What's your opinion on (non-abuse-motivated) divorce?

Question inspired by this article: www.elephantjournal.com/2013/03/why-everyone-should-get-divorced-before-marriage-alyssa-royse/

The divorce rate in the US is currently over 50%, the highest in the world (Source: link ). A majority of those cases contain no evidence of spousal/child abuse. What is your opinion on those people who get divorced for NON-ABUSE-related reasons? Examples:

"I'm just not happy."

"I'm tired of him/her."

"The magic's gone."

"We just don't get along the way we used to?"

"My feelings have changed."

"We fight all the time/don't agree on anything."

Bonus Question: Does the presence of children matter?


Most Helpful Guy

  • There are no good statistics on divorce in the United States. We actually don't keep track of that sort of thing. Only a few places in the United States keep track and we use those as an average for the whole country. Also you have to realize that statistic can be made to look like anything. Imagine if you get married and one of you die in a freak accident a week later. Does that mean you had a successful marriage? There are elderly women that remarry and have their new husband die soon after. A premature death does not mean it was a successful marriage. In today's world if you are married to someone longer than 15 years before getting a divorce, many people will still consider that a successful marriage. So anyone creating those statistics can pretty much do whatever they want with them, depending on what their personal standards are.

    The high number of divorces for stupid reasons just shows that marriage has no meaning in today's world. It is suppose to be a commitment, but how can it be a commitment when you just walk away because of boredom?

    Research has shown whoever thinks they will get custody of the children, is the one that will file for divorce. That is why more women file for divorce than men. If there are no children men are just as likely to file for divorce as women. So children do play a part in the decision.

    • link

      One could also use personal experience as an indicator. For example, how many Generation Y people do you know that have parents who are still married?

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    • I don't either, but that still falls under a very morbid category of choice. Anyway, that's an extreme case, not the norm. You really think there's enough spouses killed on a daily basis to tip the balance that much (over 50%)? All the divorced people/parents I know personally (which make up a majority of the (once) married people I know) are still alive.

      The point is, that there's more people choosing to end marriages than maintain them.

    • I agree. My point was that the number of people that end them can be manipulated, to show anything. As for my personal opinion, I believe that far more than 50% of marriages will eventually fail. Then if you include cohabitation (which is basically undocumented marriage, and catching on) the numbers would be even higher.

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What Guys Said 7

  • 9x out of 10 I don't support it. When you are married, every day isn't going to be hunnymoon for 60yrs. Your going to have disagreements, your going to have times where the spark seems gone. The reality is life gets in the way of this fairy tale romance ideal that everyone has. Instead of working through those problems like adults, we just trade in the relationship for a new one, since its a temporary fix to rekindle the spark, but those people only find the same problem eventually pops up, because its not a relationship problem, its a human problem.

    In my honest opinion, I personally feel this is mostly a female issue. 70% of divorces are initiated by women, and from experience, I personally known quite a few women of all ages who have filed for divorce out of reasons such as the ones you listed. The guys were good husbands, treated them well, had good jobs, etc. The women just felt like the marriage wasn't going anywhere and left.

    I think this is a result of our culture and media. Studies have been done that prove that all of these romance novels, movies, and TV shows, are giving young women, false ideas of what a relationship should look like. They assume their relationships will play out like in the movies, and their BF's will be like the prince charmings from the movies. They forget that this is real life and men are human beings full of our fair share of unique flaws. As a result, nobodies relationship stacks up their their ideal of view.

    I also feel that some of this simply has to do with immaturity and the dumbing down of society. People are getting into relationships with people for the wrong reasons in the first place, then by the time 5-10yrs have passed, they've realized this person is not a match for them. Had they been smart enough to look past sexual things, they would have seen that on day one and never had gotten involved. The problem is we have in inherent need to be with someone, coupled with people getting dumber. This leaves with you tons of relationships where the two people really should not belong together.

    I'm sure the presence of children does have an effect in some cases in keeping people together, but I have found that typically it doesn't matter all that much. At the very least, it keeps them together for an extra few years, but eventually the divorce still happens.

  • Sometimes as people grow older, their goals, needs, wants, taste, and views, etc. of what they want in a spouse/marriage changes. In other words, people do not always stay the person that their spouse married. Sometimes the change in a person is too much for a marriage to over come. With many people growing up in our impatient, selfish society, traditional importance to stay married are a lot less prevalent.

  • While I would agree that people in those examples got divorced fro frivolous reasons - how do you expect to force them to stay married? It appears we're just more selfish and un-willing to do any work to make a marriage last anymore.

  • Declining family values play some role in divorce. Usually, couples should remain faithful to each other, through thick and thin. If there is a disagreement, then the couple should communicate effectively. Unfortunately, not everybody is good at communicating.

    In my opinion, cases of divorce might have some abuse, although not always. Sometimes it doesn't go reported, but what do I know.

    Yes. Children matter. No child wants to see his/her parents arguing. The child develops trust issues and lower self-esteem. Sometimes the child thinks that everything is like this. Sometimes, when children grow up in such a family that gets divorced, divorce is the only way they learn how to solve things.

    In my opinion, divorce isn't right. However, if the couple don't love each other anymore, it is better to get a divorce than to start cheating and be in a false relationship.

  • Most of the above is code for a dead sex life and or no expressions of love.

  • If two people aren't working well together, and the spark just isn't there, than they shouldn't be together anymore, plain and simple. They can try to find ways to get it back, it if it doesn't work, and they aren't happy, why should they be forced to be miserable for the rest of their lives?

    My parents got divorced when I was like 12. It was tough on me at the time but now that I'm older I see how the world really is. It'd probably be a lot worse on any kid to grow up in a loveless, toxic environment anyway.

    Kids tend to find something to be miserable about anyway

  • The article is misleading (as the comment by the Staff Editor shows)

    He comments that Belgium is way higher per 100 marriages.

    And they've been even higher since then.

    Divorce rates in Brussels, for example? 78%.


What Girls Said 2

  • Americans as a whole are extremely selfish. I personally take marriage seriously and coming from a "broken" home, I saw all the hard work my dad did to support me, without having my birth mother to lean on for help. I am married and both my husband and I don't believe in divorce being an option for us unless one of us cheats or is abusive (neither will happen). We will not have children but I do know that children in the mix does add to the complications. Parents want to do the best for their children, sometimes staying together and fighting (not good for anyone). My grandparents have been divorced since my dad was a teen and they are best friends -which is good because they have 4 boys together and the boys have 10 grand-daughters collectively. :) Makes it easier to visit when everyone gets along, even if they don't live together anymore.

  • my parents have never been divorced and they've said all those things about, people need to learn how to stick it out for these minor issues because any other person you date you will have to face these same issues too.


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