Why does my ex insist on intentially hurting me yet telling me he loves me?

I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I couldn't continue to let me drag me down, and it was simply not working. I had my faults to don't get me wrong but he was constantly putting me through emotional hell and on a few occasions crossed the line and got physical. I know at that moment I should have left, and everyone throughout the whole relationship, however he had a rough life, and I wanted him to know that someone cared and wouldn't walk away like everyone else. After two years of hoping that he would be the man I needed I realized I couldn't change him he would always be who he was and I ended things for our sake. A few days after the split he was begging me to see him, give him another chance, ect. I told him we could slowly work on things but I wouldn't just jump back into something. Soon after I found out he was seeing other girls. He continued to tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me, and that he was hurt by my leaving. I did begin to miss him, and despite all of his flaws, considered giving him another chance. I told him how I felt and apologized to him for my wrong doings. He told me he didn't know if he wanted too, and basically rejected my attempt to get back together. But we kept talking.

We have a lot of mutual friends and not seeing each other is almost impossible, and the first time we did thigns were great until he began flirting with this girl in front of me. he noticed I was upset and ask what was wrong, I asked if he could not in front of me, he said he would never do that. I ended up walking in on him hooking up with this girl, I was of course very upset and he knew I would be, and after I saw them he left and took her to his house. I was devestated that he could hurt me. (Yes I know we aren't together, and he is free to do what and who he wants but there is no need to do it in front of me.) He has continued to talk to ex girlfriends that he used to say were crazy, he hated, etc and he would never speak to again when we were together. He has not attempted to talk to me since the night I saw him and the girl together, at my best friends house.

I have decided that it is time to remove him from my life, and have taken all steps to do this. My only question is why did he/ does he do those things that he knows will hurt me so much? Is he trying to make me jealous, get revenge, or did he really never love me? THis is the one question I can't stop thinking about. I can't understand how you could be so hurtful to someone who you tell that you love, and the next day turn around and do something that you know will crush them? Any one that has an inclination on why he would do this would be greatly appreciated.


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What Guys Said 1

  • The guy sounds abusive and in all actuality he is probably doing it because he's on an ego trip and it makes him feel good knowing you aren't happy. The best thing you can do to get over him is to move on and live a happy life with somebody else because that will throw his game back in his face. You need to try and cut all contact and when you are forced to see him in person try to ignore him as best you can. The feelings will go away eventually it just takes time.


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