My Martial Arts Instructor who is 43 years older than me likes me more than just a student... what to do?

So I have an instructor who is 43 years older than me (I am 21..) and today he told me he likes me more than just a student.. and a friend... but in the way of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship liking. He started to like me 6 months ago...

I have a boyfriend whom I am devoted to, and he is currently missing in action overseas from Army duties. There's no question about my boyfriend and I ; we are permanently set for each other so no one is going to come in between us whatsoever. I even got his name tattooed on my shoulder blade and I don't regret a single bit.

The question is - what should I do? In today's conversation we made sure that the answers on both sides were clear - no I do not like him more than anything else but my coach, and he knows to put a distance between us, and he is also aware that this quite a disturbance for me.

For 2 years he knows I have a boyfriend already so he doesn't intend to come in between us; he just thought I needed to know how he feels for me and told me not to to treat him nice at all so its easier for him to back off. However I see at least once a week, so isn't it torturing him if he sees me? I asked him, he said no, but feels happy to see me; Just that he is trying really hard to put me off his mind.

What to do? :/ I don't think I'm at all over caring or loving to him; its just the Chinese traditions - I call him 'Sifu" and I treat him like a father because that's just how the system works; but he took it the wrong way... and also because my personality is a perfect match to him..

He knows the right things to do - keep a distance, put me aside and not think or do further but continue to teach me martial arts and carry on the same way as if nothing happened. It's just a difficult time for him that's all. His wife and his son don't even remember his birthday or celebrate together but fly overseas and leave him all alone at home. I was the only student that remembered and knew of his birthday... just because I care? :/


Most Helpful Guy

  • You'd be surprised how much just a little caring and peronal attention can affect someone who is lonely. Bad women who use this to manipulate and control this shifu!

    Don't worry too much, since it's clear he'll behave profesionally regardless of your attitude toward him.

    But be aware of how lonely he is, and how much he appreciatred the gesture of remembering his birthday. Try to stay 'professional' with him in every situation from now on.

    • I don't think he can behave professionally for long unfortunately.. its still quite a worry for me. I really hope this would get through, thank you very much for all the input.

    • He's pretty self-disciplined, if he's a black belt. Maybe he can keep to the katas...and at his age, he knows better than to harass you.

      I would think! but thanks for the BA..

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What Guys Said 1

  • Just treat your instructor professionally. It's good that you're staying committed with your boyfriend, and that's what matters the most.


What Girls Said 1

  • If your instructor manages to keep it low, I'd let it be. You love your boyfriend and want to stay commited to him and that's the most important thing.


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