup and that you can get money for all the time you wasted on him (If you were smart enough to marry money)

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    • "Many chicks wanna put Jigga fist in cuffs

      Divorce him and split his bucks

      Just because you got good head, I'ma break bread

      so you can be livin it up? Sh*t I..

      parts with nothin, y'all be frontin

      Me give my heart to a woman?

      Not for nothin, never happen" - Jay-Z

  • who knows... just except it and live your life and be happy for your son.

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    • so much easier said than done because it's so random and I don't believe in divorce.

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