I started getting texts from her again...What is she doing to me?

My name is Caleb, I'm Australian and I'm 25. It feels really good to write and get this all out there but I traveled to Canada for a holiday last year to see family from my dad's side and to meet new people and have a bit of fun, I ended up meeting the girl of my dreams and for the entire trip I ended up spending time and getting to know this girl.

It truly felt like nothing more then a dream and anything I have ever felt in my life before, everything I could have ever wanted or asked for in a girlfriend. We had the most amazing time while I was there, only to leave and ask her to come with me back to Aus! She ended up packing her things, quiting her job and coming to me a month later, I paid for all the airfares and took care of everything, I was still living with my parents and family at the time but never the less my family was nothing but supportive and accepted her extremely quickly as one of there own.

Everything happened so fast, we were living together and she got a full time job within the first month she was here, I was nothing but happy as we talk a lot about being together and sharing a future, shortly three months later we were looking to move out together in our own place, which easy enough we did. We fought about stupid little things sometimes like any other normal couple would, it begun to get worse as she told me she was starting to miss her friends and family and her life back home, I tried to be supportive as much as I could and told her that it was completely understandable considering she had grown up 24 years in another country with everything she knows and feels comfortable with, it was starting to get even worse day by day as she was struggling to meet new people and find her own girlfriends that she could do things with.

Another part that probably didn't help was she was in her last year of university with only two credits left to go to graduate with a degree, she put that on hold for a year to come and be with me which I never asked her too, but with this going on she couldn't re-register for school for another that she came to me.

Coming close to Christmas I suggested that I get her a ticket back home so she could be with her friends and family, she started tearing up in nothing but happiness about the idea...mid December she left, we kept the long distance thing going for three months after that, but she was suppose to come back at the end of January but didn't as she said that she just couldn't leave yet, she has loose ends to tie off and she needed more time, she kept complaining about not finishing school and then ask for another three months, I'll admit that long distance is hard but talking for three months, I did say some things that might of pushed her away but we ended up breaking up.

We went a whole month not talking, I did the whole no contact rule but then I got a random email from her telling me she misses me, which I did not respond to then I started getting texts from her again...

...I responded and she has been telling me that I am her person, and that she doesn't want to ever be with someone else since we started dating, she feels like a failure and has to get her piece of paper (degree). She keeps letting me know that she has not been with anyone else since me when I don't even ask, she is constantly telling me she loves me and misses me and always asking if I've been with someone else, she has a habit of getting what she wants and then disappears for a while until...
..I hear from her again and we go through the same process. I'm tired of feeling like being with me and talking to me is a chore and I have to be available to her when she seems fit, she tells me she is coming back and wants to come back but then tells me that she needs more time. She can never make her mind up about anything and since she has been gone, for four months I have been torn through the whole process and I need advice or help, what is she doing to me? And what do I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't take her back until she gets her degree. You tell her that you want to see her succeed and you two can't be together until she finishes.

    On another topic, seems to me (as a dramatic writer's point of view) that the first time she left, around Christmas, she ran into an ex-boyfriend or something like that and that's the loose end she had to close. That's why she kept insisting she hadn't been with anyone, because even though he saw him or talked to him, she did nothing with him. But of course, this is just a plot I figured from what you wrote so I could be wrong.

    So, conclusion. I don't think she's doing anything to you. Not intentionally. She is a lost, confused little soul. She wants to be with you but at the same time doesn't want to lose her entire life. I guess her perfect solution would be that you moved over there but seeing that that may not happen she is just hesitant to leave her world behind. So you can tell her that when she finishes her degree she can think about what she wants to do, but ask her to make up her mind once and for all.

    • Wow! Your good! :-) funny you mentioned that...before we even met she was with her ex boyfriend, but the story with that is that he was a really young guy and they weren't together very long (no longer then 3 or 4 months I believe) but from what I know she just up and left him like out of nowhere...he was really attached to her, cos when her and I started to date and she moved here, she was still getting a couple texts from him about how he missed her and all that.

