Will he come back after cheating?

Me and my ex were together for about 5 years, off and on. We have had our problems, mostly due to our home lives getting in the way, normally my life!

Anyway. We broke up for 7 months (our longest break up), had no contact what so ever and then we were back together for a year, happier than ever. We went on holiday, we were planning to move out, everything.

Anyway. A week ago last Monday he told me he loved me, that he saw a flat he liked and wanted to move in somewhere similar with me. We made love. Everything was normal.

The next night he started ignoring me.

He didn't speak to me until Monday 11th and he texted me to say he had feelings for someone else. He was in a relationship the early hours of Tuesday, the next day, after taking her on a date Monday morning. She's 16, he's 21. She is also the little sister of the bassist of his band. And they have a manager and are planning all sorts of amazing stardom in the next year - he's even taking a gap year between college and work to focus on the band.

At the moment, I don't want to see him, I don't want him back. However, I really did love him, we were two peas in a pod.

What I'm really scared of is (all my friends are saying when, I'm saying if) is he will come back. That one day he will knock on my door, or wait outside my work, or message me, or 'bump' into me at the pub. And I don't know what I will do. Of course I won't take him back, it's more what will I say. Has anyone had an ex come back from cheating?

In the past week he has been down the road from me twice, and he is planning to be again next week at least once. I passed him driving when I was coming home from work. I feel he is always around the corner from me. Also, I have had this in the past, but every time he feels an extreme emotion, joy or sadness, my belly flips and I feel it too. I had a horrible vivd daydream at work that I spent a day with them, and when I got home, I discovered that my daydream was perfectly true. And my belly was flipping then. It flipped the night he ignored me, again in the week and again the Monday. It's like I'm connected to him. (I don't normally believe in that kinda stuff)

So yes, I wanted to give some background. Do you think he will come back at some point?
Sorry I meant if/when they break up in the bracketed part
... is it infatuation? I've been told he is showering her with gifts (alcohol cause she can't buy it, chocolate, meals out, nights out), they spend most days together, and he's started skipping uni to be with her. Something this extreme, this quickly... did he never love me or is it infatuation?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I bet he will come back after he tires of the flavor of the month. BUT don't do it! He has a wandering eye. If he can just walk away for some new little tart he's just a d-bag.

    He will try to come back and he probably believes you'll be waiting for him.

    I know the pain of this, and of letting go. But you will find an equally deep connection with another guy once you fully let him go.

    When he does try to contact you again, avoid him and ignore him at all costs. He doesn't deserve you or your love and attention.

    • At the moment I can't even tell you if I love him. I will be 100% honest with him. He has no shot with me until he proves that he can grow up, which I doubt will happen. We will see what happens. Do you really think he will come back? Last time he told me how much he missed me and still loved me. I wonder if it will be the same this time...

    • Just found out he is going to be down the road from me AGAIN tonight. Last time he avoided me like the plague, this break up with a girlfriend he won't leave me alone! Why?

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What Guys Said 2

  • Off and on relationships are unhealthy. Make up your mind. Are you together or are you separate?

    If your life is getting in the way of your relationship, there is most likely no way that is going to change anytime soon. Even if you get back together, you'll just be in the same place you were before - not being able to invest all/enough attention in the relationship.

    It just makes you confused if he tells you that he loves you, and then likes someone else. That is not commitment. He can't make up his mind.

    I know you love him, but you have to put your love aside and focus on the facts right in front of you. He should only be seeing one person at a time. I'm not clear - your friends are saying that he will come back? Don't rely on your friends input in this case, although I'm not saying you should never trust your friends. This is your relationship, not theirs. Constantly getting reassured won't help you move on from someone who obviously can't make up his mind who he likes.

    If he is going out with someone else, don't cling to the hope that he will come back to you. Take the sign that he is interested in someone else, and find someone who truly cares about you. You don't want to be with someone with wavering attention. What would happen if he married you and kept eying other women? It seems that he has the capacity for infidelity. I'm sorry that you have to hear this, but it is best if you move on.

    • I have made the decision I don't want to be with him again.. I still love him, I probably always will, but I'm struggling to deal with the "did he ever love me?"

  • Yes, he will come back and will cheat on you again.

    It's really best if you stop associating yourself with that guy. You're better off with a guy who will care, understand and be faithful to you.

    • I'm not planning to get back together with him. I'm just preparing myself. What makes you think he wi definitely come back if you don't mind me asking?

What Girls Said 2

  • Would you take him back after he cheated? Once a cheater always a cheater.

    • No I don't think I would. I just want to prepare myself for his arrival back into my life. I don't want it to be a shock you know?

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    • Fair play girl I'm not that strong. I'm just focusing on other things until I've calmed down emotionally and thought rationally about what I want (if I want him in my life at all)

    • I believe in that too, miles55. I can never trust a cheater.

  • He's not worth it. It's hard to tell if he will come back, but if he does, I wouldn't give him the time of day. Shame on him for being sneaky and dating an underage girl. Ugh.

    • I think it is fine if he dates an underage girl, but the problem with it is if he tries to sleep with her. Then he could go to jail for that, right?

      Another guy that will break people's hearts...

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    • It's not illegal here - the minimum legal age to have sex in this country is 16. So she is literally just legal.

    • At his age, he shouldn't be with a 16-year-old. I can understand an 18-year-old doing that but anything over is just gross IMO.

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