Why did my boyfriend lie about dating a girl while we were broken up?

My boyfriend and I had been together for 3.5 years(he is 29, I am 22), & much of it was long distance and turbulent but we stuck it out. He has always been possessive and jealous & there have been instances of verbal abuse. When he realized I was ready to leave, he broke up with me first by just cutting all communication one day out of the blue. We did not speak for 6 weeks although I tried to get in touch with him.

He finally called me on my birthday & I emailed him to finally get some answers as to why he did what he did, he did not get back to me for a further 3 weeks, claiming he never got the email. From then on he called and got in touch every so often and every time I broached the subject of whether he had been seeing anyone he was rude and would never give me an answer. I tried to stop replying when he tried to send sweet messages until I got called several times one night and we ended up having a long conversation where he admitted he still loved me. The next time we spoke I told him I had dated someone over the summer and he said that he had been out on one random date and kissed the girl but never seen her since as he was still into me and could not do more.

He gave me a hard time about the fact that I had dated someone, & went back to verbal abuse. Out of guilt, I took it and we ended up back together. I asked him several times to be honest about whether he had dated anyone and he vehemently denied it and was so torn up about what I had done and that it would have been easier if he HAD seen someone that I believed him.

We dated for a month and he began emotionally blackmailing me and saying he had trust issues because of what I had done and breaking up with me multiple times/ not speaking to me for days at a time. I finally stopped all contact with him. We had not spoken for a month until I found out that he had in fact been seeing a much older woman (37) with a teenage daughter for six weeks (5 weeks after we split). The lady had a blog in which she talks briefly about the relationship and so I can surmise the dates were clearly between the time he had called for my birthday and ignored me after I sent him the email(she mentions the specific date they split--a few days after he finally emailed me back) . She is is part of his friends group who he clearly sees all the time and who I would have had to interact with when I visited him.

When I confronted him about it he denied it & said my arguing was the reason he didn't want to be with me and has not spoken to me since. How/ why would he lie to me when I had been honest with him? I feel he is insecure as I am younger and my career is...more lucrative than his, but why would he hide this from me/trick me into getting back together with him without allowing me to have all the facts?

I am hurt he does not even seem sorry for lying to me and has made it seem that I am the one in the wrong and worried how many more lies there were/if he was still seeing her while we got back together.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Once you realized he's jealous/possessive and a verbal abuser you should have left him. Find a local guy. Long distance relationships are too hard.

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What Girls Said 1

  • He is clearly lying to you. As much as it hurts the best thing you can do is , let it go. And cut him out of your life and move on.

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