    • Well, there's your loose end. Are you still broken up?

    • What I wrote to you I apologize, it wasn't the end, just can't fit all the text I want to put in here but yes currently still broken up at the moment...but still in contact also.

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What Girls Said 3

  • You went too far, too fast.

    She's clearly a very impulsive person who does not plan ahead well at all. But she's the love of your life, so what can I say? She also seems very immature for her age.

    She needs a lot of growing up to do... and I think it's perfectly possible that you do that growing up together. But you need to one: decide if you're on the same page. Are you still in love? Does she love you the same as she did when she decided to pack her bags and head to Australia? Does she want to spend the rest of her life with you potentially?

    Once you get that established, stay broken up. Move on with your lives. Stabilize. Let her decide what she wants with her life first: get a degree or not? If it's so important to her that she flew across the globe for it, then she should get it. Unless she was just using it as an excuse to go home... in which case you don't want her in Aus with you anyway. She'll just do it again and come up with another excuse.

    You get your own place. Get a stable job if you don't have one already. Stop depending on your parents... get your life stabilized. Let her do the same (but not too much, or else she'll become too rooted in canada.) But tell her to finish her degree, and seek job opportunities in Aus. You guys aren't teenagers anymore. You have to be adults about this.

    I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm, and I don't doubt she really cares for you... but you hit the nail on the head: she's too indecisive... to a point of childishness. She's too flippy-floppy and rash and doesn't think decisions thoroughly enough. Decide for yourself also just how much you value her relationship and want to hold onto her. Then tell her. Let her know where you stand. Make sure she realizes how much you love her. How much you're willing to sacrifice for her. How long you're willing to wait. Set solid goals and demands for her to meet. Ask her to set those goals for you as well. And work slowly toward a stable life together as adults instead of jumping right into it like children.

    • Sorry!...we moved into our own place together once she was here, shortly after living with my folks at first...I've already got a steady job that pays very well. She has been gone for four months now, we tried the long distance thing for three months, broke up for one month with no contact...now we are talking again. She has initiated all the contact, saying she misses me, still loves me, I'm her person and can't stand being without anymore, I feel like this more then her, but now my guard is up.

    • In that case I think you should give her a chance. But it's reasonable that your guard is up. Still, make sure she finishes school so she is capable of being financially independent. Then, again, ask her to seek job opportunities in Aus. if that's her plan. Otherwise, figure out what she wants. Does she want to move to you, or does she want you to go to her? Whose life is more flexible?

  • That is asking for a lot - to have her come here, uproot her life and her (nearly finished) education, to come and live in a very committed relationship, and share accommodation and bills and chores and all manner of responsibility! You're totally right when you say it all happened very quickly - and that's coming from you who can enjoy this romance from the luxury of your home town. She, on the other hand, left everything indefinitely. It is not comparable to your holiday in Canada, because you had an end point. You had the calendar and the time was ticking away before your wonderful holiday ended and you came back to Aus. She came here under very different circumstances, and had a great deal more to sacrifice and a lot more responsibility to gain.

    I totally respect your relationship (i've had a similar-ish experience and it was prob the most intense and fun time I've ever had). I just don't think it's fair to be angry if she's unsure about leaving everything behind. I think she is telling you honestly - she needs more time.

    What should you do? I don't know. You can wait and see if she comes back, or you can break it off until you're together, or you can drop everything and go to Canada - they're all risky, I'm sure you know. Probably the scariest is that there's also no guarantee that you guys will be the same people when you see each other again.

  • Well...I think I can give you some advice...

    Actualy I'm little bit immature exactly like your grlfrnd...

    Actualy she wanna come back 2 u...bt whenever she thinks about her frndz and etc,she get confused...

    So,do something,that she can come out 4m this situation...

    Go 4 a date and talk 2 each other about this prob...

    I hope it'll help u...


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